User Tag List

First 1234 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 33

  1. #11
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Enneagram
    9w8 so/sx
    Posts
    11,544

    Default

    Is it more a matter of ExxP speaking before you think or is it knowing it's harsh but saying it anyway?

  2. #12
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    ENXP
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Posts
    296

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MrRandom88 View Post
    give everyone a verbal disclaimer saying "don't take anything I say personally". Then proceed to being yourself again. They'll love you for it.
    Great idea. I like it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    I understand what you mean perfectly. Just ask yourself how can it be that a person such as yourself managed to meet all those wonderful people whose friendship you value so much today. I'm sure not all of your friends are cold unfeeling bastards, so there must be something to you that still manages to appeal to those people.

    The way I see it, you can be or become whoever you want to become. But there is something to be said about not getting to meet certain people because of the way you are VS meeting all kinds people because of the way you are not.

    Call me a cynical, but my brashness has mostly enabled me to avoid meeting all kinds of "bad" people. If I know good people, it's safer to have a filtering mechanism than to end up having bitter disappointments and potential problems with people who are just not worth meeting. Even though I'm probably missing on some pretty cool people in the process. But I have no reason to believe that I would effortlessly get along with those pretty cool people I DON'T get to know because of how I am, after they got the idea I was NOT the blunt person that I am. It's about probability really. And quality over quantity.
    True True you make a good point.

    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    Is it more a matter of ExxP speaking before you think or is it knowing it's harsh but saying it anyway?
    Both.

  3. #13
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    INFj None
    Posts
    9,827

    Default

    When I was a teenager and young adult, I used to get in trouble all the time for my harsh words. Eventually, I started evaluating my words from other people's perspective -- how would I feel if someone said that to me? -- and the light started to come on. I realized that just because I thought something or believed it was true didn't mean that it had to come out of my mouth.

    IMO, it's just a basic social skill to consider the impact of your words upon others and to adapt to your audience. If someone is so hurt by the way you use your words that they can't hear what you are saying, you just aren't communicating effectively, even if you are being very clear -- it's terribly inefficient.

    Sometimes it's just not about me, ya know?
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  4. #14
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Posts
    6,020

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    When I was a teenager and young adult, I used to get in trouble all the time for my harsh words. Eventually, I started evaluating my words from other people's perspective -- how would I feel if someone said that to me? -- and the light started to come on. I realized that just because I thought something or believed it was true didn't mean that it had to come out of my mouth.

    IMO, it's just a basic social skill to consider the impact of your words upon others and to adapt to your audience. If someone is so hurt by the way you use your words that they can't hear what you are saying, you just aren't communicating effectively, even if you are being very clear -- it's terribly inefficient.

    Sometimes it's just not about me, ya know?
    That reminds me of something actually...the point of saying things should be communication for the most part right?

    And I notice that for me harshness sometimes is a political move more so than wanting the person to truly understand my words...I don't always respect the intellect of the other person enough to believe they will end up agreeing with me if I talk with them about it...so I tend to condition them to hate me so as to achiever balance...


    Okay, that probably made no sense to anyone but myself, but I just had the thought

  5. #15
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    INFj None
    Posts
    9,827

    Default

    I'm probably missing the point entirely, but is it not possible that an intelligent person could legitimately disagree with you?
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  6. #16
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Posts
    6,020

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I'm probably missing the point entirely, but is it not possible that an intelligent person could legitimately disagree with you?
    Yes, of course Intelligent people also tend to not be as effected by my bluntness I've noticed and I tend to relax more in their presence. I think it's a matter of realizing the importance of all facts and not shying away from taboos or whatever when having a discussion. Having to stress out the importance of certain things when discussion something is what tends to trigger my bluntness. I'm not a fan of the drama queen deliver so I'm blunt.

    It's difficult to explain exactly what I mean, hence my disclaimer at the end of my other post.

  7. #17
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    4,226

    Default

    I can be exceptional blunt and harsh. Caustic is the best word. My sense of humor can be abrasive and quite crude. Even when i "think" it can come out as pointed and blunt.

    I wish I could say that this is okay with most people-but it isnt. It sounds very bitchy on the surface.

