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  1. #21
    Member MrRandom88's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BRMC117 View Post
    Yes ma'am, i can feel where you are coming from. I am always willing to help, and since I am that way people take advantage of me. I get calls asking if I can go pick up something or fix something. but I cant say no...I guess we are just gonna have to start saying NO! :steam:
    I know a great solution to this problem, but it requires a little balls on your part. When someone asks you to do something and you know that you arn't getting anything in return for it just say this:
    "OK, let's trade."

    and they'll be like "trade, huh?"

    and you be like "yeah trade...i'll do this thing for you, and you gotta give me something in return. It's only fair "

  2. #22
    is an ambi-turner BRMC117's Avatar
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    Ugh, I have no balls
    "I put the fires out."
    "you made them worse."
    "worse...or better?"

  3. #23
    Member MrRandom88's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BRMC117 View Post
    Ugh, I have no balls
    then instill a new value within yourself (because apparently INFP ppl can and will defend their own values until their death). This value of course would be 'FAIRNESS' and 'EQUALITY'...then carry on your life with this new value


  4. #24
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    The only extraverts who harass me are horny ESTJs and we do not relate.

    My thread title:
    "Being Neglected by Introverts"
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

  5. #25
    cast shadows metaphours's Avatar
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    This happens to me ALL the time. I hate how just because you're friends with someone you're suddenly OBLIGATED to hang out with them all the time, especially on the weekends (or at least that's the way it is in high school hehe). I usually deal with it by telling people that I see them 5 DAYS A WEEK and it's just tiring and I deserve at LEAST 2 days to relax, recharge my batteries, be by myself, and do the things I LIKE to do (as opposed to constantly feeling like I have to compromise with people) but they STILL don't seem to get it. Ugh. Extroverts. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em :/

  6. #26
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jen View Post

    can anyone relate to this?
    I do. Completely. I try to avoid allowing people of that nature to do any "favors" for me; that way I stay out of their circle and keep the mutual expectations to a bare minimum. Better to call a trusted friend than to rely on someone I don't care to closely be involved with.



    Quote Originally Posted by metaphours View Post
    This happens to me ALL the time. I hate how just because you're friends with someone you're suddenly OBLIGATED to hang out with them all the time, especially on the weekends (or at least that's the way it is in high school hehe). I usually deal with it by telling people that I see them 5 DAYS A WEEK and it's just tiring and I deserve at LEAST 2 days to relax, recharge my batteries, be by myself, and do the things I LIKE to do (as opposed to constantly feeling like I have to compromise with people) but they STILL don't seem to get it. Ugh. Extroverts. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em :/
    I wonder if the issue is really "extroverts" though. I met a lady a few years ago, a neighbor. She seemed reasonable enough, seemed to think the same of me, so we enchanged phone numbers. She had to have called me every day almost, multiple times a day. If I didn't call her right back, she'd leave me messages apologizing for potentially offending me on a previous day which she believed to be my reason for not getting right back to her. It drove me absolutely crazy because every other day I'd call her back and tell her that she didn't offend me! I'd explain to her that I was playing with my son when she called, or on the other line, or out of town, or in the shower, etc...I found myself constantly having to explain to her where I was and what I was doing so that I wouldn't offend her. She wanted to get together every single day, and I hated that. I definitely didn't want to see her everyday, but I felt obligated to do it because she seemed like she needed someone to talk to. I had to let her go.
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

  7. #27
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I just get a couple of kids, one a neighbor kid, and one a kid from school, that like to come over. Both are special needs - one mentally retarded and one very extroverted Aspie.

    The neighbor kid with mental retardation will just come sit on our porch for, like, twenty minutes. He's in high school, but he is about the same maturity level as my autistic 11 year old and he likes to play with toy guns. He can be kind of mean and doesn't listen very well when he's told something, so I have mixed feelings about them playing together.

    The Aspie rides his bike, like, a mile or so to get to our house. He does it in all kinds of weather and if I let him, he will stay after dark. He isn't mean, per se, but he can have a temper (I've never seen it at my house, but the kids at school like to get him going). He has to have attention and he talks loud. He tries to be polite, but he doesn't listen very well and does not know when to quit. You have to be very explicit and/or rude to get a point across.

    I wish their parents would not let them just run like they do or would work with them a bit more on the social cues, etc. It's frustrating because I already have four of my own kids (two of whom have autism) and a foreign exchange student to look after. I am not the local special needs after school center. It puts me in a position to have to be mean to their kids and I don't want to be, I just want to be left alone most of the time.

    Edit: As for other folks, I don't have too many friends or go out of my way to make them. My friends know that if it isn't a good time to talk, etc I just don't answer the phone and I've gotten a lot better about saying no if I can't do something.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  8. #28
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    Jen, you sound like an Introverted thinker, not INF. I relate to your not wanting to socialize too much and valuing privacy, but not the part about how everyone should be self-sufficient and never ask for help. I like helping other people. And I need help from time to time. There is no such thing as complete independence in this world. I have thinker-type friends who don't share that view. It seems to be the main difference between ITs and IFs. ITs aren't necessarily shy; they don't like most people. IFs are shy or reserved, but definitely interested in other people.

  9. #29
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    If her son has a violent streak, I see absolutely nothing wrong with being straight about your feelings with her. Yeah, she will get upset but you are protecting your child, too, which is your obligation. Whereas, she, is just protecting her own pride.

    It seems like the bigger problem to me is that your kids don't see a problem and still want to play with her kids. Maybe they know how to protect themselves? I dunno, just asking, here. "Out of sight out of mind" only works for so long.

  10. #30
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Betsy View Post
    Jen, you sound like an Introverted thinker, not INF. I relate to your not wanting to socialize too much and valuing privacy, but not the part about how everyone should be self-sufficient and never ask for help. I like helping other people. And I need help from time to time. There is no such thing as complete independence in this world. I have thinker-type friends who don't share that view. It seems to be the main difference between ITs and IFs. ITs aren't necessarily shy; they don't like most people. IFs are shy or reserved, but definitely interested in other people.
    i'm pretty self sufficient. my husband is an INTJ and the same. we never ask for help and if we receive help it's usually because we've paid for it. i'm not saying that i'm not generous because i am. i'll go to lunch with a friend and pay for it or if a friend is having money trouble i'll help out if i can. i'm just not a charity for those who are unwilling to help themselves. as far as my neighbor helping out with the milk and soda, that's no big deal as i'd have done the same for her and i don't think she's sitting around thinking, "hmmm what can i get jen to do for me now" lol. my husband saved her laptop from an untimely death and we expect nothing anything in return. whatevs. ;P
    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    If her son has a violent streak, I see absolutely nothing wrong with being straight about your feelings with her. Yeah, she will get upset but you are protecting your child, too, which is your obligation.
    thanks, but this is a terrible idea. sometimes you just gotta keep your mouth closed and handle things with kid gloves.

    my issue is that it's exhausting when you're introverted and like being left alone but your kids are more outgoing. i am taking them to music lessons this week to keep them entertained and my daughter is a girl scout which is awesome because she gets to socialize outside of school and loves it. my son is usually happy hanging out at home and my little one loves to play outside which does involve some interaction with others but i've found if i'm outside with a book that cancels out small talk from the neighbors. I'm not trying to sound like misery guts but I've tried to talk to my neighbors and all of them are conservative and religious and those topics seems to come up each time we speak so i'd rather not get into it since i am not either of those things. and let me be clear, i have no issues with people who have different beliefs than me but i expect them to treat me with the same respect and not push their beliefs on me.
    Time is a delicate mistress.

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