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  1. #1
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    Default How do I differentiate between an ENFJ and an ENFP?

    I am trying to type a friend of mine and am wondering if he is an ENFP or an ENFJ. I thought I might figure it out by looking at the cognitive functions.

    He is definitely an E and a F but I am wondering how feeling would be expressed differently in an ENFJ compared to an ENFP. Basically how do I differentiate between extroverted feeling and introverted feeling, what are the clues when trying to figure out which one of these two functions someone is using?

    For example one thing I have seen in primary Fe users is that they are very encouraging and great at flattering people, almost to a degree that they can appear insincere. Though my friend does make compliments I don't get this over-the-top flattering vibe from him; however he is very, very tactile and great at winning people over through a good use of body language (especially girls are drawn to him because he knows how to hug, touch somebody's arm just at the right moment etc.). Could this kind of... let's call it physical emotional intelligence also be Fe, but Fe being expressed through touch instead of through words?

    Other things I have noticed about him and I am wondering which of these characteristics are Fe or Fi:

    > He will stay calm under pressure, his way of dealing with difficult situations is to use his charm, put up a smile and hide what he is really feeling on the inside. He will talk about what is really going on to a trusted few, in one-on-one conversations.

    > I can't remember seeing him ever being rude, I know he has some pride issues but is again hiding it behind a smile and a very winning manner and in general knows the right thing to say (or not to say) in a situation.

    > He reacts very well to words of encouragement (while I for example would in general question the sincerty of a compliment first).

    > He has been described as "unpindownable", since he is all over the place and seems to be constantly on the go (that isn't really an Fe vs Fi thing, more of a J vs P thing).

    These are the things that come to my mind.
    Last edited by Lightyear; 05-03-2010 at 01:31 AM.

  2. #2
    Glycerine
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    Could be either or really. The description could be used for any EXFX, I think.

  3. #3
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    If he says he's going to be somewhere, is he absolutely 100% going to be there? Or is it quite possible that he'll change his mind and be a no-show/find something better to do?

    Is he a creature of habit or does he like every day to be different? This "wanting every day to be different" can be subtle, but it's there if you look for it. P's tend to just make a decision "at that moment", rather than having it already planned out. You can ask a P, "do you want to go with me to that group meeting tomorrow night at Joe's house?" and the P might say "no" or "probably not", then when tomorrow night comes and you show up to Joe's house, they are there. You say, "I thought you said you didn't want to go?" They might say, "I changed my mind. I looked at the clock and remembered it started in 30 minutes, so I decided to throw on some underwear and make an appearance." It goes the other way too. When they say they will show up, they sometimes won't. I've learned (from negative feedback) to not commit unless I am absolutely certain that I will be there.

    Does he have a tendency towards "bending the rules"? If he's supposed to take an hour lunch break from work every day from 12pm to 1pm, does he sometimes go from 12:22 until 1:36? 11:41 to 12:56? Basically, different every day. That's the "outside the box" mentality of the P. While all the J's leave at 12 and get back at 1, the P's don't see why it has to be so arbitrary. Shouldn't the best time to go to lunch be determined based on today's workload and what is going on this day?

    If I'm not sure if someone is P or J, I look for the answers to these and similar types of questions and, more times than not, I can figure out their J/P preference.
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  4. #4
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    Ok. I'm an ENFP, and I have an ENFP sister and an ENFJ sister, soo....

    My ENFJ sister is incredibly family oriented - and by that I mean she doesn't like to take sides. If there are arguments in the family, she tries hard to be the referree or the mediator, and nags us for not trying to get along better. She loves to give advice through nagging. But she's also incredibly nurturing and loves to do things for people she loves. The problem is, though, she can take on a stance of quiet moral superiority which irritates the shit out of my ENFP sister and I, and also our ESFP mother. It's like "ENFJ knows best" and it can get irritating. ENFJ sister tries her best to maintain a neutral stance with everyone though. She loves to "get along" even if she's hiding how angry or offended she really is. She is EXTREMELY extroverted, too.

    My ENFP sister and I are also empathetic and giving, but we're less neutral and more likely to take sides. We're also more likely to have outbursts of emotion and be more confrontational. We like to "keep it real." Compared to ENFJ sister, our flaws are that we take things much more personally and can seem selfish or argumentative. However, you pretty much always know where you stand with us, and we get over things quickly while ENFJ will hold grudges and quietly stew or avoid. We're less extroverted than she is too, just meaning that we need more down time or alone time.

    I also think Ni and Se keep my ENFJ sister moving forward, and seeking new experiences and new relationships. My ENFP sister and I also went through hardcore phases of seeking new experiences because of Ne, but we're more likely to get all nostalgic about things from our childhood and pasts (watching favorite movies from childhood repeatedly, listening to old music) because of Si. I'd also say it takes us longer to get over romantic relationships. ENFP and I are really intense people.

