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  1. #1
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    Default Being Harassed by Extroverts Vent!

    I live in a fairly social community and occasionally I'll indulge some of my neighbors meaning, I'll be social and nice to them but I always regret it because I feel if I give them an inch they'll take a mile! example, I spoke with a neighbor today, mentioned I have a cold and she offered to pick some things up at the store for me. i said OK if you're really already going that would be great because it would save me a trip and I feel like total shit. When she dropped the milk and diet coke off she asked if my kids could come over to play, in front of my kids. of course they're all jumping around, "can we can we?" but i didn't want to be bothered (feel like crap) not to mention I don't really like them playing with her son because he has a violent streak and I don't want to get into any crap with her about it when one of them gets hurt as they have in the past. Plus I just got back into town from a long weekend so is it too much to ask to be left the fuck alone? I mean let me recuperate!?!

    This isn't the first incident I've had with a neighbor. my old ESFJ neighbor and I used to fight about it because she thought it was OK for her kids to just drop by and it would piss me off and her fucking mouth accusing me of being some sort of freak because I need to "make appointments" for the kids to get together. WELL YES ASSHOLE I DO BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE MY TIME RESERVED SO THAT I CAN BABYSIT YOUR FUCKING KIDS! I guess what I'm saying is that I prefer to make the plans and decide when I feel like being bothered. i hate going to birthday parties and school shit because i am then forced to talk to people i don't like and/or who have nothing to say that's of any interest to me.

    I'm really happiest when I'm not being asked to do things for other people. Can't people just be self sufficient and not bother me? Sometimes I keep the curtain closed because I don't want to answer the door and I keep the ringer on the phone off because I hate the sound it makes because I know its someone who wants something! i guess what it boils down to is that I'm feeling selfish. I want my kids to be happy so I go out of my way to keep them involved with activities so they're aren't bored but when we're home I don't want to be bothered.

    can anyone relate to this?
    Time is a delicate mistress.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Trentham's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jen View Post
    can anyone relate to this?
    Yes.
    83% I 70% N 64% T 73% P | 5w4 sp/so/sx | Chaotic Good

  3. #3
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I'm a creepy guy with a natural face that makes me seem perpetually annoyed. This seems to keep the unwanted attention away unless it's my younger brother just back from yet another frustrating shift at work. I'm also childless still, so that helps as well. Oh, and I'm not female!
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  4. #4
    is an ambi-turner BRMC117's Avatar
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    Yes ma'am, i can feel where you are coming from. I am always willing to help, and since I am that way people take advantage of me. I get calls asking if I can go pick up something or fix something. but I cant say no...I guess we are just gonna have to start saying NO! :steam:
    "I put the fires out."
    "you made them worse."
    "worse...or better?"

  5. #5
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    sure it sucks being bothered when ya don't want to be. i have times where i don't answer my phone and i don't love feeling obligated to socialize with neighbors either...but just a thought about her asking if your kids could come play...she may have thought she was being helpful taking them off your hands so you could rest.

    i think she really was tryin to be nice.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #6
    Member Jon_sparky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BRMC117 View Post
    Yes ma'am, i can feel where you are coming from. I am always willing to help, and since I am that way people take advantage of me. I get calls asking if I can go pick up something or fix something. but I cant say no...I guess we are just gonna have to start saying NO! :steam:
    I know about this, it is called "doormat consciousness". Best to learn to say "No", but I still get caught by them and spend my Saturday doing there bidding...
    people like your neighbor, are helpful but obnoxious. She is probably a two type, "the helper", nothing will come without strings attached. The helper wants to be needed, then you will owe them. But you don't want to hurt there feelings, then they take advantage. Can you pretend you are not home?

  7. #7
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    sure it sucks being bothered when ya don't want to be. i have times where i don't answer my phone and i don't love feeling obligated to socialize with neighbors either...but just a thought about her asking if your kids could come play...she may have thought she was being helpful taking them off your hands so you could rest.

    i think she really was tryin to be nice.
    sure i'd think that was a possibility if it wasn't all the time. her son doesn't have many friends and i don't mind our kids playing with him as long as i can supervise them. her son has aggresive tendencies and really needs to be monitored when other kids are around so while i understand she wants him to have friends, i also have to make sure my kids are safe.

    anyway my problem is certain people's inability to understand that not everyone is like them.
    Time is a delicate mistress.

  8. #8
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jen View Post
    sure i'd think that was a possibility if it wasn't all the time. her son doesn't have many friends and i don't mind our kids playing with him as long as i can supervise them. her son has aggresive tendencies and really needs to be monitored when other kids are around so while i understand she wants him to have friends, i also have to make sure my kids are safe.

    anyway my problem is certain people's inability to understand that not everyone is like them.
    haha! that is funny!

    yeah totally understand not an easy thing to discuss with her either i'm sure.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  9. #9
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jen View Post

    can anyone relate to this?
    yes

    I have totally pretended not to be home or asleep etc. etc. when I feel like people are pulling at me too much. Almost always extraverts. It happens.

  10. #10
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    haha! that is funny!

    yeah totally understand not an easy thing to discuss with her either i'm sure.
    lol. well i understand she loves being around people and getting together with friends is important to her, i just want her to understand that my husband and i aren't that way. so like when they invite us over and we don't come, it's not that we hate them, it's just that we'd rather spend a quiet night at home and avoid having to make small talk with people we have nothing in common with.
    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    yes

    I have totally pretended not to be home or asleep etc. etc. when I feel like people are pulling at me too much. Almost always extraverts. It happens.
    on more than one occasion, limey and i have shushed the kids and pretended we weren't home. one neighbor knocked on our door to see if we would be interested in going to church with her family. told me they'd wait for a few minuted in their car in case we changed our minds.
    Time is a delicate mistress.

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