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[INFJ] Is it common among INFJ's?

mochajava

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2010
Messages
475
MBTI Type
INFJ
To me, I would not go around with my feelings hanging out all over the place anymore than I would go to the grocery store naked. Nobody wants to see that.

Yes, true. I think this is why it's an unspoken rule in this society (well, American, though this forum is likely very international) that you can't do that. Either of those things.
 

Fenekk

New member
Joined
Aug 4, 2010
Messages
51
MBTI Type
INFJ
I must be the rare warm INFJ or something. (I suppose my Fe kicks in fast?) I'm actually kind of talkative and always friendly, and I am often smiling and laughing and telling jokes (though, honestly, I know a lot of that is superficial; a way to put people at ease around me. Might even be a defense mechanism I developed after learning that people were often uncomfortable around me in my youth). People have told me that I appear friendly and sometimes outgoing, but most say that I have mysterious qualities too, and that I seem reserved and tend to hold something back.

Regarding normal INFJ typing, "cold" seems to be the norm... though I feel like it is even more typical of INTJ.
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
14,497
MBTI Type
INFJ
Might be an enneagram difference. I'm more like that too that a lot of people's descriptions of their experience/feeling as an INFJ. I chalk it up to being a social instinct first.
 

mochajava

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2010
Messages
475
MBTI Type
INFJ
At work sometimes people just come up and start sharing... I find this a little bit odd in that it would never occur to me to do it, but it does allow a friendship to begin. Or acquaintance-ship. I like that about it.

Quiet:
I remember here and there when I tried to open up a bit about myself, she would take that opportunity to once again make it about her

I really hate it when this happens. The majority of the E's in my life are like this... Have you had success with saying something like, "wait, wait, hear me out!" or anything...?

People tell me I think too much, and probably would say "intense" if I showed that side of me to more people... but I do think I come off as warm. That being said, I don't tend to go be chummy w/ everyone in a group.

kccrush:
It helps to have friends/colleagues there to engage me and draw me out. But that's not always the case, and so it's crucial to learn how to do it yourself (myself) and if I can't, then try to get out of the room or the exchange so I don't ruin relationships. I'm 37 and I still find this to be a barrier. I've discovered that I can tell me - I'm not feeling like interacting much today, etc. But for people who only know you as being talkative and happy, they often take this personally. Sometimes it's a lose-lose situation...

I very much agree with you on this one.

Fenekk
I must be the rare warm INFJ or something.
I'm with you! I'm very happy and giggly and enthusiastic on first meetings... people say I come off as optimistic/enthusiastic. Haha, if only they knew the truth...
 

Rachel

New member
Joined
Aug 12, 2010
Messages
71
MBTI Type
INFX
Enneagram
5w4
Don't think i come across as cold usually (at least in my opinion), but i can be very serious and matter of fact and straightforward, which can sometimes seem mean or cold i guess. I think it depends on who i'm relating to. With a strong NF, i can be very NFP, with a strong NT, i can be very Ti. When i'm very Fi, i tend to be more Ti, less Fe, which can seem very cold.
 

Expanding

New member
Joined
Jul 29, 2010
Messages
62
MBTI Type
Infj
Enneagram
4
C'mon, we infj's are so hot. We are capable of burning people with our inner flame! If we would display our warmth in ways like other types do, ie: sharing and caring, on a general basis with everyone we would probably nee a year to recharge!! The way i look at infj warmth versus other types eg: an esfp (typical, standard) warmth is as follows: we both have it and want to share it. We do it less but when we do, it's intense, meaningful and focused on individuals. Whereas they do so more often but lightheartedly, and free for all style.
 

homesick.alien

New member
Joined
May 14, 2010
Messages
14
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Generally I am quite cold, especially if im in an environment I'm not comfortable in or if i dont know anyone.
however, I'm very warm on first meetings (like if introduced), and I'll smile a lot.

i guess i just dont have much energy to be all enthusiastic and telling jokes and stuff. I'd rather be the one laughing.
 

Lily flower

New member
Joined
Jun 28, 2010
Messages
930
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
2
I have actually gotten compliments about how I can remain "calm" in chaotic environments. The funny thing is, I have always felt like an emotional hurricane inside, but apparently it doesn't show on the outside.
 

cascadeco

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2007
Messages
9,083
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I have actually gotten compliments about how I can remain "calm" in chaotic environments. The funny thing is, I have always felt like an emotional hurricane inside, but apparently it doesn't show on the outside.

Oh, I've definitely gotten this feedback before - being calm. Agree w/ you though that I might feel mild-to-very-frazzled on the inside! Actually... I think the more unraveled I might feel, the more deliberate I am in being externally calm & detached, and more withdrawn. 'Cold'? I don't know that I've been described or would be described as such. But I could definitely see being described as removed and detached, especially if I am uncomfortable in a certain setting or with certain people.

If I am pretty comfortable, I think I come across as friendly, or at the very least pleasant. And growing up I was always described as 'sweet'. I also tend to show my positive emotions quite easily and readily - whether that be excitement, happiness, pleasure, whatever. I tend not to show the negative ones, though, for various reasons, although if they need to be addressed because someone else is involved, then I'll do so. Also, I'll generally show a bit more of the negative with those I'm really close to, even if it doesn't involve them, just in an effort to keep them in the loop or let them in my life a bit more.
 

SilkRoad

Lay the coin on my tongue
Joined
May 26, 2009
Messages
3,932
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I think I come across as friendly, but a bit guarded. I've been told enough times that I seem warm that I'm not really worried that I come across as cold. But I certainly don't like letting the emotions hang out too much, as others have said. I do sometimes get riled up publicly but I usually try to keep it not too intense and maybe even a bit jokey.

