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Thread: INFP fathers

  1. #1
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    Default INFP fathers

    I'd really like to hear some experiences of INFP fathers, whether you are one, or know one.

    Examples...
    When your child is in a rut with another child, and let's say that the other child's father is an ESTx. Deeply caring for your children, you know that you'd be there to listen to them, spend much time with them, etc. But what if other fathers who are of the ESTx types get really aggressive or hard-charging because that's their way of defending their kids -- do you feel inferior in parenting in this way? Like you don't have the ability to stand up for your kids in front of an ESTx society while the ESTx world is in-your-face against you? Do you just walk away and ignore, and inside you secretly feel like you're not a good enough parent in the sense that you can't defend them "as much"?

    There probably won't be much INFP fathers on here, so experiences and perceptions of others can apply too (e.g. if you're the son/daughter/wife of one, a friend of one, etc.)

    My dad is an INFP and one of the main reasons he left me when I was young was because of this. Of course he never actually said this directly to me, but I know this is one of the main reasons why. Being it difficult to even stand up for himself, I know he couldn't bear to deal with having/seeing his child in this state as well (not being able to stand up for me).

    Do you sometimes wish that you weren't an INFP father because of your sensitivity that gets in the way of this? For the INFP males that don't have kids, does this "problem" affect your decision or desire for having kids in the future? Or for the non-INFPs whose had experiences with them, do you sense or think that they feel "afraid" of being a father for similar reasons and situations because of this?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Sandy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by deep rain View Post
    I'd really like to hear some experiences of INFP fathers, whether you are one, or know one.

    Examples...
    When your child is in a rut with another child, and let's say that the other child's father is an ESTx. Deeply caring for your children, you know that you'd be there to listen to them, spend much time with them, etc. But what if other fathers who are of the ESTx types get really aggressive or hard-charging because that's their way of defending their kids -- do you feel inferior in parenting in this way? Like you don't have the ability to stand up for your kids in front of an ESTx society while the ESTx world is in-your-face against you? Do you just walk away and ignore, and inside you secretly feel like you're not a good enough parent in the sense that you can't defend them "as much"?

    There probably won't be much INFP fathers on here, so experiences and perceptions of others can apply too (e.g. if you're the son/daughter/wife of one, a friend of one, etc.)

    My dad is an INFP and one of the main reasons he left me when I was young was because of this. Of course he never actually said this directly to me, but I know this is one of the main reasons why. Being it difficult to even stand up for himself, I know he couldn't bear to deal with having/seeing his child in this state as well (not being able to stand up for me).

    Do you sometimes wish that you weren't an INFP father because of your sensitivity that gets in the way of this? For the INFP males that don't have kids, does this "problem" affect your decision or desire for having kids in the future? Or for the non-INFPs whose had experiences with them, do you sense or think that they feel "afraid" of being a father for similar reasons and situations because of this?
    I know this is for INFP fathers (I don't know any personally)... however, as an INFP mother, I can't imagine that being a problem. I had no problems staunchly and aggressively defending my children (or any child who was bullied) in whatever situation with other extroverted/introverted parents. (For years, I was in the PTA board and finally, I had to pull them out completely - I couldn't stand the ignorance of the parents and some of the teachers). Grant it, when the boys got older (when I knew the boys would feel badly if I were to get involved), I would stand back and watch... but I would give my kids serious "go get 'em" talks.

    I'm sorry to hear about the experience of you and your father, deep rain. That's sad. (((hugs)))
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    Thanks Sandy. I didn't want to get personal, but I threw my little story in there to give a clearer example. I never blamed my dad at all though, I totally understand.

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    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    When I was having issues with bullies in school my father told me to go to the teacher three times, then go to the principle three times. Should neither do their job: knock the kid on his ass, pound him till he's not moving, and be ready to take your licks. Reality beats INFP children in my family very early...
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  5. #5
    Mamma said knock you out Mempy's Avatar
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    Yeah, Deep Rain, I'm sorry that happened to you. It's one of the many interesting personal stories floating around here. Thanks for sharing.

    Hmm... I'm with Sandy on this one. Even if I'm not a parent, I am INFP, and I think I would encourage my kids (if I had some) to go get 'em, aggressively, if need be. Your dad may have been INFP, but maybe he just didn't have the backbone he needed to stand up for himself and his kids. Hmm...

    Interestingly, I've kind of always seen INFPs as those really, how shall I say... well, I think INFPs are naturally pretty calm and peaceful around people, but I imagine them being uncharacteristically unbending, protective, and aggressive when it comes to their kids, kind of like Sandy. Haha. Then again, I can also see what you described being a problem for FPs. On the other hand, FPs can also go toward the other extreme: being big momma or daddy bears.

    P.S. I've noticed the conspicuous lack of INFP fathers (and parents in general) as well. I can count the number of INFP parents I know of, even online, on one hand, and that's saying something, since I've been a member of INFPg for over a year now.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mempy View Post
    Your dad may have been INFP, but maybe he just didn't have the backbone he needed to stand up for himself and his kids. Hmm...
    Yeah it's not just that he was INFP, I'm sure a lot of it had to do with his personal life growing up. Usually, when extroverts are abused, they tend to "act out", while introverts in this case fall to withdrawal becoming hypersensitive, especially INFPs. So in his case, I'm sure a lot of it had to do with his life experience, which couples with his personality type, resulting in this.

    I've known a few healthy INFP males, and they said they want to have kids, and didn't seem to be pessimistic about it. But I am curious if they have a slight fear of aggressively defending their kids due to their sensitivity or emotionality getting in the way.

  7. #7
    Mamma said knock you out Mempy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by deep rain View Post
    Usually, when extroverts are abused, they tend to "act out", while introverts in this case fall to withdrawal becoming hypersensitive, especially INFPs. So in his case, I'm sure a lot of it had to do with his life experience, which couples with his personality type, resulting in this.
    Yup. This is especially true of INs, I think. My only INFP friend in real life is male and a type four, and he seems to withdraw quite a bit for defense. I've done it too, but I'm not a four.

    I'm not a male, but at this point in my life, I'm not afraid that my sentimentality will get in the way of my raising my kids right.

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    Senior Member gretch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by deep rain View Post

    My dad is an INFP and one of the main reasons he left me when I was young was because of this. Of course he never actually said this directly to me, but I know this is one of the main reasons why. Being it difficult to even stand up for himself, I know he couldn't bear to deal with having/seeing his child in this state as well (not being able to stand up for me).
    Not to sound rude, but I think that him leaving you has everything to do with him being a douche (pardon the language). There is no excuse for leaving your children. Would you ever leave your child deep? It seems like you've handled it with a lot of courage and forgiveness. What is your relationship with him like now?
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    Quote Originally Posted by gretch View Post
    Not to sound rude, but I think that him leaving you has everything to do with him being a douche (pardon the language). There is no excuse for leaving your children. Would you ever leave your child deep? It seems like you've handled it with a lot of courage and forgiveness. What is your relationship with him like now?
    A wounded soul takes one of two paths. One with a revengeful view towards the world, and one with a forgiving one. He took the first one, but is not an evil man, just misguided. He will find the light and redemption one day.

    I'll only leave it at that. I want to stay on-topic about the feelings and thoughts of INFP fathers in general.

  10. #10
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    Martoon's father is a likely INFP. He has a really dry, understated, sarcastic humor. He also feels rather attached to cute children and critters and feels strong nostalgia about life. He is a creative and gentle person with a sharp wit.
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