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  1. #1
    :) INFtha14's Avatar
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    Default Can INFPs also experience this? *I know... stupid question/probably generalizing.*

    INTP & ESFJ Relationship

    I know anyone can be clueless and not really sure how to express affection but just saying. I don't mean to generalize, It's more based it on a lack of Se/Fe on my end and seeing what other INFPs have to say.

    I ask cause as an INfP I'm finding I tend to relate quite alot to INTPs in how they experience dealing with affection and how to give affection etc. Seeking advice or wanting to seek on noticing the need more.

    I've also thought on many occasions in my head " if i didn't want to be here I wouldn't be. I'm here cause I want to be." similar to expressed in the thread above.

    Here and there i've actually said when I felt my SFJ mother was also much like mentioned in this thread above ^ would assume my neutrality being negative. No I'm just neutral, what's so bad about that? Especially when she'd doubt how much i'd care for her etc.

    But I also notice a similar struggle with trying to express affection and not be expressing my usual neutral nature. But even then I have trouble recognizing the needs for closeness of the other and myself.

    Even if it's tried to be brought to my attention... the notion goes right over my head. Which I have and do try really hard to understand how i can perfect on reaching out to others like that. I honestly thought I've improved even in practice .

    I'm so clueless to reaching out my hand to initiate hand holding or cuddling.
    I've even asked one time "How do you cuddle?" It was confusing to me to get physically close to another individual as such. I'll freak over what should I say here? What do I do here if this happens or that?

    Also back in HS, it took me till after they left and some time to realize I liked them but I just didn't know how to say it and was rather clueless to it. It's like I look back on it and I thought about said person romantically but that's where it stayed my thoughts. I didn't know how to reach out or express it.
    Now I'm trying to be more aware of this aspect in relationships .

    I do seem rather neutral and distant too. Is all these thoughts normal for an INfP. Is it an INXP thing? You know lack of Se and not really having finesse with Fe as well? I personally think it's highly possible as I'm definitely an Fi dominant/Ne Aux.

    Well I don't know if this thread will go anywhere just curious if other INFPs can relate to the above mentioned things at all.
    I just finally decided to address a thread to it as I keep reading how INTPs experience romantic relations/how they approach expressing affection and relating too it so i'm curious.

    .
    What is Feeling?
    Feeling is primarily a process.....that imparts to the content a definite value in the sense of acceptance or rejection. In the same way that thinking organizes the contents of consciousness under concepts, feeling arranges them according to their value. Feeling, like thinking, is a rational function, since values in general are assigned according to the laws of reason...
    (Carl Jung, Psychological Types, Chapter XI - Definitions)

  2. #2
    Member StoryToTell's Avatar
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    I can relate. Especially to the showing physical affection part. Maybe it's a 5 thing but when I had no experience with it I'd analyze the possible situations and methods to be used when cuddling/holding hands/what have you. I never wanted to ask though, and hated admitting to feeling so confused.
    I also think INFPs are definitely capable of neutrality.

  3. #3
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Yep, I relate to all of it. I'm often accused of being aloof or snobby when I am just being quiet and neutral. My lost-in-thought face apparently looks very unfriendly...

    I used to dislike hugging when I was younger, and I only like it now at my discretion or from very close friends/family. My ESFJ grandma has called me "cold" (and worse things). My mom complains I am not a very affectionate person, never call when I lived in a different city, and generally did not appear to miss people. They are much more demonstrative than I am, and they assume that if feeling is not shown, then it is not there.

    I do care a lot about people, but I have trouble expressing it. It often feels awkward & forced, and I hate anything "contrived". I get lost in my own little world so easily I can forget to express what I do feel.

    When it comes to physical affection, I am just as awkward, although I've gotten better with age. Ultimately, I'm a much more cerebral person than a physical one, but I do have a desire for physical touch. I just have to feel really safe & close to someone to initiate it & not feel strange.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  4. #4
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    It's why I'm often called cold or mean - even when I put extra effort in. Because of this I only let in the ones who can see past it or take my word for it.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #5
    Member StoryToTell's Avatar
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    OrangeAppled, I get the "unfriendly" description for my lost in thought face sooo much.
    You also reminded me of a time my family was visiting friends. My mom saw their son (3 years old) and gave him a huge hug and said an array of wonderful things to him. I just smiled. Then, in front of his parents, she insisted I give him a hug. I didn't. Waaay awkward.

  6. #6
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StoryToTell View Post
    You also reminded me of a time my family was visiting friends. My mom saw their son (3 years old) and gave him a huge hug and said an array of wonderful things to him. I just smiled. Then, in front of his parents, she insisted I give him a hug. I didn't. Waaay awkward.
    Ugh, my family does this to me all the time. I am an adult, not a child - what a way to humiliate me. They say stuff like, "say hi to so-and-so" and "give them a hug" as if I am 12.... :steam:
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  7. #7
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    I also relate to 100% to it. I really wished I would be more able to show people that I like them. Physical affection like hugs and so on are difficult for me too. I never initiate such things, and when I get hugged, I feel very awkward and probably stand there like a tree. Although in my inner I often would like to do the hug, but I just "don't know how to do it" as you said, or am not safe if it is adequate in that situation.

    Also having the same feeling that people seem to see that "neutralness" as aloofness or arrogance. Very few seem to understand me here.

  8. #8
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    I hope I'm not butting in too much, but it's strange... I keep testing as (or often close) to a socionics INFp (difference with mbti is Fe instead of Fi), can relate to some of the descriptions, and in turn, can't relate to much written here.

    I think I'm reserved in initiating many things (some introversion/feeling out the environment...which can seem aloof at first), tend to sit off on the sides, but..I don't think I'm this standoffish or lost in thought (no offense). It's especially nice if some attention/hugging comes my way first. Out of all the things to shy away from, touching/physical affection is not one of them. And if already know people well, it's automatic that I hug female friends goodbye, and don't leave guys hanging without a slap in the hand or something.

    Again, my only point is how different socionics is.. very confusing. It makes me all the more puzzled on what I am in mbti.

  9. #9
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    I hope I'm not butting in too much, but it's strange... I keep testing as (or often close) to a socionics INFp (difference with mbti is Fe instead of Fi), can relate to some of the descriptions, and in turn, can't relate to much written here.

    I think I'm reserved in initiating many things (some introversion/feeling out the environment...which can seem aloof at first), tend to sit off on the sides, but..I don't think I'm this standoffish or lost in thought (no offense). It's especially nice if some attention/hugging comes my way first. Out of all the things to shy away from, touching/physical affection is not one of them. And if already know people well, it's automatic that I hug female friends goodbye, and don't leave guys hanging without a slap in the hand or something.

    Again, my only point is how different socionics is.. very confusing. It makes me all the more puzzled on what I am in mbti.
    Are you not an ISFP anymore? I've noticed ISFPs are often less awkward with physical affection.... It's probably a Se/Ne difference.

    And yeah, socionics will just confuse you
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  10. #10
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Are you not an ISFP anymore? I've noticed ISFPs are often less awkward with physical affection.... It's probably a Se/Ne difference.

    And yeah, socionics will just confuse you
    perhaps. i don't feel as in the moment as isfps though (to simplify it). i think i'm a little more uncertain and critical (not necessarily in a good way). but despite all of this doubt, i've come to the conclusion that hugs are good. unless i somehow have really tired of the people or surrounding situation, of course..then it's like "uh..." back to feeling awkward.

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