About 4 years ago, I had a strong friendship with an ESFP. She used to delve into her personal problems very openly with everyone and anyone. I cared very much about her and her situations and invested an insane amount of time with her, often just being present while she moped and repeated her complaints. I remember here and there when I tried to open up a bit about myself, she would take that opportunity to once again make it about her. I knew she was lonely etc. I remember her learning something interesting about me once and seeming so surprized. She would often tell me that it drover her crazy because she didn't feel she really knew me.
I share enough about myself here and there where and when I'm comfortable to do so. Like online, lol. More people know the truer deeper me on a couple of forums than ever in real life. That's Wayyy too close!
People tell me I am mysterious, I think INFJ are very aware and see the motives of people so they keep a distance. They are rarely caught unaware. I have a hand full of very close friends who I have known since I was a child, and extremely loyal to me and I have lot of acquaintances.
Last edited by infjwatching; 06-11-2010 at 12:09 PM.
I often have people tell me I'm very intense, hard-to-read, intimidating, etc. This most often happens in the workplace if I'm uncomfortable with my colleagues. I've needed to try to push the walls that I often feel building up inside of me down and stop "feeling" intense so I can connect with people. Sometimes I find this impossible to achieve and end up feeling powerless. This often depresses me, and the wall builds up even further. Even though I've dealt with this my whole life, I still have a really hard time when these reactions occur. It helps to have friends/colleagues there to engage me and draw me out. But that's not always the case, and so it's crucial to learn how to do it yourself (myself) and if I can't, then try to get out of the room or the exchange so I don't ruin relationships. I'm 37 and I still find this to be a barrier. I've discovered that I can tell me - I'm not feeling like interacting much today, etc. But for people who only know you as being talkative and happy, they often take this personally. Sometimes it's a lose-lose situation...
The few times I have been considered cold per say were usually when I was more then willing to burn a bridge and walk away from something. Usually it was out of knowing what was best IMO for everyone involved, sometimes people feed my negative habits and, incredibly vice versa. But once that decision is made, thats that. I think people find my finality cold when I know its time to move on.
Some people see me as a hard person and I am often called "cold"... Is it an INFJ characteristic? I don't show my feelings too much because I'm afraid of being wounded, and people may describe me as "rational"! I've read in some sites that INFJ's are prone to be mistyped as rationals... I see my coldness as a defense. Is it common? Anyone here have this problem?
Yes. People are surprised when they see a genuine smile from me. I normally do not display emotions and spend a great deal of time watching people, especially in new situations. Just Ni at work until I decide whether or not to Fe up the situation.