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[NF] Acceptance and NFs-Your core?

sculpting

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Do you ever feel like you are very weird, very odd, and if you let people see what you are really like you will never be accepted or even be shunned?

Do you find you hold parts of yourself back from others, understanding they will find them unacceptable?

Do you hold back parts of yourself in fear of overwhelming others with your emotions, your intensity, your depth of thought or feeling, or your insights they may not "get"? (I could see all of these things from the different NF flavors)

Can you describe what your "core", your truest self feels like? What face would you choose to show the world if you knew that you would be unconditionally accepted for everything that you are?

(and yes other people besides NFs can answer too... We like all types round these parts!)
 

Seymour

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I identify a lot with the OP. In my case, I have a lurking sense of inadequacy and fear of judgment. It's definitely something I continue to struggle with, since holding back limits the depth of relationships and prevents others from knowing the real you.

I've definitely experienced making myself vulnerable by reaching out to someone, and receiving incomprehension and misunderstanding in return. That can be a painful thing to get over.

In my ideal world, I'd be more open and vulnerable, and easily shrug off negative reactions when appropriate. I feel like I care for people more than I show, and it seems a shame (both for them and me, in many cases).

(Such an INFP!)
 

Laurie

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Do you ever feel like you are very weird, very odd, and if you let people see what you are really like you will never be accepted or even be shunned?

I used to feel like this until I realized that unless someone has a mental issue, everyone is pretty much "healthy" in their own way. I've met a large enough number of people online who have mental issues to finally have that sink in so being "weird" or "odd" really doesn't bother me anymore. Not to say people with mental issues can't get help, blah blah, it's just that I am not one of those people.

Do you find you hold parts of yourself back from others, understanding they will find them unacceptable?

Same answer as the above, I think. I think some people don't actually WANT to see the whole me, so I don't give it out, but it's a case by case basis. Some people are just acquaintances and some are friends.

Do you hold back parts of yourself in fear of overwhelming others with your emotions, your intensity, your depth of thought or feeling, or your insights they may not "get"? (I could see all of these things from the different NF flavors)

I still do this, sometimes. I can be very overwhelming, but it's usually just in close relationships (including friendships) so I don't have to worry about it often. I am careful about who I get that way with, though. Not in a "that person doesn't get me" kind of way, but more in a "this person would enjoy knowing me this way"

Can you describe what your "core", your truest self feels like? What face would you choose to show the world if you knew that you would be unconditionally accepted for everything that you are?

(and yes other people besides NFs can answer too... We like all types round these parts!)

I think I'm doing pretty good with showing the "real" me. I think in rl I would ignore most conversations about fashion and other things that don't appeal to me that I put up with now. Truth is I'm actually just being kind, like I expect other people to be with me when I go off talking about computers or other things they aren't interested in. Give and take.

No one is unconditionally accepted, it's just part of life to learn what is acceptable in what situation.
 

Thalassa

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I think NFPs especially might be neurotic about our "inner selves" because of the intensity and sensitivity of Fi dom/aux.

As I've gotten older I've learned that everyone has an inner self, and it's simply a matter of Fi - maybe primarily E4s - feeling a strong need to be "genuine" all of the time. I went through a phase (beginning in late adolescence) where it was more important to me to always be thoroughly "my inner self" but frankly, I think as I've developed Te or shadow Fe or whatever that I've learned that there can be a balance...

I can still be "myself" and also care about professionalism for practical reasons and other people's feelings for emotional/ethical reasons. I actually feel more "myself" than ever since I've embraced the notion that all people have vulnerabliities and an inner self, and that because of my personality I've given more attention and priority to that.

I do hold back the intensity of my emotions sometimes for fear of being hurt or of hurting/pushing away other people...but I've also witnessed intense displays of emotion from ESFPs and ESFJs, not just NFs, so it may also just be a part of being an ExFx.

What's really important to me is having close friends/family...and eventually finding a partner again...who I can really be open and authentic with. It's paramount to me to have those relationships.

