• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[NF] Nf's: Pursue or be pursued?

Dahlila

New member
Joined
Mar 12, 2010
Messages
45
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
9
In my short dating experience I have 90% of the time been the one who was pursued.

How about my fellow NF's? In your experience have you been the one pursued or the one doing the persuing?

And is this real a type issue?
Thoughts!:hug:
 

disregard

mrs
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
7,826
MBTI Type
INFP
Both people need to give off signals of attraction in order to convey interest to one another, but on a technical level, most notably I've pursued.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
hmm...i would think it more an e/i thing but i could be wrong...seeing as to how you're an i haha :)
 

Rainne

One day and the next
Joined
Mar 7, 2010
Messages
875
MBTI Type
ISTP
In my short dating experience I have 90% of the time been the one who was pursued.

How about my fellow NF's? In your experience have you been the one pursued or the one doing the persuing?

And is this real a type issue?
Thoughts!:hug:

Well, seeing as you are a woman (presumably) AND an INFP, that's not really a surprise.

Also, as for pursuing, do you mean who actually initiates (ex: ask the person out), or who begins giving the obvious body language signals first.
 

ajblaise

Minister of Propagandhi
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
7,914
MBTI Type
INTP
INFP - INFJ - ENFP - ENFJ
<-pursued-----pursue->

I think it goes like that typically, but I'm no NF. I'll see what they have to say.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
pursued is a funny word.
 

Unkindloving

Lungs & Lips Locked
Joined
Dec 10, 2009
Messages
2,963
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
4w5
I pursue (almost aggressively) if i'm interested, but am pursued when disinterested.
I find it far easier and within my abilities to pursue others though.

INFP - INFJ - ENFP - ENFJ
<-pursued-----pursue->

I think it goes like that typically, but I'm no NF. I'll see what they have to say.

I would agree with this.
 

Dahlila

New member
Joined
Mar 12, 2010
Messages
45
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
9
Ajblaise: I can definately see that.
Rainne: It's not suprising, but I'm sure there are some other INFP's who can be the pursuer. We can be determined people :D
 

FalseHeartDothKnow

New member
Joined
Nov 20, 2009
Messages
279
MBTI Type
INFP
Personally, I'd never really persue anybody because to be honest I don't have the first clue how to go about it, and there's always something inside which is like 'that'd be intrusive' even though it really isnt.
I usually try to find ways to be helpful and useful to those I'm attracted to, even if that means they want helping to get with another woman that they like, I figure, at least they're happy...I won't help if i'm not needed/wanted to though.
 

disregard

mrs
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
7,826
MBTI Type
INFP
When I really want someone, and I think it's a good idea, like with my boyfriend/fiance, I will pursue. It was the boldest I've ever been, but it was risk rejection (which I gathered was unlikely, but that did nothing for the nerves) or risk never having what I want, so I picked my poison.

In the past when merely basking in the warmth of someone's attraction to me, not really knowing if a relationship was feasible, I have allow myself to be pursued.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Personally, I'd never really persue anybody because to be honest I don't have the first clue how to go about it, and there's always something inside which is like 'that'd be intrusive' even though it really isnt.
I usually try to find ways to be helpful and useful to those I'm attracted to, even if that means they want helping to get with another woman that they like, I figure, at least they're happy.

um wow...that must be hard. :cry:
 

swordpath

New member
Joined
Oct 24, 2007
Messages
10,547
MBTI Type
ISTx
Enneagram
5w6
I have the same dilemma that FalseHeart mentioned: contending with the desire to pursue, but to not come off as intrusive or seeming too "eager", I guess.

To the NF's: so you'll entertain being pursued even when and maybe long after the point of disinterest? That sure could be fucking frustrating for the pursuer... Though, I'm thinking that this would vary depending on the individual and not be type related so much...?
 

Forever_Jung

Active member
Joined
May 23, 2009
Messages
2,644
MBTI Type
ESFJ
I think I/E has a lot to do with it, like Lady_X said. I also think intuitives are less likely to pursue others because some of them are almost content to idealize and dream about people without actually much real connection.

Not to be sexist, but I also think gender might come into this a lot. I am not saying all girls are pursued and all guys pursue, but in my experience the onus of the pursuit does seem to be on the guy more often than not. Maybe it's just where I live, but it seems more acceptable (or at least expected) for guys to be more forward about these things. For example, I am one of the least forward people in the world and despite that I was the one who did the chasing in each instance. That being said I might HAVE to be aggressive because I don't attract girls :D
 

FalseHeartDothKnow

New member
Joined
Nov 20, 2009
Messages
279
MBTI Type
INFP
I think I/E has a lot to do with it, like Lady_X said. I also think intuitives are less likely to pursue others because some of them are almost content to idealize and dream about people without actually much real connection.

Not to be sexist, but I also think gender might come into this a lot. I am not saying all girls are pursued and all guys pursue, but in my experience the onus of the pursuit does seem to be on the guy more often than not. Maybe it's just where I live, but it seems more acceptable (or at least expected) for guys to be more forward about these things. For example, I am one of the least forward people in the world and despite that I was the one who did the chasing in each instance. That being said I might HAVE to be aggressive because I don't attract girls :D

A little bit like George McFly in BTTF I suppose
 

disregard

mrs
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
7,826
MBTI Type
INFP
I have the same dilemma that FalseHeart mentioned: contending with the desire to pursue, but to not come off as intrusive or seeming too "eager", I guess.

To the NF's: so you'll entertain being pursued even when and maybe long after the point of disinterest? That sure could be fucking frustrating for the pursuer...

I was thinking about flirting between two people that never intended to get the show on the road.

If the boy actually wanted me and me alone, I wouldn't ever do that. I know how to convey the "just friends" message.
 

Rainne

One day and the next
Joined
Mar 7, 2010
Messages
875
MBTI Type
ISTP
Ajblaise: I can definately see that.
Rainne: It's not suprising, but I'm sure there are some other INFP's who can be the pursuer. We can be determined people :D

nice =)
 

FalseHeartDothKnow

New member
Joined
Nov 20, 2009
Messages
279
MBTI Type
INFP
I have the same dilemma that FalseHeart mentioned: contending with the desire to pursue, but to not come off as intrusive or seeming too "eager", I guess.

To the NF's: so you'll entertain being pursued even when and maybe long after the point of disinterest? That sure could be fucking frustrating for the pursuer... Though, I'm thinking that this would vary depending on the individual and not be type related so much...?

No, never. That'd would be really harsh on the person who was pursuing me, and playing with someone's emotions is cruel...If I only liked someone as a friend I'd have to let them down gently, otherwise I'd feel like a pretty poor friend.
 

Unkindloving

Lungs & Lips Locked
Joined
Dec 10, 2009
Messages
2,963
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
4w5
To the NF's: so you'll entertain being pursued even when and maybe long after the point of disinterest? That sure could be fucking frustrating for the pursuer... Though, I'm thinking that this would vary depending on the individual and not be type related so much...?

Personally, i make my feelings very apparent if i know i am disinterested and being pursued. In a number of cases the people have continued to pursue despite what i tell them. That is frustrating :laugh:
I can definitely see the other way around being frustrating, as well. Communication is such a brilliant thing and needs to happen more frequently.
 
Top