So far, so good on the eating. It's been about 10 months or so since I admitted I have a problem (again.) The first time I got help for anorexia was in high school. I worked with a nutritionist only. She told me what weight I needed to be so she wouldn't hospitalize me. I never dealt with the emotions, just put on some weight. This time it's different! I'm almost at a healthy weight now! My nutritionist said I need 5lbs to go.
I made myself some carob and agave brownies last night (no sugar, just the agave!) and I'm not going to starve myself or try to exercise it off today! (I can always tell when I feel like starving or overexercising because I start obsessing about it and I already can't wait to have my smoothie for breakfast...my recipe)
I actually love eating now that I'm mostly vegan! I enjoy making my own recipes...it's a great creative outlet and I kinda think I'm a good cook
I think the part of my recovery that is still vulnerable is the idea of having a woman's body and the idea of letting go of control...and being a victim. My nutritionist said these are the last to go. I am actually beginning to love being a woman! I think it's a beautiful thing! But there are moments where I lapse back into the past and wish my body were bony, etc. I talk to my inner child, remind myself "It's not me it's the OCD", journal, etc. It's definitely getting easier to fight the negativity!
Can you relate to any of this?