    Yesterday I had lunch with an ISTJ who has to advise young soldiers who apply for aid for help paying their bills.

    His comments: Inside his head he thinks, "boy what is wrong with your dumb ass? How could you have spent your rent money when you have kids to feed?" But outside he is very polite on the surface.

    For me-I would say "Why were you so stupid as to have spent all of your rent money when you have kids to feed?" But inside I would feel very concerned and agstful understanding the stress he was in and would feel compelled to help him.

    So I care deeply, even if i look like a total bitch on the surface with caustic comments.

  8. #18
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Posts
    6,020

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    I can be exceptional blunt and harsh. Caustic is the best word. My sense of humor can be abrasive and quite crude. Even when i "think" it can come out as pointed and blunt.

    I wish I could say that this is okay with most people-but it isnt. It sounds very bitchy on the surface.

    Yesterday I had lunch with an ISTJ who has to advise young soldiers who apply for aid for help paying their bills.

    His comments: Inside his head he thinks, "boy what is wrong with your dumb ass? How could you have spent your rent money when you have kids to feed?" But outside he is very polite on the surface.

    For me-I would say "Why were you so stupid as to have spent all of your rent money when you have kids to feed?" But inside I would feel very concerned and agstful understanding the stress he was in and would feel compelled to help him.

    So I care deeply, even if i look like a total bitch on the surface with caustic comments.
    Wow, that analogy is perfect!! That's exactly my case! Lol, it might sound simple but having other people acknowledge/relate to that makes me very happy

    Inside, I can have the sweetest thoughts in the world, but I usually voice the harsher side of things. That's why I test as an 8 I guess and why I can seem so rough.

    But that's exactly what I meant by political...it's political in that it isn't voicing my true inner thoughts on the matter...it looks like Te...but it's Fi in disguise.

    Wow, thanks so much for that post Orobas. I know I'm sounding very dramatic over it but it's something I can't ever explain to people without sounding like a liar or dishonest or hypocritical or cruel or whatever...

  9. #19
    Reptilian Snuggletron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    10
    Posts
    2,233

    Default

    maybe you just get off on getting a raise out of people. That's ok, but maybe you should consider what you say to others a bit more before saying it. When you do it too often on impulse people might interpret things you don't really mean. Just process what you say a bit more beforehand.

    (this is assuming you're a typical ENFP and leap before you look)

  10. #20
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    4,226

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Wow, that analogy is perfect!! That's exactly my case! Lol, it might sound simple but having other people acknowledge/relate to that makes me very happy

    Inside, I can have the sweetest thoughts in the world, but I usually voice the harsher side of things. That's why I test as an 8 I guess and why I can seem so rough.

    But that's exactly what I meant by political...it's political in that it isn't voicing my true inner thoughts on the matter...it looks like Te...but it's Fi in disguise.

    Wow, thanks so much for that post Orobas. I know I'm sounding very dramatic over it but it's something I can't ever explain to people without sounding like a liar or dishonest or hypocritical or cruel or whatever...
    My guess? We are hiding what we feel, how we we care. To openly care for others feels like showing my flank, exposing my weakness to others. Exposing my gentler Fi judgments on people, rather than the harsher Te proclamation? The Te is typically "tough love". But very real love.

    I dunno why.... If I openly tell you how much I care for you-that means something huge for me.

    I am trying to work on this though-being more openly emotive as I do feel all this stuff inside and I think it is better to be able to actually express it-but yeah it is so weird, so not natural to do so.

Similar Threads

  1. [so] Being so/sx
    By EJCC in forum Instinctual Subtypes
    Replies: 40
    Last Post: 10-16-2016, 10:10 AM
  2. DO NOT BE ALARMED: Change to the rep system
    By proteanmix in forum Official Decrees
    Replies: 188
    Last Post: 05-07-2008, 04:43 PM
  3. Entities should not be multiplied beyond necessity
    By ygolo in forum Philosophy and Spirituality
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 10-18-2007, 05:00 PM
  4. Why your diet may not be working like you want...
    By sdalek in forum Health and Fitness
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 07-03-2007, 08:01 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO