[INFP] What are some reasons INFPs aren't well liked?

[SecondBest]

Without reading the thread, here are my thoughts.

1. We're usually depressed.
2. We are intense.
3. We're generally flaky.
4. We're capable of giving a lot of warmth to others, and then walk away without thinking about it or realizing what we're doing. Gives others the feeling of having their chair pulled out underneath them. I understand how much this must suck. I try to be careful in this respect though I have my moments.

 

[grey bottom socks]

Without reading the thread, here are my thoughts.

1. We're usually depressed.
2. We are intense.
3. We're generally flaky.
4. We're capable of giving a lot of warmth to others, and then walk away without thinking about it or realizing what we're doing. Gives others the feeling of having their chair pulled out underneath them. I understand how much this must suck. I try to be careful in this respect though I have my moments.

SB:

Can you please elaborate with point #4. I kind of understand, but not completely. You mean like teasing or too much, too soon (see below)?

For me, I express what I 'see', feel, and intuit at that moment, about/to that person (if we are discussing them), and share my 'thoughts.' This is a stored, build-up of outpour, so to speak.

I rarely physically touch others, usually only family members and close friends, if the situation calls for it.

I find it hard to regulate my release of intense-tions, most of the time. But again, I would only show this side of me to individuals I cared (enough) for. I might do a disappearing act, because moments later I question whether I over-reacted, possibly overwhelmed the other person, or exposed myself too much, too soon. OR I start sensing the other person thinks me 'funny' acting.

I hope this makes sense.

 

[SecondBest]

Yeah, what you're saying definitely makes sense.

This may very well be a personal thing with me rather than a general INFP thing, but like you said I found it difficult in the past to regulate this kind of intense sympathy or compassion, for lack of a better term. And yes, I'd react the same way, because I feel like I may have overwhelmed the other person AND exposed myself too soon.

Even now, I tend to avoid certain questions on this forum because it brings out a side of me I wasn't ready to share with the world again, but I've found it difficult lately as the strength i had to regulate certain aspects of who I am is dwindling with each passing day. But, I digress.

The point is - these "release of intense emotions" you're talking about does have an overwhelming effect on the other person - and it's usually a good and euphoric feeling. Problem is though that, depending on the INFP, you don't realize that you've done this and the other person, more often than not, has become attached to you as a result of this euphoric feeling you've given them. You don't realize this, you walk away, and they're forced to let go of the attachment. Or you do realize it, and walk away anyway, because who wants someone else clinging to them like that?

To use the chair analogy, you're providing yourself as the chair. They sit on you without you realizing they have cuz INFPs, I think, are very used to being sat on. You get up to get a glass of water and they've fallen on their ass and are mad at you for it.

People like to make fun of INFPs and call them doormats. But you can always hurt someone by pulling the doormat from underneath them while they're standing on it. That's the thing non-INFPs don't realize. And often times, it can be more devastating than any direct violent action.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

I think we're liked okay. Maybe not as respected as we'd like, but still liked.

 

[Sniffles]

They're too cute for their own good, enough to drive you insane!

Kinda like this:
[youtube="y4rMkIZv_nk"]INFPs![/youtube]

 

[grey bottom socks]

Yeah, what you're saying definitely makes sense.

This may very well be a personal thing with me rather than a general INFP thing, but like you said I found it difficult in the past to regulate this kind of intense sympathy or compassion, for lack of a better term. And yes, I'd react the same way, because I feel like I may have overwhelmed the other person AND exposed myself too soon.

Even now, I tend to avoid certain questions on this forum because it brings out a side of me I wasn't ready to share with the world again, but I've found it difficult lately as the strength i had to regulate certain aspects of who I am is dwindling with each passing day. But, I digress.

The point is - these "release of intense emotions" you're talking about does have an overwhelming effect on the other person - and it's usually a good and euphoric feeling. Problem is though that, depending on the INFP, you don't realize that you've done this and the other person, more often than not, has become attached to you as a result of this euphoric feeling you've given them. You don't realize this, you walk away, and they're forced to let go of the attachment. Or you do realize it, and walk away anyway, because who wants someone else clinging to them like that?

To use the chair analogy, you're providing yourself as the chair. They sit on you without you realizing they have cuz INFPs, I think, are very used to being sat on. You get up to get a glass of water and they've fallen on their ass and are mad at you for it.

People like to make fun of INFPs and call them doormats. But you can always hurt someone by pulling the doormat from underneath them while they're standing on it. That's the thing non-INFPs don't realize. And often times, it can be more devastating than any direct violent action.

Wow! Where to begin? =0_o=

I can definitely relate to many of these posts.

I allowed myself to get burned badly first time around, and hopefully I've learned my lesson about becoming someone's doormat. I can conjure past negative 'emotions' fairly well, and I never want to go down that ugly unbecoming path, ...ever again.

