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  1. #1
    Senior Member gigi_xo's Avatar
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    Default Anger/revenge/letting go...

    my exboyfriend was a psycho

    I am so lucky to be rid of him


    but I cant help feeling entirely furious seeing one of our mutual friends post a picture of him, my exboyfriend, and my ex's UGLY new girlfriend as his profile picture.


    I just can't LET GO.

    and I'm FURIOUS.
    and I want to get back at him.

    I want to tell him that he sucks at life & that she's UGLY

    am I just being insanely immature? I feel like I based my life around him, all my daydreams and future planning, and I gave him my heart and feel like I got nothing in return.

    maybe its the hopeless romantic NF in me thats angry for being proved wrong.

    she's so not cute. why cant I let this gooo???


    I sound like a lunatic. sorry.
    I live my life for the stars that shine & people say its just a waste of time- Oasis

    Extroverted (E) 65.63% Introverted (I) 34.38%
    Intuitive (N) 89.31% Sensing (S) 10.69%
    Feeling (F) 74.29% Thinking (T) 25.71%
    Perceiving (P) 74.19% Judging (J) 25.81%


    3w4

  2. #2
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    I guess what matters more than feelings is how we respond to those feelings and what we do with them.

    Of course you feel hurt and betrayed and angry and sad. I don't think it's immature to feel that way. Not at all. In fact, it is a pretty normal human response. Probably actually seeking revenge would be immature, though (although I hate labeling things like that), and you would probably immediately or eventually regret it...

    Better to just seek wholeness.

    Here are some suggestions for things that have helped me in similar situations:

    Give yourself the chance to mourn, to be angry, to yell or cry, but don't dwell on it. Give it the space to exist, but don't let it fester. Instead, invest the energy you feel into a new project, a new pursuit, learning a new skill... post-relationship times are some of my most creative times of my life. So see what you can do to harness that. Finally, do some sort of private closure ceremony to help you to let go (I have recently become a huge fan of ceremonies). It can involve whatever you want, but I love symbolism, like burying something to represent a part that has died, or water for impurities being washed away, or fire or whatever. It somehow helps to give these feelings, these transitions, a physical form.

    It's your life, and it will be beautiful.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Yes, you are being insanely immature. Not because it ticks you off (you have obviously not let him go in heart yet fully) but because you'd consider getting back at him like this is some sort of game and because you mentioned more than once that she is ugly as if : a) that's a bad thing b) it fucking mattered!

    What happened to being a deep ENFP?

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Yes, you are being insanely immature. Not because it ticks you off (you have obviously not let him go in heart yet fully) but because you'd consider getting back at him like this is some sort of game and because you mentioned more than once that she is ugly as if : a) that's a bad thing b) it fucking mattered!

    What happened to being a deep ENFP?
    Ouch!

    But what Sytpg says is true though. All that ugly and revenge talk ain't cool homey.. I hope that was just a spur of the moment anger thing. I've had my moments so I can't judge, but I do hope you get some closure though.

  5. #5
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    Just curious though.... If your ex-boyfriend was a psycho and your glad to be rid of him... then what exactly is the issue?

  6. #6
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Chill out, don't dwell on things, distract yourself with hobbies and friendships (new or old), recognize the awesome people around you, and work towards making yourself happy instead of trying to make him miserable.

    Revenge will only make things a million times worse, I promise.
    -end of thread-

  7. #7
    Senior Member gigi_xo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    I guess what matters more than feelings is how we respond to those feelings and what we do with them.

    Of course you feel hurt and betrayed and angry and sad. I don't think it's immature to feel that way. Not at all. In fact, it is a pretty normal human response. Probably actually seeking revenge would be immature, though (although I hate labeling things like that), and you would probably immediately or eventually regret it...

    Better to just seek wholeness.

    Here are some suggestions for things that have helped me in similar situations:

    Give yourself the chance to mourn, to be angry, to yell or cry, but don't dwell on it. Give it the space to exist, but don't let it fester. Instead, invest the energy you feel into a new project, a new pursuit, learning a new skill... post-relationship times are some of my most creative times of my life. So see what you can do to harness that. Finally, do some sort of private closure ceremony to help you to let go (I have recently become a huge fan of ceremonies). It can involve whatever you want, but I love symbolism, like burying something to represent a part that has died, or water for impurities being washed away, or fire or whatever. It somehow helps to give these feelings, these transitions, a physical form.

    It's your life, and it will be beautiful.

    thank you sooo much

    I think thats exactly what I needed to hear

    and I dont have time for revenge, I can only focus on me & my life.

    and I do need to give it time to exist. but I dont know how, I just cant let people in, and I hate being alone. I wish I knew what I needed

    but this helped
    I live my life for the stars that shine & people say its just a waste of time- Oasis

    Extroverted (E) 65.63% Introverted (I) 34.38%
    Intuitive (N) 89.31% Sensing (S) 10.69%
    Feeling (F) 74.29% Thinking (T) 25.71%
    Perceiving (P) 74.19% Judging (J) 25.81%


    3w4

  8. #8
    Senior Member gigi_xo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    Chill out, don't dwell on things, distract yourself with hobbies and friendships (new or old), recognize the awesome people around you, and work towards making yourself happy instead of trying to make him miserable.

    Revenge will only make things a million times worse, I promise.
    I'm sure it would
    there's nothing I could do anyway.
    nothing worth taking time out of my life for him
    I live my life for the stars that shine & people say its just a waste of time- Oasis

    Extroverted (E) 65.63% Introverted (I) 34.38%
    Intuitive (N) 89.31% Sensing (S) 10.69%
    Feeling (F) 74.29% Thinking (T) 25.71%
    Perceiving (P) 74.19% Judging (J) 25.81%


    3w4

  9. #9
    Senior Member gigi_xo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RedruM View Post
    Just curious though.... If your ex-boyfriend was a psycho and your glad to be rid of him... then what exactly is the issue?
    he was abusive for 3/4s of our 2 year relationship and I never pressed charges because I was too scared

    then he told me I deserved it, and that he'd never hurt anyone else, it was all because I was a bitch

    and now he gets to be happy. when he should be in jail. or alone. whatever.

    I have to live with this pain & he walks away.
    Last edited by Patches; 12-20-2013 at 02:05 AM.
    I live my life for the stars that shine & people say its just a waste of time- Oasis

    Extroverted (E) 65.63% Introverted (I) 34.38%
    Intuitive (N) 89.31% Sensing (S) 10.69%
    Feeling (F) 74.29% Thinking (T) 25.71%
    Perceiving (P) 74.19% Judging (J) 25.81%


    3w4

  10. #10
    Senior Member gigi_xo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Yes, you are being insanely immature. Not because it ticks you off (you have obviously not let him go in heart yet fully) but because you'd consider getting back at him like this is some sort of game and because you mentioned more than once that she is ugly as if : a) that's a bad thing b) it fucking mattered!

    What happened to being a deep ENFP?

    he always did bring out the worst in me

    you want depth, I could offer you emotional insight up the wazzoo

    and it was never a game, honestly our relationship was much more like a war. and I dont like loosing battles.

    but c'est la vie.
    I live my life for the stars that shine & people say its just a waste of time- Oasis

    Extroverted (E) 65.63% Introverted (I) 34.38%
    Intuitive (N) 89.31% Sensing (S) 10.69%
    Feeling (F) 74.29% Thinking (T) 25.71%
    Perceiving (P) 74.19% Judging (J) 25.81%


    3w4

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