Hi Enflamed I think you'll get a lot of helpful comments from posting your situation here.
The most overwhelming feeling I had while reading your post is that you could be heading in a direction to waste a good deal of time and energy for nothing. Good 'ol NF "what if" can make someone stay in a bad situation and try to work something out when it would be a lot better to just cut your ties. I don't doubt her honesty with you, but perhaps her honesty with herself with the email she sent you. You deserve more than a maybe! To adress the feeling of 'overwhelming attention' you experienced with her inthose moments was probably very real, but whatever you had then is likely gone now.