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  1. #11
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Shoot, cafe, I might have to throw a little wrench in your INFJ/ISFJ comparison!!

    I was actually going to say one of the things my INFJ friends and I have in common is that we are externally well put-together, and I'd say there's an element of poise and control in how we present ourselves. My ISFJ coworker is equally put-together, but I'd agree the difference is she's more 'proper', whereas my friends and I are more...poised? I think there's a difference. But otherwise, the ISFJ makes pretty good eye contact and is rather direct and you can tell she's 100% 'there' when she's speaking to you, whereas my friends and I are more apt to not make as good eye contact, and be more 'in our head' as we're talking, and maybe not quite as solidly there, or direct?

    This ISFJ told me I come across this way - i.e. poised and controlled, and that I present only part of myself to others, and others probably have no idea half of what I'm about - so I think she views me differently in this way than she views herself. And getting beyond behaviors and just visible stuff, it's in actual interactions and WHAT we talk about, that the differences really start becoming apparent. She is envious of my Ni; she thinks it's a huge strength of mine that I can 'connect the dots' (as she puts it) and come to a conclusion from a myriad of details that she'd never even put together. Whereas she is much more detail-oriented, and more meticulous with more of a tendency to get bogged down with pieces of the whole picture.

    I would actually describe her as more warm than me, and I agree w/ you on focusing more on physical needs in terms of nurturing, and being more in touch with schedules, and assisting in more *tangible* ways, whereas I assist in much more intangible, 'help you to help yourself' ways. Perhaps I am more thought-driven in my ways of helping, and she is more action driven?? Maybe?? I'm not sure.

    I also wanted to add a thought to my initial post; just that I think with INFJ's, you would be hard-pressed to be able to 'type' one at any one instantaneous moment. It's more something you'd learn over time..patterns emerge over time, or different sides emerge over time. A simple snapshot based on one interaction, or one social engagement, could yield very little, and you could easily just see one part. It's only over time that I can see all of the similarities between my friends and I. And then over the longterm a really big pattern emerges, and that would be the Ni Fe, and basically, we *approach* life and process events pretty much the same. Well, that's what I think.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  2. #12
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    That's not throwing a wrench, it's just a different perspective and different groups of people at what I assume are at different places in their lives.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  3. #13
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Well, I'm probably not normal either. You won't see me out and about much, I pretty much keep to myself and only go out when I'm going buy something, mail something, or attend school. In school, I usually don't initiate conversations, and spend most of my time studying and listening to the lessons.

    If someone talks to me, I'll probably be friendly but guarded, starting off talking about the assignments, and then maybe asking what their interests are and trying to discuss those. A lot of times, if someone actually approaches me and talks, they become a friend rather quickly... the main thing is that I don't want to approach people, because I'm not sure how they'll take me, and I'm very selective about how people can perceive me, and still be comfortable with that. Also, I'm not interested in going places that have a lot of people, movement, or loudness, so that probably alienates a lot of people. The other thing is that I absolutely insist on being notified an hour or so before someone comes by, so that I can have everything in order and be dressed/clean enough to feel presentable. It probably doesn't help that I usually won't call someone on the phone unless they give me a specific time range that it's okay and they won't be busy, because otherwise I feel like I'm intruding/disturbing them. Even so, I'm willing to talk to people anytime they call.

    If you see me outside somewhere, I'm probably going somewhere, on my way back from somewhere, or waiting for something specific. I'm not likely to stop and talk if I'm on my way somewhere, although I may wave, make eye contact, smile, and say "Hello" without stopping. I will talk at length if I'm just waiting around, however, presuming the other person strikes up a conversation. If I'm lost or confused, I may ask the nearest person who looks friendly enough what time it is, how to find where I'm going, or even ask where the nearest pay phone is (perhaps asking them to make change if I don't have any), usually resulting in them permitting me to use a Star Trek communicator-esque thing they're carrying on their person (I think it's called a cellular telephone, if I'm not mistaken.)

    At home, I'm usually sitting in front of my computer typing on message boards, chatting/IMing, e-mailing someone, reading web pages, or else watching television, reading a book, listening to music, or just lying around thinking about what I want to do. Occasionally I play video games as well.

    There are probably NT's that have more friends than I do, and that makes me pretty pathetic. Except in my case it's not that I don't like/want people, it's that I don't have anything in common with most of them.

  4. #14
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    FWIW, I was very shy and reserved up to my late twenties. Up to that point, most people that didn't know me well seemed to get the impression that I was stuck up. I got tired of being misjudged by people who didn't even know me and decided to be more talkative so that they could at least make an informed decision about me. IOW, I started babbling my fool head off to total and near strangers.

