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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by armstrongvk12 View Post
    I don't contact male friends on a regular basis either...unless I was interested. I feel it is cruel as well and ingenuine too. My INFJ male "friend" usually contacts me every day either through email and/or phone because he lives 2500 miles away from me.

    Not too long ago...I had a male ESTJ...keep contacting me and basically taking up all of my free time....but he only wanted to be friends!
    I think it might be a controlling SJ thingy?? I don't want any more men with "issues" wasting my time.

    Thanks so much for your help.
    You're welcome!

    I think it may be an IN thing in general to only make an effort for those who interest us. I've found that I had this in common with INT's I know as well.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shinzon View Post
    I'm a 24 year old male INFJ. I can only speak for myself but I'm usually very cautious and I like to be sure that my feelings are reciprocated before I move to the next level. If I find you attractive I'll probably be a little shy at first until I've gotten to know you well enough for me to pick up enough commonalities for conversation to come naturally.

    If we've gotten to this (friendship) stage and I'm still interested in you you'll notice that you have my attention. At a social gathering like a party or a bar (on the rare occasion you can get me to set foot in one) I'll probably stick close to you, but I will probably be a lot more reserved as I kind of get overwhelmed in loud places or around a lot of people.

    At some point when I'm sure about things I'll probably just come right out and make a move or say something. Basically, if I seem interested in you and you're interested back, don't play hard to get, don't send mixed signals, be very open and direct with me and it will speed the whole process up. There have been people for whom the whole process happened in a few nights, a few took weeks.

    If I'm just being kind I'll probably seem a lot more awkward around you or a lot less interested in conversation. I don't know, it seems to me like it would be obvious to other people when I don't want to be around them, but then a lot of people don't really pick up on it.
    Thanks for the male perspective. What you described about yourself basically describes my male INFJ friend...albeit....he is older than you are...and has been married previously...so...I think he is a bit cautious.

  3. #33
    Senior Member Alchemist's Avatar
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    I've hit the radical side when it comes to socialising 'cos I was tired as being perceived as arrogant. It's a great thing to learn, but because of this, you'd never think I'd be an INFJ if you're just meeting me for the first time in real life. I talk to groups, individuals, dance in night clubs, and read poetry until I wake up with a book on my face.

    There was a point in my life where I'd spend two hours calling up new people every day and setting up events and meet-ups, but that's kinda toned down now. It was a conscious decision to get the social muscle exercised, and now that skillset is with me for life.

    However, if you look at my room, you'll see lots of books, sheet music, vinyls, and instruments. I've got books on poetry, writing skills, philosophy, massage, sex, cooking, foreign languages, and gods knows what else. I love my books. My vinyls are just as varied, and I love them too.

    I tend to hang out everywhere since my comfort zone has been blown up. Huge nightclubs (I'm a dancer and a DJ after all), quiet book shops, cafes (although I only allow myself to drink water), libraries, dance studios, music studios, temples, the mall, electronic stores... actually, this probably doesn't help you. (<_<);;

    You'll have to earn the trust to look into our goals and perspectives. I don't voice those openly, and there's a whole other world that only people like myself are aware of. I think I've learned to hide it so well, that you don't even know I'm hiding it. It's like looking into a black hole. On the internet I may write openly about my beliefs, values, and goals, but not even my best friend knows my goals for life (unless he's read my blog, though I doubt it--he doesn't surf blogs or the web very often).

    Since we love to learn, we're probably really mutable, but that's just my understanding. The thing about connecting dots as a test is probably something you could do, but other than that... we're probably something noticed over time.

    -A[lchemist]
    "Je ne craignais pas de mourir
    Mais de mourir sans etre illumine."


    "I was not afraid to die,
    But to die without being enlightened."

    -Comte de Saint-Germain, La Tres Sainte-Trinisophie

  4. #34
    lurking.... Wyst's Avatar
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    Old thread and I'm sure I'm rehashing hashed hash but...

    I'm all over the INFJ scale. Some days I'll be really outgoing with people and other days, meh... not so much. Some days people are like 'Geez, what's with him today? I've never heard him talk so much'.

