[NF] Need for Human Contact/Touch

[yvonne]

awww. if i was there i would hold you.

this is making me all emotional.

 

[LindseyLadybug]

Awww that is so sweet! Thank you.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you all emotional, yvonne.

 

[Lady_X]

Aww.. That's sweet.

I don't think I am like that tho. I feel uncomfortable with too long hugs from friends or even family really. I don't think I really want to be held at all unless it's with someone I'm in a relationship with. It's just too intimate for me.

 

[Lightyear]

Yes, touch is definitely my love language along with words of affirmation and quality time. I don't feel close to people unless I've had a deep conversation with them and we've hugged. Haha. Sounds silly, doesn't it?

No, it doesn't sound silly at all, I can relate to that.


And here is the solution for all your problems

Official Home of the Free Hugs Campaign - Inspired by Juan Mann - Home

 

[yvonne]

^ ya, me too (in response to ladyx)... but i wouldn't mind holding someone, if they needed it. i have a lot of love to give, believe it or not...

and np, i don't mind getting emotional. i can understand.

 

[JocktheMotie]

No, it doesn't sound silly at all, I can relate to that.


And here is the solution for all your problems

Official Home of the Free Hugs Campaign - Inspired by Juan Mann - Home

 

[Lady_X]

^ ya, me too (in response to ladyx)... but i wouldn't mind holding someone, if they needed it. i have a lot of love to give, believe it or not...

and np, i don't mind getting emotional. i can understand.

Funny I read yours too and made me realize I would hold a friend to comfort them if they needed it. Wouldn't even make me uncomfortable in that way..how weird.

 

[cafe]

They make weighted blankets for people (usually autistics) with sensory issues. I think if I didn't have a partner, I'd probably get something like that.

 

[Synapse]

Of course I relate, you will be hard pressed to, deep down, find another person who doesn't relate. They may deny that this is the case, that its foreign and infrequent, then understand that it is a form of being closed off, guarded from others. Can you then imagine what people go through to react this way...a lot, goes back to the way we are raised and conditioned to feel and think, perceive and judge. When a child misbehaves its for attention, when a child touches everything and is told to stop touching everything etc, these values are entirely subconsciously stored and then expressed in our lives as natural extremes of what is and isn't appropriate.

Its essential for each individual person to experience this. Without human contact/touch the heart closes to being receptive to this experience. It is short of feeling abandoned, isolated, anxious, lonely, lost, aimless, without a sense of belonging, acceptance, feeling beautiful, appreciated, loved, a sense of safety, being human. What makes us able to identify with others. Hugging is said to be good for the soul because on many levels you break through to people, gain their trust sooner, feel a stronger bond, communicate your needs, feel uplifted, re-energized and if you hug a person more often the response from them will be warmer, each time the bond gets stronger.

Its like asking why does having a massage work, makes you feel good, because its releasing, relaxing, stabilizing your body, unknotting the tension, stress and more. And its simply to do with people rubbing their hands and helping massage your muscles through your skin and possibly rubbing oil over you body.

Although an oversupply of affection, contact and hugs is possible certainly, however in a society that has forgotten or rather become more aversive to the art of human contact due to many factors, not withstanding harassment, legal issues, boundaries, technological isolation, work awkwardness. Ha its kind of astonishing, not once have I hugged anyone at work for the months I stayed there and that is unfortunate to see that I continue to remain impersonal as they do with me. And imagine with just a few hugs their reaction towards me and mine towards them might have changed considerably or at least slightly.

This is the same with my family, we are unaffectionate, which means none of us listen to each other, none of us respect each other, none of us appreciate each others positives only negatives. When my father tried to hug me a few times I became suspicious what his ulterior motive was. As much as I dislike him I almost let it go when he hugged me and knew on an instinctual level that he was doing it to get closer to me. I know the power of positive touch, I try to hug my mother and she refuses, hates it. Imagine where she learned that from, her parents, her husband.

It is completely natural to ask for contact/touch

Some researchers have described the need for touch as "skin hunger," suggesting the desire and need for touch is an actual craving, much like hunger for nutrients and water, exist in our physiology.

It is right up there with the need to eat and breathe, your skin is the largest organ of your body you know how can it not be anything different?

Truly so yet the technological age has created a gap where the social humanistic need to touch others in comfort, joy, sadness, laughter, pain, happiness, simplicity has become much more awkward and complicated. Notwithstanding the fears society has against hugging, contact and touching others. When she was younger, my friend told me that when she was over at her friends her friends father refused to go down and greet her friends just because he was afraid how it would look. Its the way it is, while the nurturing instinct in woman is easily to touch and express their feelings through being affectionate this is seen less appropriate for men to do as often.

