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  1. #91
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aurel View Post
    Wow, that's a unique thing for people to do.

    I can't believe I got lumped into a group with No Exit.

    I'm enjoying AO giving interpersonal relationship advice.
    Am I getting dragged in next? No problemo!

    I don't think it's necessarily unique, but for the purposes of answering the OP I think it's ironic the type(s) who started quibbling and such in the thread. Do you think that indicates anything or is it an accident of the universe?
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  2. #92
    Tenured roisterer SolitaryWalker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Why ignore the dispute in the thread when it's pretty much proving a point? Three NFPs have been going back and forth which each other for dozens of posts over perceived slights and insults.
    A question of what group of people have thicker skin is sociological rather than typological. Ignoring the thread is a good idea because a person's type is only one influence on how thick his skin will be. It is a good way to discourage people from pretending that they could answer such complex questions by arm-chair reasoning. The endeavor is nearly as asinine as someone trying to arrive at groundbreaking conclusions about chemistry or physics without any carefully controlled empirical investigation.

    The fact that people who profess to be NFPs here have thinner skin than people who profess to be NFJs does not allow us to assume that all NFJs have thicker skin than any NFP. If we had thousands to represent each type and people from both groups were from different cultures and personal experiences and consistently one type displayed 'thicker-skin' than the other, that'd be a whole different story.
    "Do not argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." -- Mark Twain

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  3. #93
    Member Kymlee's Avatar
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    [QUOTE]
    Quote Originally Posted by Forever_Jung View Post

    Well I would say ENFP's have thicker skin because ENFJ's leads with feeling and have inferior thinking. /QUOTE]
    while I understand you are voicing your opinions here in response to the OP's topic, I think that the use of this phrase could have been worded differently.
    I seem to be noticing many a blanket statement in this thread. We are unique individuals, and I don't believe anyone has Inferior ways of thinking, just DIFFERENT.



    Continue now
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  4. #94
    Tenured roisterer SolitaryWalker's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=Kymlee;1110295]
    Quote Originally Posted by Kymlee View Post

    Well I would say ENFP's have thicker skin because ENFJ's leads with feeling and have inferior thinking. /QUOTE]

    while I understand you are voicing your opinions here in response to the OP's topic, I think that the use of this phrase could have been worded differently.
    I seem to be noticing many a blanket statement in this thread. We are unique individuals, and I don't believe anyone has Inferior ways of thinking, just DIFFERENT.

    Big difference....

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    Quote Originally Posted by SolitaryWalker View Post
    A question of what group of people have thicker skin is sociological rather than typological. Ignoring the thread is a good idea because a person's type is only one influence on how thick his skin will be. It is a good way to discourage people from pretending that they could answer such complex questions by arm-chair reasoning. The endeavor is nearly as asinine as someone trying to arrive at groundbreaking conclusions about chemistry or physics without any carefully controlled empirical investigation.

    The fact that people who profess to be NFPs here have thinner skin than people who profess to be NFJs does not allow us to assume that all NFJs have thicker skin than any NFP. If we had thousands to represent each type and people from both groups were from different cultures and personal experiences and consistently one type displayed 'thicker-skin' than the other, that'd be a whole different story.
    "Do not argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." -- Mark Twain

    “No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money.”---Samuel Johnson

    My blog: www.randommeanderings123.blogspot.com/

  5. #95
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    This ties back to what the knife-wielding-enfp-formerly-known-as-Eluar said earlier-maybe growing a thick skin should not be our objective? Cant speak for the ENFJs, just the enfps.

    Also reminds me of Lady X's discussion in relationships about debate and growing tougher to tolerate it.

    Should an enfp learn to be less emotionally sensitive? Should we learn to build walls to protect ourselves from the world-these thick skins? We end up doing so just to survive, but should we aim to do so as a way to "grow" stronger?

    I dunno. The most beautiful enfps I see are the softest most sensitive ones. They are so gentle and sweet. I am not that at all. My walls are like steel most days. It protects me and makes me impervious to pain, yet it isolates me as well. It isnt good to be this tough skinned for an enfp.
    Offense will come in life, that's a guarantee along with death and taxes.

    I don't think being thicker-skinned has to mean being impervious, hardened, or insensitive. For me it's about knowing which battles to fight and what hills I'm willing to die on.

    I more or less view being thick-skinned as analogous to building your immune system. You want to be protected enough so that dangerous viruses and pathogens don't kill you, but good bacteria and probiotic thingys are permeable and welcome.

