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[ENFP] Who has thicker skin ENFP or ENFJ ?

sculpting

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I often feel like I am shoving my hand in a garbage disposal when I go to work.

I have to stand up and be firm and have a very tough skin to get things done. I always try and do what is the right thing, thus can appear very tough.

But it makes people not like me which makes me sad.

If I am emotionally connected to you then you can easily destroy me with just a few words though.
 

Laurie

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I don't think ENFJ and ENFP are similar enough to compare in such a way. I don't know many ENFJs though.

I think it's cute to try to make it a competition for something that neither type is really interested in winning. Thick skin is not an NF goal unless you are jaded and even then you are focusing on something that isn't an inherent strength so you are wasting energy on it.
 
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Malkavia

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Elaur makes a good point that neither type is usually interested in winning.

In my experience when an ENFJ feels criticized (this is only with males because I only know ENFJ males) they stone wall and close up. They may ignore it or become so defensive that it is impossible for them to see your point.

ENFPs tend to take things much more personally, HOWEVER, they also have to solve the problem. When someone criticizes them Ive noticed (at least with me and other ENFPs I know) they have to figure out why. ENFPs can become obsessed with fixing things if they have to do with people.

So honestly? Neither. ENFJs clam up because they cant take it and ENFPs flip shit. Both take it personally. ENFJs just wont let you know they do. I agree with the OP that both types can stereotypically be "softer" that most other types. Not that I care, ENFP and ENFJs are my favorite types. :)

This goes without saying that everyone is different etc etc... This was also not taking in personal experiences. Those I think factor WAY more into whether you have "thick skin" or not.
 

Arclight

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I don't think ENFJ and ENFP are similar enough to compare in such a way. I don't know many ENFJs though.

I think it's cute to try to make it a competition for something that neither typoe is really interested in winning. Thick skin is not an NF goal unless you are jaded and even then you are focusing on something that isn't an inherent strength so you are wasting energy on it.

Thank you for telling me what my goals are.. I would be lost without you..
and I guess I should also never try to strengthen my weakness because that would just be waste of energy ..
I am glad I can now just stagnate for the rest of my life in the name of preserving my energy.. Brilliant!!! :doh:
 

Laurie

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Perhaps an INFP goal/strength is to have thick skin, I haven't seen that as a goal in my INFP friends. Maybe I've missed that it is a drive for INFPs. Forgive me!
 

Arclight

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Perhaps an INFP goal/strength is to have thick skin, I haven't seen that as a goal in my INFP friends. Maybe I've missed that it is a drive for INFPs. Forgive me!

I was speaking more in general ..I was just a bit surprised to hear someone say that something is inherent and to not waste energy on trying to improve something about yourself.
I am under the impression that humans are not static and stuck but rather can grow, change and adapt.
I thought this was the whole purpose of existence ..

Obviously the areas in my life that I feel vulnerable are areas I am working on improving , if that means growing a thicker skin then I cannot see any amount of energy as being wasted if it will improve my self image and make me a stronger person.
I don't think being an INFP has anything to do with it.

The goal of every human should be growth ..no?
 

Laurie

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You assume that having a "thick skin" is growth. Dealing with things that hurt me in a productive way would be growth. Learning not to jump the gun when someone hurts me would be growth. A thicker skin is not, in my estimation, something to desire to have. One unique thing I see with NFs is that we let things "get" to us, that is a good thing as long as we learn how to deal with whatever "gets" to us.

You may be missing that I spent many years trying to figure out the "final goal" of who I am "supposed" to be. I didn't do a very good job changing into anything else that people were appearing to value over ENFP traits and I'm learning that I need to work within my strengths and not try to accept someone else's definition of what I "should" be.

I see the OP pulling some unnatural thing out of his butt and asking which type has it. It causes a competition between two types who really aren't built for it. It's not helpful in any way and makes it appear that "thick skin" is something to reach for. So I responded to it.