    Our mother would be more likely to call my ENFJ sister "the nice one." And she is, in a manner of speaking. I love all of my sisters, and I do see where all three of us as ENFs think in a similar way, at least intellectually speaking and our interests in reading and art and culture.

    I don't know if this helps.

  5. #5
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Like all Js, ENFJs relish organization and decisiveness. More than any other type, ENFJs focus their organizational abilities in the arena of interpersonal affairs. Their offices may or may not be cluttered, but their conclusions (reached through their feelings about a person) are drawn much more quickly and are more fixed than those of their NF counterparts (INFJ, ENFP, INFP).

    Does this person make snap judgments about people? Not just, "I get a good vibe off him." That's an observation and is a very ENFP-kind-of-thing to say.

    The ENFJs I know are predisposed to closure in matters pertaining to people. This is especially true when it comes to those in their inner circle. When an ENFJ is not at their best, they can sometimes be a little unyielding in their opinions about people. For example, after they've decided someone has wronged them, then everything that person does is wrong. It seems so clearly black and white to the ENFJ. (Wow, I think soooo differently.)

    As an ENFP, I've found this the most salient difference between myself and the ENFJs I know. And frankly, I find it rather distasteful. I rubs me the wrong way to quickly pigeonhole people. And even if I do reach a conclusion about a person, I'm always looking for more information to see if my conclusion was correct or if I need to tweak my opinion. Not so for an ENFJ. They make a judgment about a person (oftentimes a snap judgment) and that's it. There's no looking back. The rubicon has been crossed, so to speak.

    This is how I think you'll be able to tell if your friend is ENFP or ENFJ. Good luck and let us know.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    Like all Js, ENFJs relish organization and decisiveness. More than any other type, ENFJs focus their organizational abilities in the arena of interpersonal affairs. Their offices may or may not be cluttered, but their conclusions (reached through their feelings about a person) are drawn much more quickly and are more fixed than those of their NF counterparts (INFJ, ENFP, INFP).

    Does this person make snap judgments about people? Not just, "I get a good vibe off him." That's an observation and is a very ENFP-kind-of-thing to say.

    The ENFJs I know are predisposed to closure in matters pertaining to people. This is especially true when it comes to those in their inner circle. When an ENFJ is not at their best, they can sometimes be a little unyielding in their opinions about people. For example, after they've decided someone has wronged them, then everything that person does is wrong. It seems so clearly black and white to the ENFJ. (Wow, I think soooo differently.)

    As an ENFP, I've found this the most salient difference between myself and the ENFJs I know. And frankly, I find it rather distasteful. I rubs me the wrong way to quickly pigeonhole people. And even if I do reach a conclusion about a person, I'm always looking for more information to see if my conclusion was correct or if I need to tweak my opinion. Not so for an ENFJ. They make a judgment about a person (oftentimes a snap judgment) and that's it. There's no looking back. The rubicon has been crossed, so to speak.

    This is how I think you'll be able to tell if your friend is ENFP or ENFJ. Good luck and let us know.
    +1

    My experience has been the exact same way. Once an ENFJ decides how he feels about something, its finished.

    I like to keep my options open and nothing is black and white for me.

  7. #7
    Glycerine
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    Whoa, some the ways the to differentiate ENFJs and ENFPs, is a bit odd Both types can be insanely opinionated if you look at the threads. Just because you're ENFP doesn't automatically make you open-minded or if you're ENFJ, it doesn't automatically make you staunchly black and white. If he makes snap judgements, he's ENFJ because ENFPs keep their options open. What? I, myself, go off on vibes of people. I try really hard to give people numerous chances but if they consistently act shady, I judge them.

    That's like saying if he's flaky and highly unreliable he's an ENFP because ENFJs are considerate and responsible.

    EDIT: I agree with Marmalade.Sunrise though.
    Last edited by Glycerine; 04-30-2010 at 03:01 PM. Reason: Toned it way down

  8. #8
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    > He will stay calm under pressure, his way of dealing with difficult situations is to use his charm, put up a smile and hide what he is really feeling on the inside. He will talk about what is really going on to a trusted few, in one-on-one conversations.
    This seems more ENFP to me. The 'hiding' and 'trusted few'.

    I don't think Fe doms 'hide', it's more that they are truly unruffled or comfortable with what they are feeling.

    He has been described by his best friend as "unpindownable", since he is all over the place and seems to be constantly on the go (that isn't really an Fe vs Fi thing, more of a J vs P thing).
    ENFJs can be high energy but I think their energy would be described more as 'industrious' whereas an ENFP would be somewhat 'random'. It's about how and where the activity is applied.
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  9. #9
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    This seems more ENFP to me. The 'hiding' and 'trusted few'.

