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Thread: Fi users

  1. #1
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Default Fi users

    First, I should say that I don't post this to criticize INFP's and ENFP's. I'm just wanting to understand.

    I watched a show on TV tonight where couples who were in love many years ago reunite to try to rekindle the connection that was once there. In this instance, the man left the woman many years ago because he said that for the first time in his life he wanted "him" and "her" to be "we". So, he told her that he loved her. She responded with something like, "Thank you for saying that, but I can't say the same thing."

    Fast forward today (probably 20 years later), they meet again. He says to her, "You obviously didn't love me because you couldn't reciprocate the words that I expressed to you. So I had to end it right there."

    She says, "That's why you left me? Couldn't you tell from my actions that I loved you? You're the one who broke my heart by leaving." All these years, they each thought that they were the one who had their heart broken.

    This runs parallel to my experiences with Fi users. Here is what is so frustrating. To that lady I would say, "No! He did not know just by your actions that you loved him. If the man you love expresses that to you, why can't you just say it back to him and show some vulnerability? Why does he have to go to the trouble of rationalizing in his mind, 'Well, she says she can't say the same thing, but I don't believe her. Based on her actions I think she really does love me, so I'll stay with her.'?

    If she can't say it, why should he believe it? To Fi users, why shouldn't he have left her 20 years ago?
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  2. #2
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Maybe she wasn't grown up enough to know what love was but later look back and realized that she did love him. I'm not answering an Fi question, just a relationship question.

    Does ISFP lead with Fi? Why would it be more ENFP than ISFP? Or why not ESFP?

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    This runs parallel to my experiences with Fi users. Here is what is so frustrating. To that lady I would say, "No! He did not know just by your actions that you loved him. If the man you love expresses that to you, why can't you just say it back to him and show some vulnerability? Why does he have to go to the trouble of rationalizing in his mind, 'Well, she says she can't say the same thing, but I don't believe her. Based on her actions I think she really does love me, so I'll stay with her.'?

    If she can't say it, why should he believe it? To Fi users, why shouldn't he have left her 20 years ago?
    I don't agree with the woman and I don't agree that's an accurate portrayal of Fe verses Fi. She sounds like she didn't know what she wanted back then and now wants to re-write history.

  4. #4
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    why is this a fi issue?

    i think they're both in the wrong for not communicating effectively. they both ended it based on assumptions and it doesn't seem like either put forth any effort to gain understanding.

    now...if i were him. i would've heard it the same way but i would've talked with her more about it.

    and if i were her and for some reason had some issue with saying the words i would've told him about it and assured him that i felt the same.

    i don't believe her. i think she realized after he left how she felt and it was too late.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

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    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aurel View Post
    Maybe she wasn't grown up enough to know what love was but later look back and realized that she did love him. I'm not answering an Fi question, just a relationship question.

    Does ISFP lead with Fi? Why would it be more ENFP than ISFP? Or why not ESFP?
    I addressed ENFP's and INFP's because this is the NF forum, with types that I have primarily dated in the past.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  6. #6
    Member Nomorenames's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    First, I should say that I don't post this to criticize INFP's and ENFP's. I'm just wanting to understand.

    I watched a show on TV tonight where couples who were in love many years ago reunite to try to rekindle the connection that was once there. In this instance, the man left the woman many years ago because he said that for the first time in his life he wanted "him" and "her" to be "we". So, he told her that he loved her. She responded with something like, "Thank you for saying that, but I can't say the same thing."

    Fast forward today (probably 20 years later), they meet again. He says to her, "You obviously didn't love me because you couldn't reciprocate the words that I expressed to you. So I had to end it right there."

    She says, "That's why you left me? Couldn't you tell from my actions that I loved you? You're the one who broke my heart by leaving." All these years, they each thought that they were the one who had their heart broken.

    This runs parallel to my experiences with Fi users. Here is what is so frustrating. To that lady I would say, "No! He did not know just by your actions that you loved him. If the man you love expresses that to you, why can't you just say it back to him and show some vulnerability? Why does he have to go to the trouble of rationalizing in his mind, 'Well, she says she can't say the same thing, but I don't believe her. Based on her actions I think she really does love me, so I'll stay with her.'?

    If she can't say it, why should he believe it? To Fi users, why shouldn't he have left her 20 years ago?
    Time does funny things to memory. I think it's possible both felt they were the victims and justified their feelings without, possibly, truly taking the other into account. I can believe they both felt they had their heartbroken, but that's a result of the choices both of them made.

    As for the question about Fi:

    This runs parallel to my experiences with Fi users. Here is what is so frustrating....If the man you love expresses that to you, why can't you just say it back to him and show some vulnerability?
    Simply put- it would have been inauthentic to state that. It wasn't a matter of opening up and being vulnerable. If this is about Fi, it's about authenticity, it's about congruence.

    Perhaps she couldn't reciprocate because she didn't know her genuine feelings at the time (it takes a while to process the "L" word for many people). Perhaps her conception of love differed from his. Perhaps she didn't want the same thing as the guy.

    Saying "But I really did love you" all those years later seems like a rationalization meant to keep the consistency of her memory distorted by time and feelings.

    Also:
    Why does he have to go to the trouble of rationalizing in his mind, 'Well, she says she can't say the same thing, but I don't believe her. Based on her actions I think she really does love me, so I'll stay with her.'?
    He doesn't. Stating that you can't reciprocate isn't necessarily a request to perform some mental gymnastics in order to keep the cognitive dissonance in check.

    EDIT: well, looks like I shouldn't have bothered since I'm repeating what's been said. Ha!
    Last edited by Nomorenames; 04-14-2010 at 09:45 PM. Reason: *shakes fist at eloquent posters, beating me to the punch*

  7. #7
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    why is this a fi issue?
    Well, maybe I'm wrong and it's not an Fi issue at all. But, my experiences with Fi users is that these types of conversations are difficult for them. They've even told me that it was extremely difficult for them to say things like that.

    When I watched the show, it was like watching my own conversations with INFP/ENFP's all over again.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  8. #8
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nomorenames View Post
    Also:

    He doesn't. Stating that you can't reciprocate isn't necessarily a request to perform some mental gymnastics in order to keep the cognitive dissonance in check.
    I know he doesn't have to do mental gymnastics. But, that's the whole reason she's been left without him for the last 20 years and been sad because of it.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  9. #9
    Senior Member professor goodstain's Avatar
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    i'll bet at the time they both weren't ready for commitment and mutually used whatever they could to get out. then, years later, they are fenageling ways to get it heated up again or somethin.
    how in the hell do they even remember so precisely exactly how things went down back then anyway
    everyone uses every function about evenly. take NE for example. if there are those who don't use it much, then why are there such massive amounts of people constantly flowing through Wallmart with 20 items or less?

  10. #10
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    It's cute that an INTP is watching crappy TV and blaming it on NFPs. <3

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