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  1. #1
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    Default Not being so harsh

    Fellow NFs, Im a harsh bitch sometimes. Ok well, more like all of the time.

    I'm really dry, sarcastic, and blunt. I like myself and my humor but sometimes I can tell people get offended. Now normally I dont care but me and my best had a talk where we each gave one thing we thought the other should work on. He told he definitely thinks I should learn not to be so harsh because it can make people feel like I dont like them.

    I really do like almost everyone but I can see how my sarcasm and poking fun at people can sometimes be taken the wrong away.

    Do any other ENFPs have this problem? With sometimes being TOO honest? Any way to maybe tone it down a little bit to help make everyone feel accepted?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    I definitely have this "problem". You can tone it down if you want...but do you really want to tone it down, or would you prefer people close to you just accepted you for who you are?

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    Fellow NFs, Im a harsh bitch sometimes. Ok well, more like all of the time.

    I'm really dry, sarcastic, and blunt. I like myself and my humor but sometimes I can tell people get offended. Now normally I dont care but me and my best had a talk where we each gave one thing we thought the other should work on. He told he definitely thinks I should learn not to be so harsh because it can make people feel like I dont like them.

    I really do like almost everyone but I can see how my sarcasm and poking fun at people can sometimes be taken the wrong away.

    Do any other ENFPs have this problem? With sometimes being TOO honest? Any way to maybe tone it down a little bit to help make everyone feel accepted?
    Yes. I am a very harsh ENFP. It doesn't help that my eSFP ex was on a mission in life to make me tough and street smart.

    I have this weird ISTJ sense of justice which jumps out at lame times. I have that whole tertiary Te temptation/weakness.

    I think it happens because I see the value in it. People used to take advantage of me a lot when I was younger, and I have learned to stand up for myself - I don't take shit from anyone, and I can in some ways protect other people.

    The down side is that it comes out at inappropriate times because of my Fi and then it sucks. I'm working on trying to focus it to happen when it's actually appropriate.

    It's really a challenge for me though. It can be embarrassing at times.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Harsh

    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    Any way to maybe tone it down a little bit to help make everyone feel accepted?
    Hmm... have you tried zipping your lips? It might just work.

    That's my harsh two cents.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by perfectgirl View Post
    Hmm... have you tried zipping your lips? It might just work.
    Typical.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    I definitely have this "problem". You can tone it down if you want...but do you really want to tone it down, or would you prefer people close to you just accepted you for who you are?
    Well my friend stated it while repeating over and over he wants me to stay myself because he along with all the rest of my friends enjoy my sense of humor. Which is nice. His problem was when i was first meeting people or talking to people who dont know me that well.

    I do see where he is coming from. I dont see anything wrong with making sure I dont make people feel unwanted, especially if I WANT them to be around. Thats the main problem. There are people that I like however because of my harshness they get the wrong impression. Its good to know there are other ENFPs out there that can be a little harsh.

    Quote Originally Posted by perfectgirl View Post
    Hmm... have you tried zipping your lips? It might just work.

    That's my harsh two cents.
    Brilliant. Truly.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    Well my friend stated it while repeating over and over he wants me to stay myself because he along with all the rest of my friends enjoy my sense of humor. Which is nice. His problem was when i was first meeting people or talking to people who dont know me that well.

    I do see where he is coming from. I dont see anything wrong with making sure I dont make people feel unwanted, especially if I WANT them to be around. Thats the main problem. There are people that I like however because of my harshness they get the wrong impression. Its good to know there are other ENFPs out there that can be a little harsh.
    I understand what you mean perfectly. Just ask yourself how can it be that a person such as yourself managed to meet all those wonderful people whose friendship you value so much today. I'm sure not all of your friends are cold unfeeling bastards, so there must be something to you that still manages to appeal to those people.

    The way I see it, you can be or become whoever you want to become. But there is something to be said about not getting to meet certain people because of the way you are VS meeting all kinds people because of the way you are not.

    Call me a cynical, but my brashness has mostly enabled me to avoid meeting all kinds of "bad" people. If I know good people, it's safer to have a filtering mechanism than to end up having bitter disappointments and potential problems with people who are just not worth meeting. Even though I'm probably missing on some pretty cool people in the process. But I have no reason to believe that I would effortlessly get along with those pretty cool people I DON'T get to know because of how I am, after they got the idea I was NOT the blunt person that I am. It's about probability really. And quality over quantity.

  8. #8
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    Te, baby! haha this is probably more the Fe approach, I think. 1st: Am I going to offend others? 2nd: Does the risk of offense outweigh the need for bluntness? 3rd: If so, is there a more tactful way of saying it? 4th: Is it really that important to say? This is my thought process for potentially offensive things.

  9. #9
    Member MrRandom88's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    Fellow NFs, Im a harsh bitch sometimes. Ok well, more like all of the time.

    I'm really dry, sarcastic, and blunt. I like myself and my humor but sometimes I can tell people get offended. Now normally I dont care but me and my best had a talk where we each gave one thing we thought the other should work on. He told he definitely thinks I should learn not to be so harsh because it can make people feel like I dont like them.

    I really do like almost everyone but I can see how my sarcasm and poking fun at people can sometimes be taken the wrong away.

    Do any other ENFPs have this problem? With sometimes being TOO honest? Any way to maybe tone it down a little bit to help make everyone feel accepted?
    give everyone a verbal disclaimer saying "don't take anything I say personally". Then proceed to being yourself again. They'll love you for it.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    Brilliant. Truly.
    ...tu, tu very much.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pitseleh View Post
    Te, baby! haha this is probably more the Fe approach, I think. 1st: Am I going to offend others? 2nd: Does the risk of offense outweigh the need for bluntness? 3rd: If so, is there a more tactful way of saying it? 4th: Is it really that important to say? This is my thought process for potentially offensive things.
    ...hmmm, makes sense after doing some logical analysis, but it may be too complicated to execute "on the fly".

    Quote Originally Posted by MrRandom88 View Post
    give everyone a verbal disclaimer saying "don't take anything I say personally". Then proceed to being yourself again. They'll love you for it.
    It's so simple, i like it.

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