I'm an INFJ - 37 years old. I'd been dating a 30 year old INFP for only several months. We're both females. She's Japanese and I had lived in Japan for nearly a decade, so it seemed like a match made in heaven. However, we just broke up (or have decided to go "on a break" - which in my mind is a break-up), and I'm trying to piece together what has happened.
My question is about her indecisiveness. Throughout the three-month relationship, it was impossible to figure out if she was on or off. Let me explain: In the first month and a half, she continued to date another woman, so I gave her an ultimatum: "either you focus on me solely, or I'm not able to date you." So after much deliberation, she said she wanted to just see me. Then she turns up the heat and starts to smother me, tells me constantly how much she likes me, etc. So, had to ask her to chill out. After requesting this several times, she finally does. But then she turns everything down, to the point where I started to wonder where the passion went...so I asked her, and then she said she wasn't sure if we were compatible or if we were having communication issues. I said I still wanted to date, but just figure out our communication issues and then determine if we were compatible. But she said she needed to think about it...
Here's where the mixed signals start. That same night she said she didn't know if she wanted to date me, she asked if I would stay over. (I didn't.) The next 10 days until last night, she calls me constantly, texts, makes plans, asks to meet my friends, says she wants to meet my brother when he's in town, etc. Generally, I'm taking this as a sign that she likes me. But when I ask her for an update on her feelings about us - 10 days after the initial discussion - she says she's still thinking!
At this point, I'm getting annoyed and I ask her what she's doing hanging out with me, when she feels so unsure. She responded that she was just trying to be with me, but that she felt really pressured by my request for an answer.
The other component is that she's really stressed at work and she's tired all the time. This has impacted our intimacy. I have asked her if she is into me, attracted to me, etc. She said she is, but we had once had an issue with sex because she was very vocal in bed, and I wasn't sure how to respond, being very quiet myself. It wasn't a big deal, but she's still hung up on it.
The bottom line is that I've made clear that I want to date her, accept her for who she is, and want to develop a deeper connection so we can enhance all other aspects of our relationship. She often responds that she wants someone lighthearted and playful. All these signs lead me to think that we shouldn't be together.
My question to you all is: Is it normal to be so indecisive as an INFP? If she's not into me, then she should just say so instead of giving mixed signals (which she admited to giving). Do INFPs do this often? Mixed signals, wishy washy, hot and cold, can't decide, etc.?