Get a thicker skin already and get what I mean, don't take it as an affront to you, personally.
 

proteanmix

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As much as ENFPs have allowed themselves to be consistently trolled by ENTPs about silly shit, I have my doubts about claims of thick skin. :whistling:
 

SillySapienne

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As much as ENFPs have allowed themselves to be consistently trolled by ENTPs about silly shit, I have my doubts about claims of thick skin. :whistling:
I'm very half-and-half.

In so many ways I'm a thin-skinned pussy, it's honestly shameful and pathetic.

And, in other ways, I am thick-skinned to the point where "bullets" will simply ricochet off of me.

It really depends on the person, my mood, the situation/context, and what is said/done.

:)
 

Arclight

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You assume that having a "thick skin" is growth. Dealing with things that hurt me in a productive way would be growth. Learning not to jump the gun when someone hurts me would be growth. A thicker skin is not, in my estimation, something to desire to have. One unique thing I see with NFs is that we let things "get" to us, that is a good thing as long as we learn how to deal with whatever "gets" to us.

You may be missing that I spent many years trying to figure out the "final goal" of who I am "supposed" to be. I didn't do a very good job changing into anything else that people were appearing to value over ENFP traits and I'm learning that I need to work within my strengths and not try to accept someone else's definition of what I "should" be.

I see the OP pulling some unnatural thing out of his butt and asking which type has it. It causes a competition between two types who really aren't built for it. It's not helpful in any way and makes it appear that "thick skin" is something to reach for. So I responded to it.

Get a thicker skin already and get what I mean, don't take it as an affront to you, personally.

Yes.. dropping my baggage of past hurts and not letting affect me is growth.. This is obtained by not being so sensitive to the things that once hurt me.. or as people call it, "growing" a thicker skin.. see? that phrase even uses the word grow.. :yes:

I get what you mean.. You mean to blanket all NF's by defining in your opinion, what our goals should be. As if we are one big collective incapable of free thought or deciding for ourselves what would serve us best.
You could easily solve this by claiming something as opinion rather than fact.
That is what I am going on about.
You might think all ENFJs and ENFPs think exactly like you and that, therefore, qualifies you to make blanket statements about HOW they should behave.. But it doesn't really. If that were true, I would like all ENFs equally.. and I don't
Life would be pretty boring if everything fit into neat little boxes.
Just because one person with an anagram does one thing, doesn't mean ALL people with the same anagram would..

You even tried to compare me to other INFPs that you know..

Now take 2 INFPs .. one Christian and one Muslim and tell me they think and behave exactly alike.. or that their values are on par.. They will have similar passions about their beliefs and the comparison will end there.
I doubt they will get along very well at all.. So similar and yet so different ..
just like we all are.
 

sculpting

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As much as ENFPs have allowed themselves to be consistently trolled by ENTPs about silly shit, I have my doubts about claims of thick skin. :whistling:

tumblr_kxvpx9AFrY1qzbhfuo1_250.jpg



Rather than acid reflux, ENFPs may suffer from emo-reflux. Bluuurgghhhhhhhh! (can I take prilosec for this?) :D
 

pyramid

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both have an unrivaled social toughness and each side will probably see their own as greater than or equal to the other .. when it comes down to it we split the weight of the work.

ENFs work towards a common goal but have very different agendas. I have always seen the ENFJ - ENFP juxtaposition as somewhat of "ENFJ wants to help change people but are good at teaching them. ENFP wants to help teach people but are good at changing them." Reverse that if it sounds better to you, it makes no difference. ;)
 

CzeCze

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As much as ENFPs have allowed themselves to be consistently trolled by ENTPs about silly shit, I have my doubts about claims of thick skin. :whistling:

OMG, yes.

My XNFP brethren - rise up! And very nonchalantly look at your watch or drink coffee :coffee: and yawn.

Better yet - don't even reply to trolls.

No, no, no even better - don't even read posts by trolls You know who they are. You can smell troll a page and a half away.