    Also, a lot of it is contextual as has been mentioned several times in the thread...what fairly and reasonably sets you off (unjust and incorrect character assaults), what you just brush off as hateration (unfounded gossip that has no bearing on anything), and constructive criticism that should be heeded (weaknesses and areas of improvement).
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  6. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by SolitaryWalker View Post
    A question of what group of people have thicker skin is sociological rather than typological. Ignoring the thread is a good idea because a person's type is only one influence on how thick his skin will be. It is a good way to discourage people from pretending that they could answer such complex questions by arm-chair reasoning. The endeavor is nearly as asinine as someone trying to arrive at groundbreaking conclusions about chemistry or physics without any carefully controlled empirical investigation.

    The fact that people who profess to be NFPs here have thinner skin than people who profess to be NFJs does not allow us to assume that all NFJs have thicker skin than any NFP. If we had thousands to represent each type and people from both groups were from different cultures and personal experiences and consistently one type displayed 'thicker-skin' than the other, that'd be a whole different story.

    ALSO: this post basically sums up the argument with a pretty little bow and sends it on its way. I completely agree. It's rather pointless to continue on a subject that cannot properly be solved by matter of opinions.

    Not one person is better or more equipped to handle life's fiery darts than another.
    Every person has a story, and that story and ration of experience molds someone into who they presently are.



    Good points Solitary!
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  7. #97
    Member Kymlee's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=SolitaryWalker;1110298]
    Quote Originally Posted by Kymlee View Post

    Read more posts of the kind below and post less.
    ???? I was agreeing with you?
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  8. #98
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aurel View Post
    Wow, that's a unique thing for people to do.

    I can't believe I got lumped into a group with No Exit.

    I'm enjoying AO giving interpersonal relationship advice.
    What is so difficult to believe??
    You have engaged me in petty squabble have you not?
    You still haven't answered why you feel you are qualified to speak on the behalf of all NFs and have therefore done exactly what people are saying.
    You got upset and began in earnest to defend yourself instead of explaining yourself..

    I think we have done a wondeful job of showing people what thick skin( or lack thereof) is all about.

  9. #99
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SolitaryWalker View Post
    A question of what group of people have thicker skin is sociological rather than typological. Ignoring the thread is a good idea because a person's type is only one influence on how thick his skin will be. It is a good way to discourage people from pretending that they could answer such complex questions by arm-chair reasoning. The endeavor is nearly as asinine as someone trying to arrive at groundbreaking conclusions about chemistry or physics without any carefully controlled empirical investigation.

    The fact that people who profess to be NFPs here have thinner skin than people who profess to be NFJs does not allow us to assume that all NFJs have thicker skin than any NFP. If we had thousands to represent each type and people from both groups were from different cultures and personal experiences and consistently one type displayed 'thicker-skin' than the other, that'd be a whole different story.
    That's true, but I've started thinking about it this way.

    This forum is the largest database we have of people who say they fit or are a certain type. Then I think about what opportunities do I have to observe enough people AND ALSO know their MBTI type so that I can start connecting behaviors and tendencies with types.

    If I do it at work, I don't have the opportunity for people to know their type in depth and self-confirm. So then I have my best guess as to what their type is (which could be wrong!) and then observe from there. Aside from setting up a little biosphere and having people confirm their type and serve as a control group, the next best thing is this forum. It's not perfect of course and you just gave a very viable reason why it isn't. I try to notice typological tendencies and trends across threads, and I must say my unscientific opinion is this fairly consistent response.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  10. #100
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    Perhaps you are using wrong method. (but you can't have a effect on that)


    The real thick skin is when you can deal with thing without being hurt. Building walls around yourself is technically nothing more than running away from the problem. (if you are not solving it)
    But using Te walls I can solve problems every effectively and never get hurt. I quell any emotions and just resolve issues. It is very logical and detached and effective.

    For an enfp I think growing these Te walls is the way we develop a thick skin-although I'd love to hear alternative suggestions as well because maybe there are other ways??

    To use Fi-an enfp core-is that even possible without opening yourself up for emotional hurt? Maybe very experienced Fi users can develop fine resolution in how closely they attach to others so they are not hurt so much by slights?

    I really cant say I understand this. I love like a child. To allow another to see and feel my emotions, interact with them via my childlike Fi? This means that I will mirror every bit of the pain and hurt I perceive them to feel. This means that I cannot hurt them in anyway or I will feel that pain tenfold over and feel waves of guilt. This means I endlessly forgive.

    Maybe growing Fi rulesets allows us to emotionally protect ourselves more effectively? We learn it is okay not to forgive, it is okay to hurt others sometimes? I dunno...so confused on this issue. It defies logic.

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