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Thread: ENFJs get mad?

  1. #31
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    I'm about to have a major talk with my ENFJ friend, hope it goes well. This anger thing has gotten me anxious.

  2. #32
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    I have an ENFJ mom, sister, and ex-boyfriend (whom I still speak to often).

    Their Fe just spouts out all the rage they're feeling at that moment.

    My mother is more intense than my sister and ex, though. I think it's because she's been so stressed out for quite some time. She'd just get upset with me out of nowhere - she wasn't communicating things she had been feeling and would just snap about something that was annoying her. It was obvious that she had things pent up and then would suddenly release it out of nowhere. That hasn't been happening lately, though, so I'm hoping it stays that way.

    I would say that it's just evident my sister is upset when she is upset. She doesn't really snap and get really angry - I haven't lived with her in a while though, so I just see her at her good moments, lol.

    I've had tiffs with my ex where he just got really angry out of nowhere, but this was at a time where things were rocky between us (not long after we broke up) and I think he just was unlashing things he was feeling in the wrong way.

  3. #33
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Hurtful behavior that I can't determine a justification for is the worst. I'm relatively calm so long as I can understand someone's motivation; but without that insight, repeated misbehavior goes without my forgiveness. Clear and honest communication is key for me. I'm prone to building up resentments when I feel as though someone is taking advantage of me, but I voice my objections to mistreatment long before my frustration turns into anger. I definitely don't just pop off without what I believe to be fair warning.
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    I'm about to have a major talk with my ENFJ friend, hope it goes well. This anger thing has gotten me anxious.
    Just out of curiousity, what are you going to talk to him about?

    Are you going to ask him why you never see him get pissed off?

  5. #35
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eric B View Post
    I don't know much about ENFJ's personally, but looking at the Interaction Styles and temperament, ENJ-Choleric, and NF Phlegmatic or the fifth temperament Supine which are the total opposite. Choleric is aggressive and critical, while NF is peace seeking. (Keirsey says NF is Choleric, which would make this the "pure" Choleric type, but it clearly has an aspect of it that is opposite of Choleric). So they try to be peaceful, but can react if they feel crossed. And Supine has its own propensity to react hostilly if they feel used. (Which happens a lot when people take advantage of their service, and Keirsey apparently interpreted as "choleric" reaction).
    This explains a lot. I feel like I have two people living inside me who TOTALLY disagree on how to handle things, like a warlord and preschool teacher.

    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    Angry ENFJ ? Sound like a good forplay.
    My ENTP ex bf verbatim. The fiend. Wind me up, will you? Game. On.

    Quote Originally Posted by Brendan View Post
    I've been told I'm cute when I'm angry, contrary to how I feel when I'm angry.
    I had a guy say that to me once and I must have shot him the vilest nastiest look because he backed away from me apologizing. Don't know about you, Brendan, but I'd feel undermined and treated like I was a fluffy cutesie-poo.

    How does it make you feel?
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    This explains a lot. I feel like I have two people living inside me who TOTALLY disagree on how to handle things, like a warlord and preschool teacher.
    ANGRY ENFJ =




  7. #37
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RedruM View Post
    Just out of curiousity, what are you going to talk to him about?

    Are you going to ask him why you never see him get pissed off?
    Hahahah no, I don't really care I've never seen him pissed off.

    We are really good friends and (in my opinion) we have been pioneers for each other friendship wise. No one has become this close to me and I think its the same for him. Since we're becoming so close we are coming to a point where you have to start being aware of the other person more in order to keep progressing your friendship.

    My friend is awesome but he does NOT know how to talk about he feels. It just doesnt happen. He is intimidating, we are both in a department in college that was created when we first came to college and both of us have been very successful in helping pioneer the program. He's also very intense and so you have to be intense right back in order to handle him. The problem his sometimes he (just like anyone else) has those days where you are just a little bit more sensitive. If he is not able to communicate that to people they arent going to know, thats just the way it is. He doesnt show emotion a lot of the time so the days hes sensitive looks just like the days hes his normal intimidating, intense self.

    I'm not blameless either. The reason I need to talk to him is negativity is something that I struggle with. We've had some problems lately because its the end of the semester and we've both been stressed beyond belief and we leave for the Middle East in a month. I think when we get stressed out I become negative and he becomes more sensitive. Its not a very good combination. I think I just need to put how I feel out there. I dont really know how its going to turn out. I'm pretty sure everything will be fine.
    Last edited by Patches; 12-20-2013 at 02:06 AM.

  8. #38
    Member StoryToTell's Avatar
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    I haven't read the whole thread, but this makes me wonder if a friend of mine is indeed an ENFJ. She's extremely sensitive and gets offended quickly. She will not attempt to hide her anger within the first instance of the offense, but soon after will give you the cold shoulder. Sometimes for weeks. Does this resonate with any ENFJs here?

  9. #39
    Guerilla Urbanist Brendan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    I had a guy say that to me once and I must have shot him the vilest nastiest look because he backed away from me apologizing. Don't know about you, Brendan, but I'd feel undermined and treated like I was a fluffy cutesie-poo.

    How does it make you feel?
    It makes me feel angry -_-
    There is no such thing as separation from God.

  10. #40
    ⒺⓉⒷ Eric B's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    This explains a lot. I feel like I have two people living inside me who TOTALLY disagree on how to handle things, like a warlord and preschool teacher.
    INTP's likely have the same conflict going on, but in reverse, between the reserved, open INP and the pragmatic, critical NT.
    APS Profile: Inclusion: e/w=1/6 (Supine) |Control: e/w=7/3 (Choleric) |Affection: e/w=1/9 (Supine)
    Ti 54.3 | Ne 47.3 | Si 37.8 | Fe 17.7 | Te 22.5 | Ni 13.4 | Se 18.9 | Fi 27.9

    Temperament (APS) from scratch -- MBTI Type from scratch
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