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[INFP] What are some reasons INFPs aren't well liked?

Arclight

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Do many INFPs feel disliked? My 15 y/o has always been liked from since she was a little baby. Mean people that hate everybody love my INFP. She is cute, but objectively, not amazingly so.

I am well liked IRL and most people I know online or in real life who I think are INFPs seem to be well liked.
I think INFPs can be very frustrating for those who want to get inside or those who simply do not understand the thought process going on, but is frustration, dislike?

I know a lot of INFPs who dislike themselves, however.
 

cafe

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I am well liked IRL and most people I know online or in real life who I think are INFPs seem to be well liked.
I think INFPs can be very frustrating for those who want to get inside or those who simply do not understand the thought process going on, but is frustration, dislike?
Most people don't ever even seem to try to scratch the surface. They just see the sweet girl and love her without ever realizing she's dumb-chill twitching at them on the inside. When she says mean stuff, they usually think she's joking or they just don't even understand what she's saying and think she's just being quirky.
 

musicnerd93

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I think because we do sometimes tend to be argumentative if we feel strongly about something.

I know it drives my friends crazy that I don't like "hanging out" a lot. I'm the only introvert among my extroverted friends. Sometimes I just wanna be left alone, they don't get it. So I think that could be another reason why we might be disliked by some people.

But, I don't know anyone who dislikes me. Or alteast nobody's mean to me or has told me they don't like me if they don't.
 

Chunes

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dominant Fi can kinda lean towards self absorbedness sometimes, most INFPs I know go through fazes of that where they go soul-searching in a dark room somewhere, before emerging in a more tranquil state of mind later on, and being very willing to act as some sort of agony aunt for the masses, and the fluctuation between the two can really annoy less 'changeable' people. Feel free to disagree anyone if this seems wrong.

I do this often. :D I think most INxx's put up with it well enough, but it really annoys most other types.
 

TheEmeraldCanopy

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At times they can be too flighty, too distant, or too empathetic. They can be very grounded in situations where it doesn't call for being grounded or very unfocused in situations where it calls for focus. Harder to reel in, i suppose?
This. I have a tendency to over focus on the not so important things and under focus on the things that are important.

My friends also get very frustrated with me because I can be chronically late for things or inconsistent (I'll be early one day and late the next... but more often than not late). My biggest problems are being indecisive, socially awkward, and non-confrontational, too afraid to voice my ideas or opinions most of the time. The times that I do voice my opinion, I sort of rant about things that aren't particularly relevant or interesting to other people. Some of the things I say are overly vague and seemingly pointless/ weird/ out of nowhere (I don't mean them to be, I just don't seem to get my ideas across properly in a verbal way and almost always end up wishing I could have phrased what I had said differently to get the meaning across better).

When I do get heated up and emotional about something, most people find it really humorous and tell me to calm down, that I am being too dramatic (which in retrospect, I am usually being too dramatic).
 

trondor

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I've been told that I can be hard to pinpoint. I think INFPs dont fit to well into peoples categories, and that might be a reason to why some people feel we are untrustworthy.

People, at least many people, prefer the known to the unknown. INFPs (and other percievers, especially introverted percievers) might put off making decisions or taking a stance in controversial matters. This might contribute to making us look like we're either hidding something or are not stable enough to be trusted.

Some people prefer other people with behavior or opinions they think are wrong then other people whose behavior or opinion are hard to predict.
 

MrRandom88

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Fixing peoples posts and saying "fixed" is way overplayed bro...and you have definitely overdone your limit for the week.
 

OrangeAppled

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I've been told that I can be hard to pinpoint. I think INFPs dont fit to well into peoples categories, and that might be a reason to why some people feel we are untrustworthy.

People, at least many people, prefer the known to the unknown.

This is an interesting point. I think there is some truth to it. Hey, even eharmony rejected me because I couldn't fit into one of their boxes :D.

The known vs. unknown issue is real too....and it often leads to people jumping to conclusions. I previously mentioned how being quiet can lead to all kinds of assumptions on the part of others....people seem to want an easy explanation for your behavior.

This. I have a tendency to over focus on the not so important things and under focus on the things that are important.

Well, introverted feeling is detached from external values. A Fi-dom turns inward to decide what is important, and that may cause a large difference between their personal idea of what is important & what society says is important.

I don't like when people tell me something is not a big deal...it invalidates my feelings. It's a big deal to me for a very good reason, even if they cannot grasp why. To me, much of what concerns them is frivolous.

What are some reasons INFPs men aren't as well liked?
Fixed!

I assure you it is no easier for an INFP female. ;)
 

MrRandom88

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Orange apple just sit there and look pretty. Not hard.

