[NF] Nf's: Pursue or be pursued?

[Dahlila]

Alright, Alright, Alright Dahlila... quit twisting my arm... If you wanna try something new.. You can go ahead and start pursuing me.

Who better to start with than an ENFJ right?

hmmmm

 

[Hate]

hmmmm

HaHaaaaaa

INFP + ENFJ = well....ya know

Okay..... you can start now.

 

[Dahlila]

HaHaaaaaa

INFP + ENFJ = well....ya know

Okay..... you can start now.

See NF's, this thread sparks romance Let the pursuing begin!

 

[chickpea]

i always pursue, but it's worked for me so far. i wouldn't even know how to go about being the pursuer if i wanted to. i'd be way too nervous.

 

[Amargith]

I think she's saying she digs antisocial nerds...

Nah, even they have chasing instincts ime. You first have to whack em over the head a few times though, like get them pissy. Once they come after you coz you pushed their buttons and got them ranting on their pet peeves, you get giggly and girly. Watch them go confused. Switch back to pissing them off. Push repeat. Before you know it, you've got the antisocial nerd chasing you and actually enjoying it

It just takes them a while to catch on to the rules of the game

 

[Dahlila]

Nah, even they have chasing instincts ime. You first have to whack em over the head a few times though, like get them pissy. Once they come after you coz you pushed their buttons and got them ranting on their pet peeves, you get giggly and girly. Watch them go confused. Switch back to pissing them off. Push repeat. Before you know it, you've got the antisocial nerd chasing you and actually enjoying it

It just takes them a while to catch on to the rules of the game

What a lengthy process. I wish there was a Discovery Channel or Planet Earth special on the mating habits of the Humanus Dorkasus

 

[Lauren]

I've usually been pursued and in a couple of instances, it was clear it was mutual (we both did a little pursuing) before we hooked up. I've only recently pursued someone at length because he began the pursuit and then I realized I loved him. I've gone far out onto a limb with this person with no regrets, though I'm uncomfortable to be so obvious and forward. Still, I swallowed, and took the leap because he's sensitive and a little shy and I wasn't sure he would continue the pursuit without enough very obvious interest on my part (verbally telling him things that definitely indicate that I care for him).

I agree with someone else here who said they'd hope that if someone was interested but didn't think it would work out for whatever reason, that they would stop pursuing. It would be cruel not to do that. I keep getting pursuit/interested/body language signals from my pursuer (matched with the intensity of mine) and have assumed this means he does want to get the show on the road at some point. We've never simply had a "friendship" vibe. In the past, I've always let someone know, gently, if I'm not interested.

 

[MafiaAngel180]

Lol I have a thing for introverted guys who are socially awkward and nerdy. I can't help it!! When I think of E-men, I think of trouble makers who pick up anything. I'm going to hear it now, huh? I would love to be proved wrong here. Seriously!

 

[gromit]

Lol I have a thing for introverted guys who are socially awkward and nerdy.

Actually, me too.

 

[Elevated Soul]

I am typically the one who is pursued when I am interested in someone. I will usually let a guy know that I am interested through flirtation, etc., but I do not do the chasing.

I'm actually currently dealing with my first situation with a guy that isn't pursuing me like every other guy I've wanted to date has. It's not a typical situation though, because he is a good friend of mine. Not sure whether to let him know what's up with me or to just let it go, lol.

 

[Hate]

Lol I have a thing for introverted guys who are socially awkward and nerdy. I can't help it!! When I think of E-men, I think of trouble makers who pick up anything. I'm going to hear it now, huh? I would love to be proved wrong here. Seriously!

Whoa whoa whoa whoa….. wait a minute…. I don’t know what kind of e-men you know, but speaking for myself and the ENFJs that I know, we are the pickiest bastards around… (Definitely too picky in most cases) Even the slightest little action or comment can turn us off. We will definitely start a conversation with anyone, but further than that we are extremely picky.

i.e. – I met a girl the other day at my college, and we instantly clicked. We talked for about an hour and everything was fine until she made the statement that she didn’t like animals. As soon as she said that, it was like the “click” switch was turned off and immediately I was uninterested. I tried to force myself to look past that small comment, but I just couldn’t. So even though we connected in most areas it still didn’t matter. If I don't connect with someone on a deeper level then it just isn't gonna happen. Maybe when I was younger I could look past the deeper connection thing, but now that i'm older, a deeper connection is actually the thing that I crave most. With ENFJs there is a definite difference between being outgoing and simply just picking anybody up. Just because we are outgoing and can talk to anyone doesn’t mean that we want to.