    I guess it's surprising to them because, yeah, for the most part I don't ask for information on others and I don't volunteer information about me unless I've reached a certain level of trust with them.
    Some people, I'm convinced, I'll never reach that level with. We just don't click - no matter how long I've known him/her. Other people, right off the bat it's like we strike a chord and I'll be able to open up to them. Rare meetings to be sure.

    I wouldn't be surprised if most people think of me as arrogant or aloof. I never go out with people after work and I hate intrusions upon my routines that I've set up and am comfortable with. I have a handful of very close friends and not many acquaintances.

    I try not to go to parties unless I get dragged there. I'd much rather take a book and my ipod to a coffee shop and sip the night away. I enjoy being surrounded by people in such a setting, but it's a given I won't have to chit-chat with them or anything like that, so I'm safe there.

    When I do get dragged to a party, I'll stick close to the friend that dragged me there. If they disappear on me I'll move myself to where there is the least action happening. OR I'll head to the kitchen and see what there is to be done - for some reason if my hands are busy doing stuff I can small talk without much effort. Also helping out facilitates bonding on some sort of level.

    With close friends and family I'm a totally different person. So different I surprise myself as well as others when they see me like that. I wonder if I'll ever actually be able to open up to someone, fall in love, and get married someday. In past relationships I've always held the girl at a distance

    Besides those rare friends and my family members I don't believe anyone else really knows the real me. Major character flaw?? Just a victim of being an INFJ??

  5. #35
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    I can be both quiet and extremely talkative, I instinctively feel if a person is an N or an S, if its an N I will talk just like a regular extrovert, even more so if the entire group is N, but if in a given group of 6 people for instance, there are 2 S's I actually feel guilty for initiating N topics, because I know that the 2 S's get bored and it is probable that they want to leave if the conversation keeps this trend.

    I always have a plan, I know what I am going to do tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, if I am thinking about my gf I will come up with ideas of how we should spend a day together, I make up witty compliments, I think a HUGE amount of time in advance, like how I should make my wedding proposal (not to my current gf, just a general concept), what job I want for the rest of my life (I thought of this at age 12 or 13) and things like that.

    I may talk much with the proper people, but its usually theoretical talk, I won't divulge any personal information about myself, nor will they.
    If I put my Feeler hat on, I think I can extract a large amount of information from everyone, without actually asking them to tell me.


    Also, as a sidenote, I have come to the conclusion that the best possible way to recognise an INFJ is to meet him several times at the same spot, the reason behind this is that Ni dominants dont get bored going to the exact same spot a large numbers of times, Ne types on the other hand get bored either by staying just a few hours, or 1-2 times, at the same spot.
    And during those meetings one can asses the other functions, I/E and F/T as well

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Penguin View Post
    the best possible way to recognise an INFJ is to meet him several times at the same spot
    Well you'd have little trouble with me on this....I eat at the same restaurant, drive the same roads, and ride the same commuter train every day!!! It does not bore me though...go figure. In fact, I am never bored even though my routines may indicate otherwise. I enjoy life and people (in moderation) but inside me it's pretty much always a fun, interesting time.

    In a nutshell (yes, it is complicated to explain), I am a very spiritual person who by total quirk of fate stumbled into a dizzying array of inputs....historical, theological, real world situations...for years and years (I'm 53). It has been absolutely wonderful and wonder-inspiring....but it is more than I can easily explain or process. I do...it's just not easy.

    I wound up single 18 years ago and in typical INFJ fashion spent the years raising and caring for my four kids who I love to death and admire very much. They are all in their twenties now. It has been (and still is) a very rich experience raising those goof-balls, one I treasure deeply. Myself included, it has been like living five lives at one time.

    So, after all that, I'm pretty chill in general. I have a good job and some fun hobbies which I desperately need to keep out of triangulating things in my head all the time. I do have some great sadnesses in my life but I try to keep that in perspective and let the ups and downs pass like the weather...I don't freak out too much over it.

