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Thread: ENFJ and ESTP

  1. #1
    Member Kymlee's Avatar
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    Default ENFJ and ESTP

    So I think I've finally typed my boyfriend, and if I'm right, this is my first successful typing... Now my questions are....

    What can these two types accomplish together, what things should they steer clear of, and what kind of advice would you give to someone who's SO does NOT believe in MBTI... are ESTPs skeptics by nature?
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    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    My ex fiance was an ENFJ and we were together for 3.5 years- he was kind of a very deranged asshole though towards the end (I seriously think he needed mental help!) so what I say might not be totally applicable.

    We were the power couple of our group- both extroverts, both friendly, we both loved entertaining, trying new things and having A LOT of sex... when it was good it was quite good.

    Then things fell apart- the illusions wore off and we started to fight... we still had a lot of sex and we still entertained, but it was more like going to a party at the Faulkners- we'd get drunk and get in a huge fight over something... usually I would be talking to another guy, he'd get jealous and start yelling at me and I'd yell right back, because nobody gets away with yelling at me like that I started to find his tendancy to go way overboard with anything he read (like buying me a kimono and asking me to be "his little geisha" after reading Memoirs of a Geisha) and his pretentions of culture (announcing that Waterlilies, my computer desktop at the time- was a the least aesthetically pleasing Mo-NET piece he'd seen... seriously, he could have given The Continental a run for his money! :steam started to REALLY grate on me, but I tried to work with it.

    On the other hand I was accused of being a slut for talking to other guys and was accused of being less cultured and incredibly stupid because I tend to be rather direct and tended to read things like Hitchhiker's Guide instead of Faust

    It did not end well... he ran off with a friend of mine who was from a different background because she was "more exotic" :rolli:

    You seem much more mentally healthy than he is though- so it could go quite well... I get along with my ENFJ sis and have a lot of fun joking around with her
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

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    Member Kymlee's Avatar
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    back !!!

    Ya, I've heard that underdeveloped ENFJs can be very uh.... hard to deal with.

    I was wondering from an ESTP perspective, what are things I should avoid. I mean we get into fights like every couple, that's pretty much unavoidable, but personally, I have a really REALLY hard time with people who are negative all the time, and while he is not ALWAYS negative, and when he is, he tries to correct it, It is a dominant personality trait. I think this is purely because of the circumstances he's encountered. How can I help him see the beauty in life without trying to shove it in his face? Do you know any other ESTPs like this?
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    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    I'm pretty disgustingly positive, and any other ESTP I know in real life or on this site is pretty much all rainbows and sunshine as well I know that if I get super stressed I can get snappy and imagine worst case scenarios like nobody's business, but that doesn't even happen very often... maybe take him out hiking? Or to a restraunt with a new food he's wanted to try? or wrestle him!

    The things that annoy me most about the ENFJs that I know, as an ESTP, are:

    a. occasionally yelling at me for offending them, when I didn't even know that I'd offended them... they sometimes misinterpret my words as being an insult

    b. stubborn disconnection from reality (i.e. becoming mildly obsessed with something they read about, or insisting that a creative writing major is a good career choice )

    c. jealousy issues- I've never met an ENFJ who didn't have an impressive jealous streak, which is difficult when my natural communication style is deemed flirtatious. I'm not trying to flirt, I'm being friendly damn it! :steam:

    d. kind of being a control freak, to those of an ExxP personality

    though you do seem like a better developed ENFJ, which is a good thing I know that my type isn't any better to deal with when immature!
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

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    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    My highschool sweetheart of 4 years was an ENFJ, and I am an ESTP.
    It was a great relationship.
    "Relations of Activity"
    We calmed each other down as we were very happy exploring life together.
    It can be lots of fun.

    My wife of 16 years is an INFJ.
    Apparently ESTP guys have a thing for xNFJ chickies!
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    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

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    Member Kymlee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    I'm pretty disgustingly positive, and any other ESTP I know in real life or on this site is pretty much all rainbows and sunshine as well I know that if I get super stressed I can get snappy and imagine worst case scenarios like nobody's business, but that doesn't even happen very often... maybe take him out hiking? Or to a restraunt with a new food he's wanted to try? or wrestle him!

    The things that annoy me most about the ENFJs that I know, as an ESTP, are:

    a. occasionally yelling at me for offending them, when I didn't even know that I'd offended them... they sometimes misinterpret my words as being an insult

    b. stubborn disconnection from reality (i.e. becoming mildly obsessed with something they read about, or insisting that a creative writing major is a good career choice )

    c. jealousy issues- I've never met an ENFJ who didn't have an impressive jealous streak, which is difficult when my natural communication style is deemed flirtatious. I'm not trying to flirt, I'm being friendly damn it! :steam:

    d. kind of being a control freak, to those of an ExxP personality

    though you do seem like a better developed ENFJ, which is a good thing I know that my type isn't any better to deal with when immature!
    u know, the more you're explaining, the more I'm unsure that hes ESTP.... hmm..... I'm so new at this... He does show more characteristics in ESTP, and I studied ALL the Extroverted types, because I don't think hes very Introverted (although he does hate people) Hes very much outgoing, not shy one bit....
    hm.
    and usually he's the jealous one, I have a pretty small jealous side, I learned forever ago that distrust is the first relationship killer there is.
    I am at a loss. I don't know for sure what he is, and he thinks MBTI is a joke and wont take the test...
    sigh.

    I dont know what to do.
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  7. #7
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Mmm...Kymlee, my dear, if for whatever reason that doesn't work out, I would give the ENxPs a shot...maybe that's just where I am right now, but for whatever reason, they seem to work.
    Love is the point.

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    I think it is going to work out fine, regardless of type I love him more than anything, and he's the only person I've ever felt that I could 100 percent commit to. I guess I just wish that I could get him to take the test. (I'm very curious)
    thanks for the info though... Who knows, my first thought was that he was an ENFP, but there was some traits that didn't seem to be like him, out of the two, ESTP and ENFP, he was more ESTP (he's totally got that sensing thing... but he DOES have Ni, and he trusts it...) like I said. Maybe I'm all wrong about his type.
    Kymlee: Life Story
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    -Sydney J. Harris

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