:hug:
 

runvardh

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I am what I am and not everyone is going to like it. Problem is, I'm too much freak for people to handle so, yeah, I hide it most of the time. I'll let people see if it's possible I can trust them, but only a little at a time and too bad if they can't handle it. Being able to handle it is a requirement for any level of closeness to me, otherwise you're just an aquaintence and will remain as such. It's a nice simple filter. ^_^
 

gromit

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I am what I am and not everyone is going to like it. Problem is, I'm too much freak for people to handle so, yeah, I hide it most of the time. I'll let people see if it's possible I can trust them, but only a little at a time and too bad if they can't handle it. Being able to handle it is a requirement for any level of closeness to me, otherwise you're just an aquaintence and will remain as such. It's a nice simple filter. ^_^

How do you know if people can "handle" it?
 

CuriousFeeling

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Do you ever feel like you are very weird, very odd, and if you let people see what you are really like you will never be accepted or even be shunned?

Do you find you hold parts of yourself back from others, understanding they will find them unacceptable?

Do you hold back parts of yourself in fear of overwhelming others with your emotions, your intensity, your depth of thought or feeling, or your insights they may not "get"? (I could see all of these things from the different NF flavors)

Can you describe what your "core", your truest self feels like? What face would you choose to show the world if you knew that you would be unconditionally accepted for everything that you are?

(and yes other people besides NFs can answer too... We like all types round these parts!)

I was teased and bullied as a child, so that has definitely affected the way I am. I'm happy to say that I'm a survivor, but I still find it difficult to express aspects of myself that I know would be subject to ridicule. I tend to hold a lot of myself back unless someone shows me that they are accepting. Depends on what their personality is like, and what they seem to be into.
 

runvardh

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How do you know if people can "handle" it?

You test a little at a time and where they get wierded out or get the "does not compute" look, that's where they stop as to what kind of relationship we have. I may not be the most in the world type of person, but I do know what body language is and what that tends to mean for the people I'm dealing with. I find the edge of their comfort and interact at that level; if it's a problem, they can find someone else to be friends with.
 

OrangeAppled

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Do you ever feel like you are very weird, very odd, and if you let people see what you are really like you will never be accepted or even be shunned?

I do fear this, but it's more that I fear I am really boring, unlikable, stupid, etc. I fear they would not like me if they knew the "real me" at core. I don't think I am very weird, but maybe just hard to understand. It's like I am speaking my own language. People misunderstand me a lot, so I know it is not in my head.

Do you find you hold parts of yourself back from others, understanding they will find them unacceptable?

I hold much of my personality back, which probably does make me seem boring, unlikable, stupid, etc, which is what I fear being, but it's easier to accept being rejected if you feel no one really knows you. Like most INFPs, I have had people reject my inner self when I risked that vulnerability.

I rarely have outlets for my personality also. I feel "out of context" in much of my life. Most of the time, my thoughts are irrelevant to what is going on around me. I'm quite honestly bored by a lot of people & assume they would be bored by me since we're on different wavelengths.

Do you hold back parts of yourself in fear of overwhelming others with your emotions, your intensity, your depth of thought or feeling, or your insights they may not "get"? (I could see all of these things from the different NF flavors)

Very much so. I can come off as "too intense" very easily. It's hard to moderate my expression - it's either too much or too little, which seems aloof. "Too little" seems safer most of the time.

Can you describe what your "core", your truest self feels like? What face would you choose to show the world if you knew that you would be unconditionally accepted for everything that you are?

My core is probably more like INFP profiles than my social face is. I'm pretty passionate, romantic, idealistic, empathetic, artistic/creative at core. I have strong opinions & ideas and a lot of backbone. I have a pretty complex, layered personality. I'm often smarter & more competent than people would guess (I think INFPs get underestimated a lot).

On the surface, I am very quiet, guarded, hold people at a distance, either seem serious or spacey, and probably come across as rather simple and dull.

People have literally asked me how to "crack my shell" and I'm not sure how to answer that.... I think I have been in situations where I showed more of my true self, and it's when I feel safe I guess. It would be nice to feel I could be more open with people, but I'd be content to have just a few people I am close with. I don't feel like everyone I meet needs to know my inner self, but I'd like my outer self to be less removed from my inner self.
 

ReadingRainbows

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Do you ever feel like you are very weird, very odd, and if you let people see what you are really like you will never be accepted or even be shunned?

Do you find you hold parts of yourself back from others, understanding they will find them unacceptable?