    I felt like a total idiot at first, but contrary to conventional wisdom, it worked. I can make small talk with nearly anyone now with relative ease. I don't always and some people still get inaccurate impressions of me, but not terribly so for being a very odd duck personality-wise.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  5. #15
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    I tend to enjoy the company of ISFJs.

    One difference is that my ISFJ friends will usually not have any trouble being firm about something as long as that something is supported by some authority or is "how it's done". I, on the other hand, have no trouble being firm about what I believe in... while I may have trouble being firm about something just because it's the law or how things are expected to be.

    (have to go now... can't finish)

  6. #16
    Senior Member helen's Avatar
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    Favorite haunts of this INFJ: libraries, quaint bookstores, cool coffee shops, quilt shows, museums, old churches, old cemeteries (no, I'm not a goth) friends' houses, and my room. My room is pretty much my favorite place in the world. It's really big, and all of my books are there, and my reading chair and writing desk and sewing table and stuff. I've put a lot of work into decorating it carefully to reflect my personality and filling it with the things that are most sentimentally valuable and aesthetically pleasing to me. I feel more myself there than anywhere else, and I feel a moderately intense homesickness and desire to return thither whenever I'm away for a few days.

    Favorite ways to spend time: reading, cooking, quilting, daydreaming, writing poetry, studying languages, sipping tea or coffee while having a long talk with a good friend, shopping with my ISFP cousin (almost the only person in the world I actually enjoy shopping with) attending church services/activities.

    In new social situations, I may come across as kind of boring and reserved, but I think of myself as a friendly person, and I believe most people who know me would well would say that I am. I love people and conversation, but I'm much better at one on one interactions, and in group settings I tend to be more silent, unless I'm particularly interested in the topic at hand. A lot of times at a party or something when I'm part of a group of people talking, I'll observe quietly and notice that one person in particular seems pretty interesting. I will then make an effort to converse specifically with them later on in the evening/day. I also tend to gravitate to loners and those who seem shy, and am pretty good at drawing them out and putting them at ease (or so I've been told).

    Um, I guess that is a fairly comprehensive description. Or at least, I'm bored of talking about myself now. Then end.

  7. #17
    Senior Member helen's Avatar
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    Oh, and the main differences between me and my ISFJ mom: I'm, more introspective, more inclined to be "out of it," more interested in philosophy, more absract. She's more in touch with physical reality, can shift focus more easily than I can, is probably less self centered, and would not be caught dead spending all this time talking about her personality on a web forum. Other than that, we are actually quite similar. lol.

  8. #18
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by helen View Post
    I've put a lot of work into decorating it carefully to reflect my personality and filling it with the things that are most sentimentally valuable and aesthetically pleasing to me.

    Favorite ways to spend time: reading... sipping tea or coffee while having a long talk with a good friend...

    In new social situations, I may come across as kind of boring and reserved, but I think of myself as a friendly person, and I believe most people who know me would well would say that I am. I love people and conversation, but I'm much better at one on one interactions, and in group settings I tend to be more silent, unless I'm particularly interested in the topic at hand. A lot of times at a party or something when I'm part of a group of people talking, I'll observe quietly and notice that one person in particular seems pretty interesting. I will then make an effort to converse specifically with them later on in the evening/day.
    The above applies to me too! [although I'm very rarely in a party setting these days, so it doesn't apply to my life at the moment!! - but, that's how I would be. And, I often think I come across as a very boring person at first meeting, but then I also don't have the goal to woo or impress people, so I don't go out of my way to 'sell' myself. There's that. Basically I don't like talking about myself in real life...contrary to how I come across on this forum!!! I much more often question the other person and try to find out about them.]
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

    My Photography and Watercolor Fine Art Prints!!! Cascade Colors Fine Art Prints
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  9. #19
    Senior Member vince's Avatar
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    I recognize myself a lot in the descriptions here.
    In public places and conversations I come across as aloof or even cold, but I'm actually quite the opposite. Apparently I'm also very very hard to tell. I tend to be very reserved most of the time, but because of a particular subject or person I can suddenly become very outspoken, extravert & intense. I can start ranting with no limit, I also share a lot of uncommon or even unpopular opinions on subjects. What makes me intense to deal with is that sometimes I have no personal boundaries. I can be very blunt in expressing personal things, maybe my shadow. I can also trigger emotional sentiments in others rather easily. I can be very positive, as well as cynical.My voice is usually monotone. When I rant about something it can be negative but also highly uplifting & inspirational for others. People either like me a lot or they're uncomfortable with me.

  10. #20
    Wild Card Atomic Fiend's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by athenian200 View Post
    There are probably NT's that have more friends than I do,
    There's no probably in my case. I know NT's that have more friends then I do. In fact I only have two close friends I made myself, and I thought they were both annoying to no end when I first met them.

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