[NF] NFs- Connecting with people

[Nonsensical]

Yeah, so I was just thinking what it would be like if I just got up and moved. Or what it will be like when I go off to college. Am I going to miss my friends? Will there be any kind of attachment issues? I'd really like to think so, but in all honestly, probably not at all.

I am kind of realizing I have a difficult time truly connecting with people. I have a lot of friends, but it feels as though only a very select few know who I am underneath all of the friendly facades and general social persona. The thought of leaving friends doesn't stir any feeling of sadness in my heart, only a longing. I don't think it would even be difficult. I don't think I have a hard time moving on. Gotta keep walking on down the road, right? I kind of see it that way, and all of the connections I make now in my life are just nice sites to see along the way. But I don't know if that's right or wrong...it's just the way I feel.

 

[nynesneg]

I am kind of realizing I have a difficult time truly connecting with people. I have a lot of friends, but it feels as though only a very select few know who I am underneath all of the friendly facades and general social persona.

Yup.

I can only speak for myself. I lived away from home for two years and it didn't bother me at all. Being friendly, making new aquaintances is no different than new ones here. The soul-ful friends though are a different story but I've never had any like those locally unless they were people I dated.

 

[Quiet]

Perhaps it's because I'm an introvert, I don't find I bond with most people on a strong enough basis to want to have contact every day or even every week. It depends who it is though too, as I actually do want to see my boyfriend everyday...

I got used to leaving people behind while growing up. We moved to a new country when I was almost four, and moved to several cities and towns after that. I also believe I outgrow people very quickly. I like to touch base with my close friends sometimes once a month or even less. I know I don't sound like a good friend, and I have had friends get upset with me for it in the past. It's not personal once you're in my circle, it takes a lot to get in there too and mot everyone permiates that membrane lol.

 

[stalemate]

5 years ago I moved 800 miles away from where I grew up. A lot of the people I was leaving behind I had known since I was 5 years old. I had deep connections with them and it was really hard to leave.

When I got to the new place, even though I had no vehicle and worked from home, I quickly had friends all up and down my street in the new neighborhood. Every afternoon for 30 minutes or an hour I would go to the neighbor lady's house and have cookies and a drink with her while I took a break from work. Stuff like that. It was sooo easy for me to pick up these surface level friends but it was painful to be away from most of my close friends. I never really got past it in the time I was there.

Eventually I moved back for other reasons and I'm connected again with my few lifelong buddies and it rocks.

 

[Amagi]

I went far from home for my first year of college last year and I never had problems with missing people. Actually, the only problems that I had in that area was because I would sometimes feel GUILTY that I wasn't missing people or emotional at all about being physically separated from the people at home.

Now that I'm back from college for the summer I've really not missed my friends from college much at all, either. I've also felt guilty over this.

 

[Rebe]

I was so excited to move away for college, so freaking excited. I didn't miss my friends on a daily basis but every now and then, I do miss them, but definitely not enough to move to be near them. I have grown more attached to my friends from college. I have come to rely on them to share my life and emotions and stress. But I know that after college, I want to travel and even though I will miss them, nothing will make me want to stay. But these friends are like sisters to me so I will def. make a point to keep in contact on a regular basis. Once I am connected, I am intensely connected, but it is hard for me to open up.

 

[kccrush]

I think it's possible to bond better with certain people in different environments. For example, when I lived in a provincial town in Spain, I could barely bond with anyone. I made one good friend during the entire year I spent there. Yet, living in a similar provincial town in Japan, I made a handful of very close friends. Because of the cultural differences, and the place I was emotionally and mentally, I think I was able to connect to the Japanese better than the Spanish. I highly recommend you travel as much as possible - even just in the US - to see what types of environments best suit you. Even if it's just to come back to the place you live now, it's essential to experience different connections with different people at your stage of live. It will definitely help inform your growth as a human being.

 

[Sparrow]

I am a very loyal person, but finally realized that people do change and its okay to let go. I was stuck in rut for while in my hometown so I decided to take charge and move away to Los Angeles for college. I didnt really make to many new genuine friendships there but I had the time of my life and definitely learned a lot. I recommend moving away from everything familiar in your life at least once, makes life fun and interesting .

