First, I should say that I don't post this to criticize INFP's and ENFP's. I'm just wanting to understand.
I watched a show on TV tonight where couples who were in love many years ago reunite to try to rekindle the connection that was once there. In this instance, the man left the woman many years ago because he said that for the first time in his life he wanted "him" and "her" to be "we". So, he told her that he loved her. She responded with something like, "Thank you for saying that, but I can't say the same thing."
Fast forward today (probably 20 years later), they meet again. He says to her, "You obviously didn't love me because you couldn't reciprocate the words that I expressed to you. So I had to end it right there."
She says, "That's why you left me? Couldn't you tell from my actions that I loved you? You're the one who broke my heart by leaving." All these years, they each thought that they were the one who had their heart broken.
This runs parallel to my experiences with Fi users. Here is what is so frustrating. To that lady I would say, "No! He did not know just by your actions that you loved him. If the man you love expresses that to you, why can't you just say it back to him and show some vulnerability? Why does he have to go to the trouble of rationalizing in his mind, 'Well, she says she can't say the same thing, but I don't believe her. Based on her actions I think she really does love me, so I'll stay with her.'?
If she can't say it, why should he believe it? To Fi users, why shouldn't he have left her 20 years ago?