My pride, paranoia, and stubborness have kept me intact, so far. I have trust issues, so I don't let people in easily. It's only after I get a good enough read on a potential person, do I actually consider, letting them in.

So maybe these demonstrations/outpours is level 2 going on 3. If they respond well (i.e., reciprocate, self disclose, empathize, etc.) a relationship starts solidifying.

I don't like keeping tabs, but you have to look for mutual care & concern and a balance of give and take. If you are aware of your weaknesses, work on them and improve yourself, for you.

I think this thread is proof that we usually mean well and have good intentions, but most times we are misunderstood by others. I hate to say the word, but we need to work on our boundaries.


p.s. I'm listening to R.E.M.'s tune 'Everybody Hurts'

 

[Wonkavision]

Aren't INFPs pretty much liked by everyone?

It seems like they might occasionally go unnoticed, but it would be very hard to dislike them, wouldn't it?

Unless they've got serious mental problems, INFPs don't really give a reason for anyone to dislike them.

And there are PLENTY of reasons why people would LIKE them.

They're generally easy-going, accomodating, supportive, pleasant and cooperative with everyone, at least on the surface (which is all that really counts to most people), plus they're unique and interesting, and have a kind of goofy charm, and they're very good listeners.

All of these qualities together results in being pretty much liked by everyone.


Or am I wrong?

Is it going to be like a popularity contest in the business world, too? Are there going to be cliques in the workplace?

Unfortunately, yes. Absolutely.

 

[Rebe]

We are very bad with instructions, directions and numbers. Inferior Te/Si. Unless they have a personal importance to us. This may be very frustrating to some, especially infps' bosses/co-workers.

We can go into our quiet/withdrawn moods easily making people awkward/uncomfortable because they are not sure how to respond/deal.

But we make up for it because we are SO cute even when we are mad/indignant. I use my cute-ness to my full advantage. Also, we are thoughtful, loyal, intelligent...etc...etc.

 

[angell_m]

I don't mean that all INFPs are disliked by everyone, but what are some of the traits that INFPs share that can make some INFPs unpopular?

I'm in college now, near to finishing my sophomore year, and I still cannot make sense of it. I mean, I was really unpopular in elementary/primary school, then in high school was all right - not that popular or well-liked but about average.

Is it going to be like a popularity contest in the business world, too? Are there going to be cliques in the workplace?

I was one of the popular kids in grade school, middle school, and high school. I just never realized it until I got older.

I was competitive and hot tempered in grade school, so I was often picked on for being cocky and precocious (mostly by adults). In middle school I was picked on for being "different" and by that I mean my dialect (I moved around from city to city a lot, and dialects has a lot to say on status in Norway... girls dig my dialect.. boys envy it). Except my last two years in middle school, that's when nobody picked on me, ever. And in high school I was picked on for, appearantly, being "cute" and "nice".

 

[Emmilou]

Everything relates to your own experience somehow. Just once I'd like an INFP to say, "I have no idea what that would feel like!" Seriously guys, Can't I experience something completely unrelated to your experiences!?

 

[angell_m]

Everything relates to your own experience somehow. Just once I'd like an INFP to say, "I have no idea what that would feel like!" Seriously guys, Can't I experience something completely unrelated to your experiences!?

HAHAHA!

We're old souls?

 

[Emmilou]

HAHAHA!

We're old souls?

You're supposed to say: Ugh girl, I know exactly what that's like. This one time I was writing a poem...

 

[Rebe]

If we can't relate we give zero sympathy. Actually, we would just stop listening. Sorry!

 

[Emmilou]

If we can't relate we give zero sympathy. Actually, we would just stop listening. Sorry!

As long as I don't have to hear about your novel or your dream interpretations, it's a deal!

 

[JivinJeffJones]

As long as I don't have to hear about your unfinished novel or your dream interpretations, it's a deal!

Fixed. This is an INFP you're talking to, remember.

 

[Scott N Denver]

Without reading the thread, here are my thoughts.

1. We're usually depressed.
2. We are intense.
3. We're generally flaky.
4. We're capable of giving a lot of warmth to others, and then walk away without thinking about it or realizing what we're doing. Gives others the feeling of having their chair pulled out underneath them. I understand how much this must suck. I try to be careful in this respect though I have my moments.

I disagree with number 1. I think we are often not assertive enough for others, and that we spend a lot of time reflecting/pondering/wondering/soul-searching etc, whereas others are "busy" "doing" things. We see excessively ponderous and not engaged enough in the current at-the-moment activities. At least, I've seen that as the case many times.

I think we're liked okay. Maybe not as respected as we'd like, but still liked.

I strongly concur with this

Aren't INFPs pretty much liked by everyone?