    I don't think Fe doms 'hide', it's more that they are truly unruffled or comfortable with what they are feeling.



    ENFJs can be high energy but I think their energy would be described more as 'industrious' whereas an ENFP would be somewhat 'random'. It's about how and where the activity is applied.
    I totally agree with you on that. I think the "hiding" depends on the context though.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    For example one thing I have seen in primary Fe users is that they are very encouraging and great at flattering people, almost to a degree that they can appear insincere. Though my friend does make compliments I don't get this over-the-top flattering vibe from him; however he is very, very tactile and great at winning people over through a good use of body language (especially girls are drawn to him because he knows how to hug, touch somebody's arm just at the right moment etc.). Could this kind of... let's call it physical emotional intelligence also be Fe, but Fe being expressed through touch instead of through words?
    Okay, I would still love for someone to answer the question in the above paragraph. Could someone being very tactile be another way of expressing Fe?

    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post

    Is he a creature of habit or does he like every day to be different? This "wanting every day to be different" can be subtle, but it's there if you look for it. P's tend to just make a decision "at that moment", rather than having it already planned out. You can ask a P, "do you want to go with me to that group meeting tomorrow night at Joe's house?" and the P might say "no" or "probably not", then when tomorrow night comes and you show up to Joe's house, they are there. You say, "I thought you said you didn't want to go?" They might say, "I changed my mind. I looked at the clock and remembered it started in 30 minutes, so I decided to throw on some underwear and make an appearance." It goes the other way too. When they say they will show up, they sometimes won't. I've learned (from negative feedback) to not commit unless I am absolutely certain that I will be there.

    Does he have a tendency towards "bending the rules"? If he's supposed to take an hour lunch break from work every day from 12pm to 1pm, does he sometimes go from 12:22 until 1:36? 11:41 to 12:56? Basically, different every day. That's the "outside the box" mentality of the P. While all the J's leave at 12 and get back at 1, the P's don't see why it has to be so arbitrary. Shouldn't the best time to go to lunch be determined based on today's workload and what is going on this day?
    I think you are generalising a bit too much. I am a strong J but I guess because of my N I still like every day to be different, I am not a big fan of routine. Also concerning the bending the rules bit, I might be the one who is back a bit late from her lunch break (though I would try not to overdo it). I very much have an "out of the box menality", the Js you are describing seem to me to be xxSJs.

    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    Like all Js, ENFJs relish organization and decisiveness. More than any other type, ENFJs focus their organizational abilities in the arena of interpersonal affairs. Their offices may or may not be cluttered, but their conclusions (reached through their feelings about a person) are drawn much more quickly and are more fixed than those of their NF counterparts (INFJ, ENFP, INFP).

    Does this person make snap judgments about people? Not just, "I get a good vibe off him." That's an observation and is a very ENFP-kind-of-thing to say.

    The ENFJs I know are predisposed to closure in matters pertaining to people. This is especially true when it comes to those in their inner circle. When an ENFJ is not at their best, they can sometimes be a little unyielding in their opinions about people. For example, after they've decided someone has wronged them, then everything that person does is wrong. It seems so clearly black and white to the ENFJ. (Wow, I think soooo differently.)

    As an ENFP, I've found this the most salient difference between myself and the ENFJs I know. And frankly, I find it rather distasteful. I rubs me the wrong way to quickly pigeonhole people. And even if I do reach a conclusion about a person, I'm always looking for more information to see if my conclusion was correct or if I need to tweak my opinion. Not so for an ENFJ. They make a judgment about a person (oftentimes a snap judgment) and that's it. There's no looking back. The rubicon has been crossed, so to speak.

    This is how I think you'll be able to tell if your friend is ENFP or ENFJ. Good luck and let us know.
    Again I am not sure I agree from my own experience. Though I am not an Fe dom I still have very strong Fe but it takes me quite a while before I pigeonhole people. I can completely relate to the following statement that you made, because that is exactly how I work, and I am not an ENFP.

    And even if I do reach a conclusion about a person, I'm always looking for more information to see if my conclusion was correct or if I need to tweak my opinion.
    However I don't want to discount your experiences with ENFJs, as far as I am aware of I don't know any ENFJ very well, maybe they differentiate quite a bit from an INFJ.


    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    This seems more ENFP to me. The 'hiding' and 'trusted few'.
    That surprises me. I would have thought ENFJs are more likely to hide since they try to adjust their behaviour according to how the people around them are feeling and hide their true feelings about something on the inside. I am also reminded of something that Domino once wrote, that she as an ENFJ used to be shocked by how much of an open book her ENFP twin could be, she as an ENFJ wouldn't feel safe being that open about her true emotions to just anyone.

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