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  1. #1
    Guerilla Urbanist Brendan's Avatar
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    Default Feeling Less Sensitive as a Result of Being F

    Sometimes I feel that because I'm an F and because of everything that comes with it, I can actually be very insensitive.

    Let me explain: it's not that I'm intentionally insensitive. Because I'm so ready to see the emotional aspect of things, particularly how I would feel about them, I can get emotional tunnel vision. Sometimes I can become so adamant about sharing my thoughts with someone who is emotionally in need that I forget to step back and just LISTEN.

    I think this makes me especially weak. Since I can be so forward with my opinions, I fear I may scare off those who might just want to talk about something. Just talk, not necessarily get advice, and I'm worried that I do this even with my close friends.
    There is no such thing as separation from God.

  2. #2
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I think everyone does this sometimes....it's good that you recognize it though. That's your first step to curbing the habit and becoming a better friend. The more you listen, the more relevant & helpful any advice will be that you do end up giving.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  3. #3
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brendan View Post
    Sometimes I feel that because I'm an F and because of everything that comes with it, I can actually be very insensitive.

    Let me explain: it's not that I'm intentionally insensitive. Because I'm so ready to see the emotional aspect of things, particularly how I would feel about them, I can get emotional tunnel vision. Sometimes I can become so adamant about sharing my thoughts with someone who is emotionally in need that I forget to step back and just LISTEN.

    I think this makes me especially weak. Since I can be so forward with my opinions, I fear I may scare off those who might just want to talk about something. Just talk, not necessarily get advice, and I'm worried that I do this even with my close friends.

    Or you are so sensitive that when you are insensitive you are just somewhere in the middle.


    Just a thought.

  4. #4
    A passer by yvonne's Avatar
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    i think you're right antisocial...

  5. #5
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Now I'm going to do what the OP fears he does too much....

    Some thoughts or things to consider....

    First, are you responding by relating your own past situation & solution and thereby "stealing the spotlight"? Or are you basically interrupting with advice that seems almost critical? The OP seems to imply both to me...

    I have an ESFP friend who does the first scenario...she's so eager to relate that it becomes all about her, and in the process my experience is downplayed & trivialized. Relating usually is best if kept brief and used to illustrate a point or to express that you have some idea of their situation, without claiming you know exactly how they feel or that you have a one-size-fits-all solution because you've been there before. It's to help them identify their own feeling, which will keep the focus on them.

    My ISFJ mom does something like the latter to me. It comes from a good place, because she wants to solve the problem or prevent the same situation in the future; however, much of the time the solution is just to listen & express sympathy. Instead, my mom can seem almost critical with her offering of advice.

    A person needs to get over the emotion before they can act. They may not need you to tell them how to act, but they need you to comfort them as they work through the emotion. Otherwise, advice can be like telling someone to run a race on a broken leg. They need to heal first - they probably know just what to do once they feel better. Allowing someone to vent helps them heal. Once you know their situation, you can offer specific advice that is actually useful because you have a better grasp of what is going on. They will also have a better understanding of why they feel that emotion, and that clarity can help them solve their own problem in their own way.

    It's good that you recognize this though. Another thing to consider is how you phrase your opinions. Do they trivialize a person's feelings? Do they imply that person has not thought of an obvious solution (basically, insulting their intelligence)? Asking questions to lead someone to a solution can be better than dictating it to them. That way, there is no assumption that they have or have not already thought of something, and it allows them to reason through the emotion themselves (which can have a calming effect).
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  6. #6
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brendan View Post
    Sometimes I feel that because I'm an F and because of everything that comes with it, I can actually be very insensitive.

    Let me explain: it's not that I'm intentionally insensitive. Because I'm so ready to see the emotional aspect of things, particularly how I would feel about them, I can get emotional tunnel vision. Sometimes I can become so adamant about sharing my thoughts with someone who is emotionally in need that I forget to step back and just LISTEN.

    I think this makes me especially weak. Since I can be so forward with my opinions, I fear I may scare off those who might just want to talk about something. Just talk, not necessarily get advice, and I'm worried that I do this even with my close friends.
    I am totally like this too, Brendan. I'm a semi-harsh F. I think we are the same type?

  7. #7
    morose bourgeoisie
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    The Shadow for introverted feelers can come off as very overpowering, crude, mean-spirited, superior, cold, vengeful and harshly judgemental.

    I really don't like this in myself, but it is there.

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