Do you hold back parts of yourself in fear of overwhelming others with your emotions, your intensity, your depth of thought or feeling, or your insights they may not "get"? (I could see all of these things from the different NF flavors)

Can you describe what your "core", your truest self feels like? What face would you choose to show the world if you knew that you would be unconditionally accepted for everything that you are?

(and yes other people besides NFs can answer too... We like all types round these parts!)

Actually I had a conversation with someone today about this exact subject. Their perception of who I am and who I perceive myself to be turned out to be two totally different things. Not a bad thing, just different. I show people what I want them to see and I don't think I'd have it any other way. If they can't see it then It's not my fault, I laid it out. I'm high anxiety and go on rants about everything. I'm opinionated to the point of offensiveness and big huge hypocrite. Everyone closest to me knows this already :) I have no patience for BS and I'm super intense. And with all that I might be a very genuinely nice person :) I'm only nice now because I started standing up for my boundaries and can maintain the nice.
 

paradox fox

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Do you ever feel like you are very weird, very odd, and if you let people see what you are really like you will never be accepted or even be shunned?

YES YES OH GOD UNBELIEVABLY YES

Do you find you hold parts of yourself back from others, understanding they will find them unacceptable?

Yes. I try to test out what I can do/say around certain people, make sure we trust each other, then go from there. Also, my INTP friend always says she wishes I would speak my mind more often. I'm never ever bluntly honest with people, I always gotta sugar coat it.

Do you hold back parts of yourself in fear of overwhelming others with your emotions, your intensity, your depth of thought or feeling, or your insights they may not "get"? (I could see all of these things from the different NF flavors)

Yeah. I tell myself I shouldn't feel ashamed about silly Ne thoughts but I always end up embarrassing myself.

*cue wavy flashback*

One time I was with 2 friends in Starbucks, a guy that I really liked and a girl I didn't know real well. In the car we were talking about paintball, and at s-bux I looked up at the ceiling (there were all these pipes up there) and imagined tiny people playing paintball. My friends started giving me this look: o_O and asked me what the hell I was doing, so I nonchalantly told them about it. But their reaction made me feel really embarrassed. And I was on the phone with the guy a few weeks later and he brought it up again (not being mean about it), and I was like hush up I'm still embarrassed about it. :(


Can you describe what your "core", your truest self feels like? What face would you choose to show the world if you knew that you would be unconditionally accepted for everything that you are?

My truest self? Today I'll say I'm a wad of contradictions held together with glue. I've got shiny, colorful little pieces with ugly, messed-up crud right next to them. I wish I didn't have to worry about people not being able to see the shine because of the shit. But I kind of want people to see all of it. If you want the good parts of me, you gotta understand the bad parts of me. They're inseparable. But don't worry, I'll clean it off as best I can before I hand it to you.

That made no sense. Sorry guys.
 

Rebe

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"Do you ever feel like you are very weird, very odd, and if you let people see what you are really like you will never be accepted or even be shunned?"

I guess unconsciously. I don't really think about it in a conscious way...I don't share openly because I don't want any part of my life or me to be judged. I know some of my weaknesses, but not all and I hate to leave a weak spot without protection and be blind-sided. This does not have to do with weird/odd traits as much as weak traits. A lot of this is unconscious. I am a private person and am very careful about how I portray myself, but if someone asks me why, I couldn't explain thoroughly. :huh: Hmmm...

"Do you find you hold parts of yourself back from others, understanding they will find them unacceptable?"

I follow social norms. I envy girls who are extremely bubbly and outgoing and does not care how they wave their arms and show excitement in their voices. I am often very controlled, yes.

"Do you hold back parts of yourself in fear of overwhelming others with your emotions, your intensity, your depth of thought or feeling, or your insights they may not "get"? (I could see all of these things from the different NF flavors)"

Yes. I can't always clearly explain my thoughts. I know things by uhm an intuitive gut (versus a sensing gut). I am not a good verbal speaker, a very good writer, but zero on the public speaker part. Yes, I like to explain things step by step and if they don't get step 1, I stop there. By steps, I mean layers. :D

"Can you describe what your "core", your truest self feels like? What face would you choose to show the world if you knew that you would be unconditionally accepted for everything that you are?"