This is the definition of thin-skinned or reactive - you don't even know when someone is poking at you to get a rise out of you.

Whyyy? WHyyyy o' whyyyyy do you indulge them??? It's like bunnies to a sadistic non-agrarian non-medical totally pointless slaughter!

Oh wait...I think Protean just trolled me.

Damn you, Protean!!! :steam: :steam: :steam:

Oh wait...

:coffee:

I am SO over this already, you have NO idea.
 

Unkindloving

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Both types have a thicker skin than the other, but regarding different things.
Both have their weak and strong points and can't be gauged too easily.

ENFJs can seem to have a thin skin, but it's because we make ourselves susceptible by taking on so much from others at once. Our thick skin resides in our protective traits and our ability to damage control ourselves (that we learn more of over time) as we help damage control others. We have a tolerance that a lot can't comprehend, but we will react intensely when we do react.

I'm not too clear on ENFPs, but i'm sure they've got much of the same going on in a semi different way. I get the feeling they appear thin-skinned in their many concepts and enjoying their freedoms, but those are also their thick-skinned strengths.
(Anyone who knows.. feel free to elaborate or correct me)

Edit: I think i've made it sound like ENFJs and ENFPs are polar opposites like NFs and STs... uhh not the intention. There are similarities, but definitely differences!
Oh, I can attest that NFJ men can be far from soft. I know a lot of ENFJ men and they are caring and kind in every day dealings. But you should never mistake their kindness for weakness.
As an ENFJ female, i am quite like this. I even put a similar sentiment in an okcupid profile (oh, i said it :laugh:)
In my experience when an ENFJ feels criticized (this is only with males because I only know ENFJ males) they stone wall and close up. They may ignore it or become so defensive that it is impossible for them to see your point.

ENFPs tend to take things much more personally, HOWEVER, they also have to solve the problem. When someone criticizes them Ive noticed (at least with me and other ENFPs I know) they have to figure out why. ENFPs can become obsessed with fixing things if they have to do with people.

So honestly? Neither. ENFJs clam up because they cant take it and ENFPs flip shit. Both take it personally. ENFJs just wont let you know they do.
ENFJ female- I take criticism, but will stone wall and close up if certain things don't match up.
I think it's rare for ENFJs to let people into their squishy, vulnerable core (or even give a glimpse into it) so being criticized by people who have no clue about it is off-putting. It also takes too much time to explain, if the person is worth explaining it to.
I also do what you describe ENFPs to do, but ENFJs also like closure on matters.
 

Malkavia

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ENFJ female- I take criticism, but will stone wall and close up if certain things don't match up.

Thats actually a good point. Me and my ENFJ friend talked about things we wanted to improve in our lives recently. When he knew I was going to talk about things I think he should work on, he fully accepted it.

If it came out of no where or he didnt agree with me I could see him closing up very quickly.
 

OrangeAppled

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From my experience:

I notice that ENFPs tend to take immediate offense, and then they calm down and get over it. ENFJs appear to let it roll off their back (relatively speaking), but they dwell on it later & it eats at them.

The ENFP's reaction is usually one of outright hurt and denial, maybe even pouting, but ENFJs will take an underhanded approach that makes them appear less sensitive. They may divert attention & then get little digs in with a smile. They don't seem to get over it as fast - much time will go by and they continue with comments here & there (often disguised as a joke) & you realize it still bugs them.
 

Unkindloving

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Thats actually a good point. Me and my ENFJ friend talked about things we wanted to improve in our lives recently. When he knew I was going to talk about things I think he should work on, he fully accepted it.

If it came out of no where or he didnt agree with me I could see him closing up very quickly.

Exactly. If we've had some preparation for it and if you're trusted, then you'll be in the clear unless we're on high stress alert :laugh:.

The quickest way to get me to close up or spit fire is to tell me i don't know what i'm doing when i do. There just isn't a way to force an ENFJ, especially if they feel you don't know enough.
 

Thalassa

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I would say ENFJs have thicker skin.
 
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