  7. #37
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
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    Most people think I am a snob before they talk to me for the first time. I am not one to initiate conversations, because I just don't feel comfortable doing that. I do have a strong sense of connecting with other people, I just don't wear it only my sleeve like an a ENFJ would (I'm assuming).

    The one thing people ALWAYS say about me is that I am "so organized"! It's true. I can be very organized when it comes to obligations and work. I just dread the moment these people have to see my room (rarely tidy)!

    I am always described as very relaxed, and I am often told by people I barely know that I seem like the kind of person that doesn't judge others. It makes me very approachable apparently, because people always seem to feel relief after having a discussion with me about their problems. I like to help others get their mental state back on track when they are anxious or just totally lost. I am not good at providing in more sensible ways (like an ISFJ probably would), but I am great at helping people see things through a new lens. I believe that with enough self-control and self-awareness, anybody can accomplish anything. I like to push people to be the best they can be.

    I have strong convictions in my life, but I like to think that I have thought them through thoroughly before I commit to them in such a rash nature. With my introverted intuition and extraverted feeling I am able to recognize how relative and subjective things can be in this world, so for me to commit to a belief or cause means that I am truly attached to it in a very personal way.

    I am idealistic to a point where sometimes my expectations are too high. Sometimes I can be very disappointed in myself for not working harder or applying myself more. I feel like there is always room for improvement in myself. I think that I share some connection with my INTJ cousins in that I think thee is always room for improvement in systems, and a lot of people don't like that about me.

    I am often told that I seem to hold back a lot. It is true. Those deep convictions I mentioned earlier are so vital and personal to me that I tend to keep them to myself. To attack my beliefs is like attacking my very being in some ways. I seem to always have a barrier up. I am very sensitive in some areas, so I don't feel comfortable exposing too much of myself to strangers. Some people are surprised when they actually get a sneak peak into my internal world. I do keep a lot of things to myself. I particularly like the saying "If you don't know what an extravert thinks, you haven't been listening. If you don't know what an introvert thinks, you haven't asked". Just because I believe in something doesn't mean I expect everyone else to adhere to it, but a lot of people don't understand that.

    I understand that I am weird and not your typical person. I feel like I am constantly working towards becoming self-actualized, and I hope that I do become that some day.

    Career wise, I plan on going to graduate school for Experimental Social/Personality Psychology after I get my bachelors. I am a strong J, so I feel like if I am going to get a degree in something I might as well get the highest degree I can! I am very much a Feeler, but I have always had a knack for Math/Statistics and creative, logical ideas. Most people don't even realize I am of the Feeling type until they come to know me much better. I feel like going into research will put my Ti to work for my later age and allow me to make myself a more well-rounded person. Research is very interesting to me, and I love the idea of contributing to the field of Psychology. There is nothing more fulfilling than knowing I could contribute to mankind in a variety of helpful ways. Plus, I would also be able to teach at a university on the side while I do research, since that is normally how it works. I can't think of a job that is more fun than being a teacher. Enhancing minds for the future generations seems like it would be very rewarding.

    I don't know how representative I am of INFJs, but I hope I was able to capture myself in a nutshell for you.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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  8. #38
    Junior Member Andy Quellenlicht's Avatar
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    Default Ni first can't be traced back from behavior or preferences

    hi,
    when reading many of the posts, I thought: this is interesting stuff about a person's individual life, but it has little to do with Ni first.

    Ni first is a structure, which can linked to almost every content imaginable.

    so, how would I describe myself in terms of Ni first. of course I will have to give you content (not structure, because structure is by definition not personal), but please take this content as a metaphor.

    deep inside me, everything is deconstructed. i liberate myself from everything by looking at the premises or the ground of a statement or a feeling. then I free myself from it by declaring it a possible viewpoint. so far, what I said could be a quote from lenore thompson's book.

    so I wonder: why do I "relativize" everything, and why do I do this without even thinking? (intuition). what do I look for? what is the direction of my longing? what is this unconscious perception (Ni)? a feeling... yep, but the feeling is just a metaphor for this unconscious perception, is not the thing itself. is it any perceived content? no, the conscious content would be a mere metaphor of the "object" of Ni...