I think what you’re referring to are the younger e-men who don’t fully know who they are yet. They are the ones that will pick up anything. But the older more mature ENFJ man that knows exactly who he is would never do this.

 

[MrRandom88]

Lol I have a thing for introverted guys who are socially awkward and nerdy. I can't help it!!

And the sex is ________.

 

[Brendan]

About a 50:50 mix.

 

[Elevated Soul]

Lol I have a thing for introverted guys who are socially awkward and nerdy. I can't help it!! When I think of E-men, I think of trouble makers who pick up anything. I'm going to hear it now, huh? I would love to be proved wrong here. Seriously!

Nah, I really don't think that's true. Although most men, whether or not they are extroverted, in my opinion, do go after whatever seems most physically attractive to them, there are extroverted men out there who do seek deeper connections. There are quite a few that I've met, and some that I still talk to.

In terms of men just going after anything they can get, that's just a horny guy looking for a quick fix when they can't get anything else. Lol. I really don't think it relates that much as to whether or not the guy is extroverted or introverted, but the extrovert would be quicker to pursue what he wants for the night.

 

[Billy]

I was pursued mostly up through college because I was a bit shy to talk to anyone, so the only way anyone got into my nickers was if they pursued me!

Now its much more even. I am getting much better at putting out the energy in a direct enough fashion to not fall into traps.

 

[Dahlila]

So we have a nice consensus on the issue. Nf's are more likely to be pursued, with some liking the 50/50 effort, and a few girls with attraction to shy guys

After dating an ISTP i find myself doing a good amount of the pursuing in the relationship. Has anyone else taken a lesson from another type in this regard?

Any more stories?

 

[Dahlila]

Whoa whoa whoa whoa….. wait a minute…. I don’t know what kind of e-men you know, but speaking for myself and the ENFJs that I know, we are the pickiest bastards around… (Definitely too picky in most cases) Even the slightest little action or comment can turn us off. We will definitely start a conversation with anyone, but further than that we are extremely picky.

i.e. – I met a girl the other day at my college, and we instantly clicked. We talked for about an hour and everything was fine until she made the statement that she didn’t like animals. As soon as she said that, it was like the “click” switch was turned off and immediately I was uninterested. I tried to force myself to look past that small comment, but I just couldn’t. So even though we connected in most areas it still didn’t matter. If I don't connect with someone on a deeper level then it just isn't gonna happen. Maybe when I was younger I could look past the deeper connection thing, but now that i'm older, a deeper connection is actually the thing that I crave most. With ENFJs there is a definite difference between being outgoing and simply just picking anybody up. Just because we are outgoing and can talk to anyone doesn’t mean that we want to.

I think what you’re referring to are the younger e-men who don’t fully know who they are yet. They are the ones that will pick up anything. But the older more mature ENFJ man that knows exactly who he is would never do this.

I have an Ex who is an ENFJ and is a complete doormat for anyone who comes his way, no real standards to be seen. Is that a younger ENFJ problem?

 

[Hate]

I have an Ex who is an ENFJ and is a complete doormat for anyone who comes his way, no real standards to be seen. Is that a younger ENFJ problem?

Hmmmmm... that's a tough one. I really don't want to generalize about age, but it is definitely a maturity thing. A young ENFJ that hasn't really discovered himself or found his place in the world can definitely have this problem. Of course there are younger ENFJs that aren't doormats, so the main issue has to do with experience and maturity. An immature ENFJ that lacks life experience can definitely be a doormat. All of the ENFJs that I know grew up in rough neighborhoods, so out of necessity we had to "toughen ourselves up" so that people would not try and take advantage of our kindness. It's fairly easy to take advantage of an immature ENFJ, but a mature ENFJ that knows exactly who they are would never let this happen. So I guess it kind of has to do with age, because with age comes maturity. (for most people). But I guess there are some of us that just mature faster than others. For myself I had to mature real fast in order to ensure my survival.

 

[_dp]

Hmmm; I'd rather pursue; but that's probably because I am male and I am ENFJ, so I sort of feel that I *should* pursue? I'd also feel slightly weird being pursued too, especially by someone I don't think I can return the feelings for
hmm

 

[Vasilisa]

I'm typically pursued.
But when I am loving you back, I delight in doing little acts of love that can melt your heart.