I do feel vulnerable if most people see too much of my emotions. And yes, I project the calm, sensible and fairly rational exterior, apparently. I have been told that I seem very calm even when inside I'm exhausted, stressed and wound up.
 

Thursday

Earth Exalted
Joined
Mar 14, 2008
Messages
3,960
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Father calling you Spock and your INTJ friend saying "good morning, psychopath" Yes. Its the NiTi loop, in addition to the Fe problem, which entails that you cannot clearly feel your own emotions with others, so they don't really get expressed unless in intimate situations or in intimate acts where it feels as if you are in the proper facility to express them. Nothing to go to a shrink about. It could also denote a balance in your emotional state.
 

Onceajoan

New member
Joined
Apr 22, 2010
Messages
239
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
1w2
INFJ -CALM ON THE OUTSIDE - INTENSE ON THE INSIDE

I have actually gotten compliments about how I can remain "calm" in chaotic environments. The funny thing is, I have always felt like an emotional hurricane inside, but apparently it doesn't show on the outside.

This is sooo true for me. Staying calm during crisis situations. No one (and I mean NO ONE) knows how intensely I feel things inside! Still, being told how calm and well I handle crisis situations is a complement of sorts, I suppose. :shock:

INFJ -COMES ACROSS AS COLD, ALOOF, INTIMIDATING

I definitely got told that I'm cold, aloof etc etc.
Then again, it's mostly those that aren't in my inner circle who are most likely to say that. :)

Ditto ^. Add serious and sometimes intimidating for me.

INFJ -COMES ACROSS AS ENTHUSIASTIC, GIGGLY, HAPPY

I'm very happy and giggly and enthusiastic on first meetings... people say I come off as optimistic/enthusiastic. Haha, if only they knew the truth...

I can do this too. I'm a bit of a chameleon in this regard. It's a bit of an act to survive in imposed social circumstances. Sometimes when I tell others that I'm an introvert, they say, "No, you're not an introvert!" They obviously don't know me very well.
 

Mysterious15

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Joined
Mar 8, 2011
Messages
48
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
5
Well I am still not sure if I am an INFJ or not but........because of me being hurt by family (completely unintentional and when I look at the reasons I figure that I expect too much out of them, also I am overly sensitive) after I entered teens, I slowly realized that they don't really know me, and continuously say things that hurt me. (In scoldings and such) And well after some months I found myself not smiling anymore, being indifferent, unmoving just like someone above stated, a 'rock'. Now I do sometimes open up, but the fact that my family does not know who I really am, hurts me deeply, thus this leads to me being cold again. I am used to being misunderstood so much that when they do show concern miraculously, I respond with a shrug or a short answer not letting them know anything. I want to change but its just hard........well anyways thats what I do......don't really know about INFJ's sorry.......:)
 

Mysterious15

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Joined
Mar 8, 2011
Messages
48
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
5
INFJ -CALM ON THE OUTSIDE - INTENSE ON THE INSIDE



This is sooo true for me. Staying calm during crisis situations. No one (and I mean NO ONE) knows how intensely I feel things inside! Still, being told how calm and well I handle crisis situations is a complement of sorts, I suppose. :shock:

INFJ -COMES ACROSS AS COLD, ALOOF, INTIMIDATING



Ditto ^. Add serious and sometimes intimidating for me.

INFJ -COMES ACROSS AS ENTHUSIASTIC, GIGGLY, HAPPY



I can do this too. I'm a bit of a chameleon in this regard. It's a bit of an act to survive in imposed social circumstances. Sometimes when I tell others that I'm an introvert, they say, "No, you're not an introvert!" They obviously don't know me very well.

OMG when I read all this I realized that its just what I do! At one point in life I was wondering if I even have a personality because I keep changing with everyone, and am able to be in so many different moods at the same time. One would expect an overly pleasing and friendly person, who keeps the peace around and avoids conflict; to never be able to stand up for themselves but I change as easily as the channels on television. I am really glad that I am not the only one who does this though......:D
 

EnaT

New member
Joined
Mar 10, 2011
Messages
11
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6
My mother once said my eyes have no compassion.
 

Mysterious15

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Joined
Mar 8, 2011
Messages
48
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
5
Hahahahaha really?
I don't think she meant that, and since it was only once it must be a 'in the heat of the moment' thing :D
I think finding out if a person has compassion or not can be seen by 3 things:
1) eyes
2) words
3) actions
actually nearly everything can be figured out from these things but oh well.....:)
 

Crescent Fresh

Diving into Ni-space
Joined
Mar 17, 2011
Messages
802
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
I'm usually seen as cold because I usually take a lot of precautions and observations to observe people.

Though in reality, I'm a very warm person who is afraid of getting hurt through attachment of people, even friends.

That's why I usually don't let everybody in as a self-defensive mechanism.
 

CuriousFeeling

From the Undertow
Joined
Dec 18, 2009
Messages
2,937
MBTI Type
INfJ
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
At first I come across as being highly analytical, skeptical, technical, quiet, and guarded. Once I feel comfortable around someone, I open up, and the softness comes out. I'm not cold per se, but distant, shy, and showing friendliness if I get cues from another person that they don't mind my company. I tend to come across as quite reserved on the most part.
 

the VORTEX

New member
Joined
Jul 10, 2011
Messages
3
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
i was exptremely shocked once to be described by a casual aquaintance as coming across as 'brittle' .....i dont suffer fools gladly and if i dislike someone or write them off i guess i might seem very cold or even rude !
 

Craft

Probably Most Brilliant
Joined
Jan 8, 2010
Messages
1,221
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
5w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I think a certain type of INFJ is cold. They're harder to type because of this.
 
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