Maybe in the long term you have just as hard a time, but in the short term it's easier to be an infp female in this society IMO
 

OrangeAppled

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Orange apple just sit there and look pretty. Not hard.

Maybe in the long term you have just as hard a time, but in the short term it's easier to be an infp female in this society IMO

It's Orange Appled.

When's the last time you were an INFP female?

Or an INFP for that matter? I don't see much sign of it.
 

Rainne

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Fixing peoples posts and saying "fixed" is way overplayed bro...and you have definitely overdone your limit for the week.

pfft there's no limit on how much you can fix things
 

Nomorenames

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passiveness & inconsistency with initiating conversation/plans.

"What do you wanna do?"

"I dunno, what do you wanna do?"

"I'm cool with anything, really."

"Is there anything you wanna do?"

.....

"You're okay with this? Really? For sure?"

:)
 

heart

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The idea that female INFPs have it *easy* is bunk. Society values Fe in women and also being organized, clean, neat, every hair in its place, a smile plastered on your face 24/7. Being happy and in the moment. Being a weird wildflower just isn't the thing.
 

Snuggletron

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haha, maybe because some male INFPs do not fit the average male role and when others notice it might make the INFP male insecure? Which leads to people not being as attracted to you.

although, this really isn't exclusive to INFP men, also, some learn to adapt/not care :)
 

Rainne

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"What do you wanna do?"

"I dunno, what do you wanna do?"

"I'm cool with anything, really."

"Is there anything you wanna do?"

.....

"You're okay with this? Really? For sure?"

:)

I think ISPs suffer from the same problem.
 

Eckhart

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A very complex topic in my own life, and certainly I am thinking about if often enough. At school I seemed always to be in the same time very popular and very unpopular. (Most) people seemed fascinated because I was so unconventional in comparison to other people, however therefore no one has treated me like any other person either, and no one really wanted to stay around me like with other usual friends most of the time. At school, I was never the one who people wanted to do group works, sport teams or other things with together.

I had some friends, but we barely did something when not at school. I am only wondering if it is because it just never was supposed to be a real friendship which shall remain, or it has different reasons that they think I am not interested in maintaining them.

Then again there was also always some people who really, really seemed to dislike me actively, although I have never done anything to them. I think they considered me being very aloof and arrogant, or they did because I was treated different by everyone.

Of course there is also this stuff about how you fit into the male image of our society as an primary Fi man.


To come to your questions in special:

I don't mean that all INFPs are disliked by everyone, but what are some of the traits that INFPs share that can make some INFPs unpopular?

Hm. I think it is the impression that we, as I read very often from other INFPs here in the forum, seem very aloof and even arrogant to some people who don't know us better. We tend to be rather reserved, not very outgoing, very calm and always somewhere else (in the clouds) with our heads. I can actually understand that people don't feel welcome when it seems we don't care about them all and prefer to stay alone. Of course, we INFPs know that we actually do care a lot and not really want to be left alone totally, although we need some time alone too. As we don't share from own intention very much of our most intimate inner thoughts and feelings to people we don't really feel safe with, it is very hard to actually realize for other people how we really are thinking, and only people with much patience and some ability to understand people very well in general will get the chance to get to know us. That already reduces the amount of possible friendships very much, I believe.

Of course, it is also our interests which are different to the typical interests promoted by an mostly Sensing dominated society. I know people who would know what I do all the time alone would think I lead a very boring life. I usually avoid talking too much about my private interests (unless I really feel close to those person I talk to already, so that I know they won't judge me badly for it), which on the one hand seems to make me more mystical or fascinating to other people, but also leaves a very great distance to other people, which makes it hard to get other people to get to know you and build up some trust as well.

Is it going to be like a popularity contest in the business world, too? Are there going to be cliques in the workplace?

I am not in "business world" yet, I am studying currently. But I sometimes think about the same question, and come to not very promising conclusions.
 

MrRandom88

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The idea that female INFPs have it *easy* is bunk. Society values Fe in women and also being organized, clean, neat, every hair in its place, a smile plastered on your face 24/7. Being happy and in the moment. Being a weird wildflower just isn't the thing.


Never said *easy*.

Easier.

Keep sitting there and lookig pretty you'll do fine.
 

heart

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An INFP can use their "confidant" persona to advantage in the workplace. People like to talk and be listened to. It can make you a lot of important contacts.

Never said *easy*.

Easier.

Keep sitting there and lookig pretty you'll do fine.

I am 41 years old and female. I think I know little more about being a female INFP than you do and no it is not enough to just sit in the corner and "look pretty." Fe is not easy for me and this (and lots of it) is what people, men and women expect from women.
 
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