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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebe View Post
    Hmm. I sympathize. All the important people in my childhood have betrayed me in some way

    .....

    When I was younger, I was a very gentle little creature and they trampled all over me so I have grown horns, as I like to put it.
    Wait, so you actually admit to this? I mean, you actually admit to manipulating, taking advantage of, hurting, etc, other people like me?

    And you wonder why they hate you.

  2. #12
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    (I will put the personal info into my blog so that not everyone can see it. If you want to read it, you can see it here.)


    How do I operate now?

    I help people who want to be helped instead of shunning them or fawning over them.
    I try to understand people before judging them, although that is still hard for me.
    I try to not be as hard on myself when I fall, and show myself some compassion.
    I try to be true to myself, as clichéd as that sounds.
    I don't try to find the guilty one; I try to find solutions to make things better for everyone.
    I stand up for my decisions, my mistakes, and my life, and take accountability, but I do not hold myself accountable for those of others. (Or I try not to. It's still a struggle for me.)
    I have learned that it is YOU who LET others USE you; close yourself off when necessary while remaining open to the beauty of life.

    How do you know? Be open when you feel calm, at peace, and happy. Be positive as much as you can.

    If you feel negative vibes, unhappiness, and anger/hatred leveled against you, it's not you. It's the other person. Refuse to let that person tear you down to their level.

    Although it is hard, I try to avoid negative vibes, because I reflect my environment. The past couple of days, I had been giving off negative vibes because I had been surrounded by them the past week. I, too, must continue to learn and grow in this area to maintain my wholeness in such negative times.

  3. #13
    Supreme High Commander Andy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    By the time I was six I was able to totally quell and block emotion and pain-using Te I'd imagine or maybe an Fe shadow wall. I felt nothing, nothing upset me.

    As I grew older my mom and sister would very often use emotional guilt to get me to help them-money, getting them out of jail or whatever. I call it "plucking the Fi strings"-making me mirror their emotional pain, so I would feel obligated to help them. So I learned to ignore their pain altogether. I learned to judge them, most other people, (and myself) pretty harshly with Te-did they act wisely, logically and did they learn from their own past mistakes? If no, then I did not help them or forgive them. And I felt no guilt at all. This is a real harsh worldview, especially for an ENFP.
    Yep, I think that's where I live. Welcome to medusa land, where you slowly turn to stone!

    How do you chose who to help?: Those who I feel deserve it. I've never bothered try to formalise any criteria for this - I just go by instinct. People with who I empathise. Most of all, people who will help themselves.

    How do you respond to emotional guilt from others?: I laugh at them. It doesn't work.

    How do you evaluate their own level of responsibility for their situations?: Sooner or later, shit happens to everyone. How you cope with it is the important thing. Sometimes, all people need is help turning to face reality.

    Do you find others trying to use your emotional sensitivity against you? Are they doing so intentionally or more subconsciously?: I think it is usually intentional.

  4. #14
    A passer by yvonne's Avatar
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    ^ thank you for writing that down little linguist!!!

    you have no idea how much you helped me.
    Enneagram 5w4.

  5. #15
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by yvonne View Post
    ^ thank you for writing that down little linguist!!!

    you have no idea how much you helped me.
    I'm so glad it helped! That's the beautiful thing about sharing because you think you are all alone until someone has the courage to share, and then you realize other people understand.

  6. #16
    A passer by yvonne's Avatar
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    yeah.

    i don't know what it was with my mum, but it felt like i either was a saint, or a devil to her. i still don't know what all that was about, but i am determined not to become like that.
    Enneagram 5w4.

  7. #17
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    I grew up in a similar environment...
    I passed by the same stages as you. Where we can't understand what's happening around us, why are we obliged to face it while we have never asked for it and when you realise that you're powerless and can't change things unless you strengthen yourself passing by quelling your feelings or trying to suppress them. But it seems like Whatever we do those will emerge like debris on the sea...

    How do you chose who to help?
    You already have the answer, it's all a matter of responsibility !
    The hard part is to know if the person is responsible or not.

    How do you respond to emotional guilt from others?
    As long as they don't repair what they have caused, I'll consider them like they are. The feeling of guilt that they resent changes nothing.

    How do you evaluate their own level of responsibility for their situations?
    It depends on their intentions on the first place.

    Do you find others trying to use your emotional sensitivity against you? Are they doing so intentionally or more subconsciously?
    They can't.
    But otherwise that depends of the person I suppose.

  8. #18
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    Wait, so you actually admit to this? I mean, you actually admit to manipulating, taking advantage of, hurting, etc, other people like me?

    And you wonder why they hate you.
    What? Nowhere did I say I became a cut-throat bitch.

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