I believe a person is defined not just by their core, but by all their layers combined together. So, even if I explain my core, that doesn't mean that is my 'truest self'. My truest self is a combination of what I hide and don't hide, what I can and cannot explain in a few quick sentences, what I accept and do not accept about myself. I will probably be a lot warmer than I am and reach out more to people instead of being so cautious. But my inner core of compassion and dreaminess and romanticism must be combined with my outer core of hyper-criticalness, judgemental-ness and reservation and dark looks to form the truest me. :hi:
 

Amargith

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Do you ever feel like you are very weird, very odd, and if you let people see what you are really like you will never be accepted or even be shunned?

Do you find you hold parts of yourself back from others, understanding they will find them unacceptable?

Do you hold back parts of yourself in fear of overwhelming others with your emotions, your intensity, your depth of thought or feeling, or your insights they may not "get"? (I could see all of these things from the different NF flavors)

Can you describe what your "core", your truest self feels like? What face would you choose to show the world if you knew that you would be unconditionally accepted for everything that you are?

(and yes other people besides NFs can answer too... We like all types round these parts!)

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Hard to explain and something I only show to people who've known me and never judged me in all that time. Or..those that are around me 24/7 as I cannot keep it it hidden all the time,which then tends to lead to problems.

I do show who I am all the time as well.. I just omit a *lot*. Satine Light, you might say. Not worth the hassle to explain yourself over and over.
 

yvonne

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Do you ever feel like you are very weird, very odd, and if you let people see what you are really like you will never be accepted or even be shunned?

yes, i feel like i am odd, but probably i'm not as odd as i (at times) think i am, though. i am trying to learn how to accept things better... so far this is going better than any of my previous attempts, as i am actively trying to avoid fooling myself and seem to be doing a better job at self-control...

Do you find you hold parts of yourself back from others, understanding they will find them unacceptable?

yes i do. i reveal stuff gradually to test what is acceptable to others.

Do you hold back parts of yourself in fear of overwhelming others with your emotions, your intensity, your depth of thought or feeling, or your insights they may not "get"? (I could see all of these things from the different NF flavors)

yes and i find this is the only way to go about it for me. i think most of my friends think that i am sympathetic. most of them don't know how much i think and that i also have dark thoughts sometimes. also my emotional life is pretty private. i like being all Ne with some of my friends who enjoy that sort of thing :p

Can you describe what your "core", your truest self feels like? What face would you choose to show the world if you knew that you would be unconditionally accepted for everything that you are?

my truest self... it's a work in progress, i suppose. my truest self thinks non-stop. it sometimes goes beyond the structured life i am trying to lead... it makes up theories, plays with and arranges thoughts and feels deeply. at times it pushes and pulls itself. it feels sensations in the moment when i let go. i think, as well as others have said, that i consist of all the parts that make up me. i feel at peace with the me i am showing others when i feel at peace inside.
 

Eruca

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Do you ever feel like you are very weird, very odd, and if you let people see what you are really like you will never be accepted or even be shunned?

To be weird is not to be normal. And what is normal is defined by what the average or most common behaviour is in society. So yes, I am weird, I am odd. But being different isnt a bad thing. In my past I have fallen all too easily into the trap of knowing that being different isnt a bad thing, and yet still feeling like I am *less* than the average person, merely a dysfunctional, flawed form of the average. Such thoughts are inevitable if we do not love our differences. Pretending that our differences make no difference is simply ignoring the problem and can cause much cognitive dissonance.

Once we truly appreciate our eccentricities they become protected from outside criticism. A good place to start is to know that it is okay not to be perfect. We know we have reached this healthy level when we have the same compassion for others as we do for ourselves.

Do you find you hold parts of yourself back from others, understanding they will find them unacceptable?

I will hold back my opinions pretty often, which to me seems all well and good. I don't really hold back parts of myself unless it truly seems unwise to let out said parts. I certainly dont hold back parts of myself because they might receive social disapproval. If I suspect myself of doing just that I imagine myself in the same situation but pretend no social disapproval will arrise. If I go through with showing myself in this imaginery situation--in which no social disapproval can take place--then I will show myself in the real situation in which such disapproval can take place.

Do you hold back parts of yourself in fear of overwhelming others with your emotions, your intensity, your depth of thought or feeling, or your insights they may not "get"? (I could see all of these things from the different NF flavors)

Sometimes I avoid sharing thoughts that another might not understand or appreciate. I used to do this to avoid criticism, now I do it because I dislike making other people feel silly or stupid.