It seems like they might occasionally go unnoticed, but it would be very hard to dislike them, wouldn't it?

Unless they've got serious mental problems, INFPs don't really give a reason for anyone to dislike them.

And there are PLENTY of reasons why people would LIKE them.

They're generally easy-going, accomodating, supportive, pleasant and cooperative with everyone, at least on the surface (which is all that really counts to most people), plus they're unique and interesting, and have a kind of goofy charm, and they're very good listeners.

All of these qualities together results in being pretty much liked by everyone.


Or am I wrong?

It depends on *why* the relationship in qstn exists. Personally, I've had lots of experiences, usually work-related, where basically people''s attitude is "I don't give a darn about you, and there is no 'us', now quit being all personal and go away and do your job", and when those peopel don't like you it seems to be a combo of 1) your too personal and/or 2) your not assertive enough for them. Not everyone wants to deal with a FP approach. Plenty of "practical" "pragmatic" "down to earth" people will see NP as "too flighty" "not reliable" etc. However, when people want harmony or nurturing or someone to listen to their feelings, or a light and friendly mood, or stuff like that, then yes I think we shine in those sorts of roles. "pushover" "wimpy" "soft" "not assertive enough" "too caring" "too passive" are all reasons I've heard people not like [IN]FP's, and usually its [E][N]TJ's saying those sorts of things.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Problem is though that, depending on the INFP, you don't realize that you've done this and the other person, more often than not, has become attached to you as a result of this euphoric feeling you've given them. You don't realize this, you walk away, and they're forced to let go of the attachment. Or you do realize it, and walk away anyway, because who wants someone else clinging to them like that?

I've really only had this problem in the realm of romance, where I find it hard to say no and unintentionally lead people on. Generally, people don't attach that easily to me, nor I to them. I do get the "strangers telling me their problems" phenomena that many INFXs report, but sometimes I feel I'm being used for free therapy, & then once relieved of their bottled up emotion, the person goes on their merry way.

People like to make fun of INFPs and call them doormats. But you can always hurt someone by pulling the doormat from underneath them while they're standing on it. That's the thing non-INFPs don't realize. And often times, it can be more devastating than any direct violent action.

I'm nothing near a doormat, and I can't imagine anyone viewing me that way. I've been called many unflattering things: stubborn, self-absorbed, and cold, but never a doormat. Again, the closest I've come to that is pity-dating.

Everything relates to your own experience somehow. Just once I'd like an INFP to say, "I have no idea what that would feel like!" Seriously guys, Can't I experience something completely unrelated to your experiences!?

It's not experience......that sounds like an SFP to me. I relate it to a feeling I have or have had, because I don't need to have gone through what you've gone through to get the feel of it. That's how my FiNe empathy works - vivid imagining, experiencing the broad range of human emotion in fine detail through a world in my head. The thing is, it is rare for me not to have an idea of what something feels like. However, I have definitely uttered words along those lines though. I'm not one to interject with my own experience because it has a tendency to move the focus onto myself (which is not very comforting to someone else), and of course, my idea can be wrong. Generally, I try and repeat back to someone their expression to verify if my idea is correct. Sometimes I help people articulate their feelings, which helps them work through them and find a solution.

When people relate though, they are just trying to make you feel you are not alone, and it can even serve to bond people, but I understand how it can seem invalidating, and well, annoying.

/tangent

 

[You]

I rather not be a doormat or considered cold. These are some pretty lame descriptions of human beings.

 

[Emmilou]

It's not experience......that sounds like an SFP to me. I relate it to a feeling I have or have had, because I don't need to have gone through what you've gone through to get the feel of it. That's how my FiNe empathy works - vivid imagining, experiencing the broad range of human emotion in fine detail through a world in my head. The thing is, it is rare for me not to have an idea of what something feels like. However, I have definitely uttered words along those lines though. I'm not one to interject with my own experience because it has a tendency to move the focus onto myself (which is not very comforting to someone else), and of course, my idea can be wrong. Generally, I try and repeat back to someone their expression to verify if my idea is correct. Sometimes I help people articulate their feelings, which helps them work through them and find a solution.

When people relate though, they are just trying to make you feel you are not alone, and it can even serve to bond people, but I understand how it can seem invalidating, and well, annoying.

/tangent

Yeah you guys are usually very good at it actually, INFP's don't usually make you feel weird about your feelings. And I like it when people relate to me and/or mirror what I am saying, just sometimes I want to feel special

 

[angell_m]

As long as I don't have to hear about your unfinished novel or your dream interpretations, it's a deal!

Fixed. This is an INFP you're talking to, remember.

:yim_rolling_on_the_
:yim_rolling_on_the_
:yim_rolling_on_the_

Relating! Relating!