    I think it's by digging this kind of questions that what is common with Ni first may emerge... in very small pieces... and far away from any material object or specific feeling. and everything what is said, is always a sole metaphor... so it might be wise to intuite "behind" the metaphors and try not to take the others to litteraly...

    a bit more on a personal level: I don't know what I'm looking for, but the "horizon" keeps me going; nothing is stable, there is no ground to put my feet on - as soon as my foot touches the soil, it's not the soil "perceived" before I made my step...

    in what ways do these kinds of metaphors speak to you?
    how would you paraphrase Ni first in your lifes?
    INFJ; e3w4, sp

  9. #39
    Junior Member Andy Quellenlicht's Avatar
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    Default Mysteriously Ni - Ni first can't be traced back from behavior or preferences

    hi,
    when reading many of the posts, I thought: this is interesting stuff about a person's individual life, but it has little to do with Ni first.

    Ni first is a structure, which can be linked to almost every content imaginable.

    so, how would I describe myself in terms of Ni first. of course I will have to give you content (not structure, because structure is by definition not personal), but please take this content as a metaphor.

    deep inside me, everything is deconstructed. i liberate myself from everything by looking at the premises or the ground of a statement or a feeling. then I free myself from it by declaring it a possible viewpoint. so far, what I said could be a quote from lenore thompson's book.

    so I wonder: why do I "relativize" everything, and why do I do this without even thinking? (intuition). what do I look for? what is the direction of my longing? what is this unconscious perception (Ni)? a feeling... yep, but the feeling is just a metaphor for this unconscious perception, is not the thing itself. is it any perceived content? no, the conscious content would be a mere metaphor of the "object" of Ni...

    I think it's by digging this kind of questions that what is common with Ni first may emerge... in very small pieces... and far away from any material object or specific feeling. and everything what is said, is always a sole metaphor... so it might be wise to intuite "behind" the metaphors and try not to take the others to litteraly...

    a bit more on a personal level: I don't know what I'm looking for, but the "horizon" keeps me going; nothing is stable, there is no ground to put my feet on - as soon as my foot touches the soil, it's not the soil "perceived" before I made my step...

    in what ways do these kinds of metaphors speak to you?
    how would you paraphrase Ni first in your lifes?
    INFJ; e3w4, sp

  10. #40
    nevermore lane777's Avatar
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    I won't try to sum me up entirely, seeing as I wouldn't know where to begin and when to end - so I'll focus on those qualities that would be most evident to acquaintances.

    If I'm alone, I'll have earbuds in.

    I wear lots of black, aubergine, navy, gray and sometimes white... I don't have any other colors in my closet other than a teak leather jacket. I'm always coordinated.

    When I'm running errands, I'm usually cruising. I don't waste time floating around and because of this I probably do not look very approachable. When I'm out for leisure reasons, I still look deliberate in my movements, just less focused. Someone here mentioned they look "removed," I can't agree more.

    When conversing, I usually speak in fragments, unless I know a lot about the topic. Even then, I'm reluctant to say much, unless I feel you will receive it well. I'm also quite vague in general. I speak slowly and deliberately; very thoughtful about what I'm saying. At this point, I must be coming across as rather cold, but I'm actually very warm and smiley; I'm a humanist and I've been told it shows

    A good indicator that you're talking to an INFJ is if you find yourself doing all the talking AND your listener is receiving it all with intense interest. If I happen to interrupt you, it will have been a mistake and I will tell you to continue on or I will bring it up later and ask you to finish making your point.

    As for body language, I'm a statue. However, I rely heavily on expressing myself through tone and facial expressions (albeit in a very subtle fashion). Often times I will respond with only an expression.

    Hopefully that all wasn't too redundant, I didn't read all of the other posts.
    To die would be an awfully big adventure - Peter Pan

    INFJ ~ 4w5 sp/sx ~ RLOAI ~ Inclusion e/w=1/0 (Melancholy Compulsive) Control: e/w=0/6 (Supine) Affection: e/w=4/0 (Phlegmatic Melancholy)

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