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  1. #1
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Default Acceptance and NFs-Your core?

    Do you ever feel like you are very weird, very odd, and if you let people see what you are really like you will never be accepted or even be shunned?

    Do you find you hold parts of yourself back from others, understanding they will find them unacceptable?

    Do you hold back parts of yourself in fear of overwhelming others with your emotions, your intensity, your depth of thought or feeling, or your insights they may not "get"? (I could see all of these things from the different NF flavors)

    Can you describe what your "core", your truest self feels like? What face would you choose to show the world if you knew that you would be unconditionally accepted for everything that you are?

    (and yes other people besides NFs can answer too... We like all types round these parts!)
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  2. #2
    Vaguely Precise Seymour's Avatar
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    I identify a lot with the OP. In my case, I have a lurking sense of inadequacy and fear of judgment. It's definitely something I continue to struggle with, since holding back limits the depth of relationships and prevents others from knowing the real you.

    I've definitely experienced making myself vulnerable by reaching out to someone, and receiving incomprehension and misunderstanding in return. That can be a painful thing to get over.

    In my ideal world, I'd be more open and vulnerable, and easily shrug off negative reactions when appropriate. I feel like I care for people more than I show, and it seems a shame (both for them and me, in many cases).

    (Such an INFP!)

  3. #3
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    Do you ever feel like you are very weird, very odd, and if you let people see what you are really like you will never be accepted or even be shunned?
    I used to feel like this until I realized that unless someone has a mental issue, everyone is pretty much "healthy" in their own way. I've met a large enough number of people online who have mental issues to finally have that sink in so being "weird" or "odd" really doesn't bother me anymore. Not to say people with mental issues can't get help, blah blah, it's just that I am not one of those people.

    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    Do you find you hold parts of yourself back from others, understanding they will find them unacceptable?
    Same answer as the above, I think. I think some people don't actually WANT to see the whole me, so I don't give it out, but it's a case by case basis. Some people are just acquaintances and some are friends.

    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    Do you hold back parts of yourself in fear of overwhelming others with your emotions, your intensity, your depth of thought or feeling, or your insights they may not "get"? (I could see all of these things from the different NF flavors)
    I still do this, sometimes. I can be very overwhelming, but it's usually just in close relationships (including friendships) so I don't have to worry about it often. I am careful about who I get that way with, though. Not in a "that person doesn't get me" kind of way, but more in a "this person would enjoy knowing me this way"

    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    Can you describe what your "core", your truest self feels like? What face would you choose to show the world if you knew that you would be unconditionally accepted for everything that you are?

    (and yes other people besides NFs can answer too... We like all types round these parts!)
    I think I'm doing pretty good with showing the "real" me. I think in rl I would ignore most conversations about fashion and other things that don't appeal to me that I put up with now. Truth is I'm actually just being kind, like I expect other people to be with me when I go off talking about computers or other things they aren't interested in. Give and take.

    No one is unconditionally accepted, it's just part of life to learn what is acceptable in what situation.

  4. #4
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    I think NFPs especially might be neurotic about our "inner selves" because of the intensity and sensitivity of Fi dom/aux.

    As I've gotten older I've learned that everyone has an inner self, and it's simply a matter of Fi - maybe primarily E4s - feeling a strong need to be "genuine" all of the time. I went through a phase (beginning in late adolescence) where it was more important to me to always be thoroughly "my inner self" but frankly, I think as I've developed Te or shadow Fe or whatever that I've learned that there can be a balance...

    I can still be "myself" and also care about professionalism for practical reasons and other people's feelings for emotional/ethical reasons. I actually feel more "myself" than ever since I've embraced the notion that all people have vulnerabliities and an inner self, and that because of my personality I've given more attention and priority to that.

    I do hold back the intensity of my emotions sometimes for fear of being hurt or of hurting/pushing away other people...but I've also witnessed intense displays of emotion from ESFPs and ESFJs, not just NFs, so it may also just be a part of being an ExFx.

    What's really important to me is having close friends/family...and eventually finding a partner again...who I can really be open and authentic with. It's paramount to me to have those relationships.


  5. #5
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I am what I am and not everyone is going to like it. Problem is, I'm too much freak for people to handle so, yeah, I hide it most of the time. I'll let people see if it's possible I can trust them, but only a little at a time and too bad if they can't handle it. Being able to handle it is a requirement for any level of closeness to me, otherwise you're just an aquaintence and will remain as such. It's a nice simple filter. ^_^
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  6. #6
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    I am what I am and not everyone is going to like it. Problem is, I'm too much freak for people to handle so, yeah, I hide it most of the time. I'll let people see if it's possible I can trust them, but only a little at a time and too bad if they can't handle it. Being able to handle it is a requirement for any level of closeness to me, otherwise you're just an aquaintence and will remain as such. It's a nice simple filter. ^_^
    How do you know if people can "handle" it?
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  7. #7
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    Do you ever feel like you are very weird, very odd, and if you let people see what you are really like you will never be accepted or even be shunned?

    Do you find you hold parts of yourself back from others, understanding they will find them unacceptable?

    Do you hold back parts of yourself in fear of overwhelming others with your emotions, your intensity, your depth of thought or feeling, or your insights they may not "get"? (I could see all of these things from the different NF flavors)

    Can you describe what your "core", your truest self feels like? What face would you choose to show the world if you knew that you would be unconditionally accepted for everything that you are?

    (and yes other people besides NFs can answer too... We like all types round these parts!)
    I was teased and bullied as a child, so that has definitely affected the way I am. I'm happy to say that I'm a survivor, but I still find it difficult to express aspects of myself that I know would be subject to ridicule. I tend to hold a lot of myself back unless someone shows me that they are accepting. Depends on what their personality is like, and what they seem to be into.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




  8. #8
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    How do you know if people can "handle" it?
    You test a little at a time and where they get wierded out or get the "does not compute" look, that's where they stop as to what kind of relationship we have. I may not be the most in the world type of person, but I do know what body language is and what that tends to mean for the people I'm dealing with. I find the edge of their comfort and interact at that level; if it's a problem, they can find someone else to be friends with.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  9. #9
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Do you ever feel like you are very weird, very odd, and if you let people see what you are really like you will never be accepted or even be shunned?

    I do fear this, but it's more that I fear I am really boring, unlikable, stupid, etc. I fear they would not like me if they knew the "real me" at core. I don't think I am very weird, but maybe just hard to understand. It's like I am speaking my own language. People misunderstand me a lot, so I know it is not in my head.

    Do you find you hold parts of yourself back from others, understanding they will find them unacceptable?

    I hold much of my personality back, which probably does make me seem boring, unlikable, stupid, etc, which is what I fear being, but it's easier to accept being rejected if you feel no one really knows you. Like most INFPs, I have had people reject my inner self when I risked that vulnerability.

    I rarely have outlets for my personality also. I feel "out of context" in much of my life. Most of the time, my thoughts are irrelevant to what is going on around me. I'm quite honestly bored by a lot of people & assume they would be bored by me since we're on different wavelengths.

    Do you hold back parts of yourself in fear of overwhelming others with your emotions, your intensity, your depth of thought or feeling, or your insights they may not "get"? (I could see all of these things from the different NF flavors)

    Very much so. I can come off as "too intense" very easily. It's hard to moderate my expression - it's either too much or too little, which seems aloof. "Too little" seems safer most of the time.

    Can you describe what your "core", your truest self feels like? What face would you choose to show the world if you knew that you would be unconditionally accepted for everything that you are?

    My core is probably more like INFP profiles than my social face is. I'm pretty passionate, romantic, idealistic, empathetic, artistic/creative at core. I have strong opinions & ideas and a lot of backbone. I have a pretty complex, layered personality. I'm often smarter & more competent than people would guess (I think INFPs get underestimated a lot).

    On the surface, I am very quiet, guarded, hold people at a distance, either seem serious or spacey, and probably come across as rather simple and dull.

    People have literally asked me how to "crack my shell" and I'm not sure how to answer that.... I think I have been in situations where I showed more of my true self, and it's when I feel safe I guess. It would be nice to feel I could be more open with people, but I'd be content to have just a few people I am close with. I don't feel like everyone I meet needs to know my inner self, but I'd like my outer self to be less removed from my inner self.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  10. #10
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    Do you ever feel like you are very weird, very odd, and if you let people see what you are really like you will never be accepted or even be shunned?

    Do you find you hold parts of yourself back from others, understanding they will find them unacceptable?

    Do you hold back parts of yourself in fear of overwhelming others with your emotions, your intensity, your depth of thought or feeling, or your insights they may not "get"? (I could see all of these things from the different NF flavors)

    Can you describe what your "core", your truest self feels like? What face would you choose to show the world if you knew that you would be unconditionally accepted for everything that you are?

    (and yes other people besides NFs can answer too... We like all types round these parts!)
    Actually I had a conversation with someone today about this exact subject. Their perception of who I am and who I perceive myself to be turned out to be two totally different things. Not a bad thing, just different. I show people what I want them to see and I don't think I'd have it any other way. If they can't see it then It's not my fault, I laid it out. I'm high anxiety and go on rants about everything. I'm opinionated to the point of offensiveness and big huge hypocrite. Everyone closest to me knows this already I have no patience for BS and I'm super intense. And with all that I might be a very genuinely nice person I'm only nice now because I started standing up for my boundaries and can maintain the nice.
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

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