Can you describe what your "core", your truest self feels like? What face would you choose to show the world if you knew that you would be unconditionally accepted for everything that you are?

My "essence" is complicated. It is for the most part a natural extension of those things I find to be good. For example, to be kind is good, so my essense is to be a kind person. To be modest is to be good, so my essence is to be a modest person. If these things werent my essence, I wouldnt admire them and aspire to them so. Of course, my ideal self is ambitious. But if it wasnt ambitious it wouldnt be worth it would it! :D

I feel Im pretty close to my ideal face. Some things in me still have to be hidden. I rarely share my dreams for example, and other stuff has to be hidden from unpleasants who would use it against me.
 

Eruca

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One time I was with 2 friends in Starbucks, a guy that I really liked and a girl I didn't know real well. In the car we were talking about paintball, and at s-bux I looked up at the ceiling (there were all these pipes up there) and imagined tiny people playing paintball. My friends started giving me this look: o_O and asked me what the hell I was doing, so I nonchalantly told them about it. But their reaction made me feel really embarrassed. And I was on the phone with the guy a few weeks later and he brought it up again (not being mean about it), and I was like hush up I'm still embarrassed about it. :([/I]

If one of your friends was the one to make such a comment, would you disapprove? Or would you laugh and think they were cool?

Why, then, do you measure yourself by a different standard?
 

BRMC117

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Can you describe what your "core", your truest self feels like? What face would you choose to show the world if you knew that you would be unconditionally accepted for everything that you are?

I have spent my entire life helping people and being malleable to every one elses feeling and ideas that I really have a hard time figuring out who I am... the only thing I can think of would be that I wish all of my family and friends would accept me being gay
 

Yloh

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Do you ever feel like you are very weird, very odd, and if you let people see what you are really like you will never be accepted or even be shunned?

I've never been into the mainstream like most people are, so I automatically know I am different from most people. In a lot of ways, my differentness comes from me being an N vs the S people. A lot of things people like to talk about tend to be very S oriented subjects (celebrities, sports, what is going on, the next concert, etc). Every now and then I can jump into some S related subjects, but, for the most part, S related subjects just bore me. My favorit S subjects are not mainstream, so that doesn't help too much.

Being around other Ns makes talking much easier because we tend to share common interests. Also being around Ss who like the same non-mainstream subjects as me are also easy for me to talk to.

Because I never truly took the time to embrace myself on a lot of subjects Ss enjoy, I feel like I can be a boring person. I love talking with other people, but I can sit silent in a whole group because the subject being talked about is either A: something I have no interest in, B: something I know nothing about, or C: both. I fear other people feel the same way on the subjects that interest me (in other words, I don't care too much for their favorite subjects while they don't care too much for my favorite subjects), so never bringing up my favorite subjects is a common senario.

This bothers me less now than what it use to be because I know there are people who enjoy the same subjects as I do. There are just less of them. Actually taking the time to learn about what interests other people has been very helpful as well.


Do you find you hold parts of yourself back from others, understanding they will find them unacceptable?


Truly, I love being open, honest, and blunt. Problem is, there are people who are very critical and close minded.

I can't stand close minded people, and I almost never open up to them because being shot down just doesn't appeal to me. I don't care if you have made your decision as long as you have took the time to see all of the angels, or at least listen to a different side.

Critical people are different as constructive criticism is very useful. For those people, they have to prove to me they truly care and earn my trust. Thing is, if you do nothing but criticize with no encouragement, you will have a hard time getting me to open up.

I will admit, you have to show me you truly care about me before I can begin to open up to you. Some people do this very quickly while others take more time.

Do you hold back parts of yourself in fear of overwhelming others with your emotions, your intensity, your depth of thought or feeling, or your insights they may not "get"? (I could see all of these things from the different NF flavors)

As I said, I love being open, honest, and blunt. I use to be super open with everybody, but I have overwhelmed them with with my emotions, my intensity, my depth or thought or feeling, and/or my insights others may not "get". Learning by doing is my best method of learning and this is a lesson learned the hard way. This has caused me to see if you truly care, before you can see my deeper side.

Can you describe what your "core", your truest self feels like? What face would you choose to show the world if you knew that you would be unconditionally accepted for everything that you are?

My core self would like to tell you what I think and/or how I feel at any given moment. The reasons listed above is what is stopping me.
 
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