 

[Moiety]

I don't tend to terribly miss people unless I'm dissatisfied with life. I do have some problem connecting with people. Lots of friends, a few good close friends...but any day now I'm gonna leave my country and I'll never see them again for the most part.

It doesn't scare me as long as I make good friends where I go. And that's always a matter of time.

 

[Lux]

I moved out when I was 17 into a house with people I barely knew and they are amongst my closest friends to this day. I left my hometown and all of those close friends behind when I was 19. For the first couple of months I missed them very much, but I made new friends pretty easily. I am able to connect with people on some level usually, but to have that pull of a deeper friendship is rare and never forgotten because I cherish it greatly. However, now I am in a new town, a very small new town, and I honestly haven't even attempted to connect with people. I know that I could if I put in the effort, but I just don't really care enough yet. I am sure that will change at some point though.

 

[Pixelholic]

I developed a sort of existential detachment right before I moved away and drove a lot of my friends out of my life, but I really enjoy my new friends here. Some people I keep in contact with but not many. I don't have too many issues with it (besides the aforementioned weird detachment)

 

[prplchknz]

it took me about 3 years to makes friends that I actually liked and felt comfortable around, i don't make friends easily, mostly because i'm socially awkward.

 

[Charmed Justice]

I've always connected easily with other people, but I prefer to bond and spend my energy on just a select few. Since being out of school, I've made about 1 or 2 friends every 3 or so years.

 

[cellar door]

I, too, have had similar issues and worries. I currently only have a few people I'm close with and I find myself only conversing with them. The feeling of being around people I don't connect with depresses me. It leaves me with such a feeling of longing that I am guilty of avoiding to branch out. But I've pushed myself to try to connect. So far, I've found a few people who give me the stimulation of true connection.

Like you said, just keep walking down the road. But don't be worried about "not connecting" if something catches your eye. Take it as it comes! Right? *confused look*

 

[Lily flower]

I think it makes sense that NF's don't seem to miss people too much, because as N's we are future-oriented. We just don't look back. I do have a few lifelong friends, but I have the same experience of moving on and not looking back with any degree of sadness.

 

[Blossom500]

I am kind of realizing I have a difficult time truly connecting with people. I have a lot of friends, but it feels as though only a very select few know who I am underneath all of the friendly facades and general social persona. The thought of leaving friends doesn't stir any feeling of sadness in my heart, only a longing. I don't think it would even be difficult. I don't think I have a hard time moving on. Gotta keep walking on down the road, right? I kind of see it that way, and all of the connections I make now in my life are just nice sites to see along the way. But I don't know if that's right or wrong...it's just the way I feel.

Many people I know have commented that I know everything about them and they know nothing about me. I have never felt very able to connect. I am much better at understanding other people's emotional lives than my own. I am not sure if it is because the huge big swag of emotions and personal thoughts and longings that rush around my head are too intense. Getting close means risking letting someone discover that utter chaos... which I am embarrassed about. I think that because my emotions so in tune with the moods and emotions of others being to close is overload. My partner is about one of the few people I trust but he is INTJ so it is fairly safe won't overload me on the emotion too often.

 

[You]

I gotta agree. I really don't connect with people on a deep level because there is so many layers to get through. Not to say connecting on those levels aren't cool - but yeah...I dont know how to put it into the words I want to because I'm so distracted right now, but I think you all know what I'm talking about.

 

[skylights]

i have no idea if this is a helpful point or not, but it makes me think...

when i got ready to live abroad, i wasn't really sad about leaving everyone. there was so much to think about in the future.

then when i was abroad, the only times i would really miss people was when i was upset or when i was actively talking to people who were very close to me.

i hate to say out of sight, out of mind, but unless i have a really deep connection with someone, that's pretty much how it goes

 

[Nonsensical]

it's comforting to see other NFs with similar problems.

it almost makes me feel lonely.

but it also makes me feel alive.

 

[mmhmm]

people feel like they connect with me.
but i rarely connect with anybody.

i don't miss people much. always moving forward.