[NF] I need help with criticism...

[Cloudblue]

I need help with criticism because whenever someone does it to me bluntly sometimes, my eyes start burning and watering and I feel like crying...

 

[William K]

Well, this is a tough one. It depends on the situation. Do you mean getting criticism in a 1 to 1 situation or in front of a group of people?

In my line of work I need to present my projects and do demonstrations to the public a lot. So I tend to get a lot of feedback, sometimes good, sometimes not so good. What I've learned to do when I get negative feedback is to make it a learning experience. For example, if during a presentation I make a mistake and someone corrects me then it's a good thing. Can you imagine what would have happened if I said something wrong and everyone in the crowd just took that as the truth?

It's the same thing on this forum. I certainly don't know everything about Typology and MBTI, and I do get smacked down sometimes when trying to be a wise, helpful INFP Sometimes finding out things you are wrong about is as important as finding out things you are right about.

Of course, there will always be people who criticize just for the sake of it. They are certainly not worth getting all riled up over. If you are confident about what you are saying/doing, just shrug their words off. It's not like they can hurt you with it.

 

[Halla74]

I need help with criticism because whenever someone does it to me bluntly sometimes, my eyes start burning and watering and I feel like crying...

I guarantee you that next time that happens to you, if what the person said angers you, or is obviously said for no other purpose than to denigrate you, if you can just summon the courage to tell them to go fuck themselves, that you will feel a whole lot better...for the rest of your life.

I did that in fifth grade, and my life has been wonderful ever since. I am not kidding.

Good luck!



-Halla

 

[OrangeAppled]

This will be completely at odds with your entire thought process....are you ready? Here it is:

Don't take it personally.

Let me know if you ever actually get to that point & how you did it, because I am not there.

What William brought out above works pretty well for mitigating the emotional response. If it's valid, then take it to be helpful, not an attack. If it's invalid or presented in an unnecessarily harsh manner, getting defensive probably won't change the person's mind, so don't let it get under your skin. Realizing the underlying motivations of criticism helps.

Much easier said than done of course. I've found that staying quiet in response to criticism works okay too. That way I do not respond to it out of emotion in the moment. Once I calm down and consider it more rationally, then I can decide if it is valid or not.

There are times when making a defense of yourself is justified though. If someone is simply trying to push your buttons, then don't waste your breath - ignoring them will foil their plans better.

 

[Halla74]

This will be completely at odds with your entire thought process....are you ready? Here it is:

Don't take it personally.

Let me know if you ever actually get to that point & how you did it, because I am not there.

...someone is simply trying to push your buttons, then don't waste your breath - ignoring them will foil their plans better.

Can someone say million dollar post?

 

[cafe]

I don't think I'll ever be very good at this. I'm just thin skinned. I still cry and I still get angry and eventually I get over it -- mostly.

 

[Tallulah]

I need help with criticism because whenever someone does it to me bluntly sometimes, my eyes start burning and watering and I feel like crying...

It may be because you're linking your own worth to your performance. If you can learn to disassociate yourself from stuff you do, it will be easier to deal with criticism. As long as it's meant to make you perform better. You have to learn how to embrace the negatives because otherwise, you're living amongst yes-men, and you won't improve.

That said, if someone is criticizing you just to be mean, or to make themselves feel better, I find that a good trick is to call their attention to it. Make them own it, in a subtle way. Something like staring at them for a second or two with a semi-confused look and saying, "I'm just trying to imagine why you thought that was okay to say out loud." Make it a joke if you need to. Sometimes mean people gain power out of the fact that they're catching you off-guard and you don't want to start anything. Calling their attention to it means they have to think whether they want to embrace what they said, or they want to retract. If they keep pushing, draw a boundary. You now know for sure what their true motivation is, so why would you keep being polite?

 

[MrRandom88]

I need help with criticism because whenever someone does it to me bluntly sometimes, my eyes start burning and watering and I feel like crying...

terrible terrible post go back and completely redo it...haaaa jp

 

[William K]

That said, if someone is criticizing you just to be mean, or to make themselves feel better, I find that a good trick is to call their attention to it. Make them own it, in a subtle way. Something like staring at them for a second or two with a semi-confused look and saying, "I'm just trying to imagine why you thought that was okay to say out loud." Make it a joke if you need to. Sometimes mean people gain power out of the fact that they're catching you off-guard and you don't want to start anything. Calling their attention to it means they have to think whether they want to embrace what they said, or they want to retract. If they keep pushing, draw a boundary. You now know for sure what their true motivation is, so why would you keep being polite?

Good call. Sometimes people may just blurt out things they don't mean to. And then our intuitiveness will jump to conclusions and see things that aren't there. Getting further clarification could help.

 

[Virtual ghost]

This will be completely at odds with your entire thought process....are you ready? Here it is:

Don't take it personally.

Let me know if you ever actually get to that point & how you did it, because I am not there.

What William brought out above works pretty well for mitigating the emotional response. If it's valid, then take it to be helpful, not an attack. If it's invalid or presented in an unnecessarily harsh manner, getting defensive probably won't change the person's mind, so don't let it get under your skin. Realizing the underlying motivations of criticism helps.

Much easier said than done of course. I've found that staying quiet in response to criticism works okay too. That way I do not respond to it out of emotion in the moment. Once I calm down and consider it more rationally, then I can decide if it is valid or not.

There are times when making a defense of yourself is justified though. If someone is simply trying to push your buttons, then don't waste your breath - ignoring them will foil their plans better.

This is a good advice.


Especially because that harsh criticism may not be intended to be harsh criticism. So when you become defensive you are only intensifing misunderstanding in communication.

 

[Not_Me]

Don't based your self worth on other people's opinion of you. Understand that no two person agrees on everything.