The more we feel loved, appreciated, cherished, and valued, as a human being, the healthier, happier, and more fulfilling our relationships. Kind and appropriate touching sends a message to our very spirit and heart that we are valued, that we are safe, that we matter...

We need to distinguish between good touch (appropriate touch) and that which is invasive of our personal space or harmful to our emotional well-being.

 

[TheStarchDefenders]

Someone touched my shoulder last week and I was beaming the whole day. Before then I do not remember the last time anyone has even touched me. I feel like my capacity for love is crying out with need for anyone at all. If I talk to anyone about it I do feel like I am just whining. I am getting restless as a lonely friendless infp.

 

[LindseyLadybug]

^ ya, me too (in response to ladyx)... but i wouldn't mind holding someone, if they needed it. i have a lot of love to give, believe it or not...

and np, i don't mind getting emotional. i can understand.

Funny I read yours too and made me realize I would hold a friend to comfort them if they needed it. Wouldn't even make me uncomfortable in that way..how weird.

Your friends must cherish you yvonne and ladyx!

I have an ENFP roommate and she is the best ever!!! I love her so much. She's somewhat touchy feely but...I've yet to muster the courage to ask her to hold me. It's a big deal...it's personal...and like you said ladyx, it's intimate.

 

[LindseyLadybug]

No, it doesn't sound silly at all, I can relate to that.


And here is the solution for all your problems

Official Home of the Free Hugs Campaign - Inspired by Juan Mann - Home

Thanks. Hahaha! Oddly, I can't see myself doing that...but I guess it'd be worth trying.

 

[LindseyLadybug]

LOL!!!! You are a trip, JtM!

 

[LindseyLadybug]

They make weighted blankets for people (usually autistics) with sensory issues. I think if I didn't have a partner, I'd probably get something like that.

That sounds fantastic...if I could convince myself it was a person. Hehe.

 

[LindseyLadybug]

Of course I relate, you will be hard pressed to, deep down, find another person who doesn't relate. They may deny that this is the case, that its foreign and infrequent, then understand that it is a form of being closed off, guarded from others. Can you then imagine what people go through to react this way...a lot, goes back to the way we are raised and conditioned to feel and think, perceive and judge. When a child misbehaves its for attention, when a child touches everything and is told to stop touching everything etc, these values are entirely subconsciously stored and then expressed in our lives as natural extremes of what is and isn't appropriate.

I used to not want anyone to touch me ever. For some reason that changed over the years as I discovered how powerful it is.

Its essential for each individual person to experience this. Without human contact/touch the heart closes to being receptive to this experience. It is short of feeling abandoned, isolated, anxious, lonely, lost, aimless, without a sense of belonging, acceptance, feeling beautiful, appreciated, loved, a sense of safety, being human. What makes us able to identify with others. Hugging is said to be good for the soul because on many levels you break through to people, gain their trust sooner, feel a stronger bond, communicate your needs, feel uplifted, re-energized and if you hug a person more often the response from them will be warmer, each time the bond gets stronger.


It is completely natural to ask for contact/touch

Some researchers have described the need for touch as "skin hunger," suggesting the desire and need for touch is an actual craving, much like hunger for nutrients and water, exist in our physiology.

It is right up there with the need to eat and breathe, your skin is the largest organ of your body you know how can it not be anything different?

The more we feel loved, appreciated, cherished, and valued, as a human being, the healthier, happier, and more fulfilling our relationships. Kind and appropriate touching sends a message to our very spirit and heart that we are valued, that we are safe, that we matter...

This is so true. It's good to be reminded. So many people see touch as either childish, weak, and needy or sexual. I can actually feel its effects the second a person I love touches me. My friend who held me saw that I looked slightly uncomfortable after a while. She asked if I was embarrassed and I said, "Yes, a little." She said, "There's no need to be embarrassed." That made me feel so comforted to know I wasn't being judged.

Although an oversupply of affection, contact and hugs is possible certainly, however in a society that has forgotten or rather become more aversive to the art of human contact due to many factors, not withstanding harassment, legal issues, boundaries, technological isolation, work awkwardness. Ha its kind of astonishing, not once have I hugged anyone at work for the months I stayed there and that is unfortunate to see that I continue to remain impersonal as they do with me. And imagine with just a few hugs their reaction towards me and mine towards them might have changed considerably or at least slightly.

Truly so yet the technological age has created a gap where the social humanistic need to touch others in comfort, joy, sadness, laughter, pain, happiness, simplicity has become much more awkward and complicated. Notwithstanding the fears society has against hugging, contact and touching others. When she was younger, my friend told me that when she was over at her friends her friends father refused to go down and greet her friends just because he was afraid how it would look. Its the way it is, while the nurturing instinct in woman is easily to touch and express their feelings through being affectionate this is seen less appropriate for men to do as often.

Someday I will take over the world and declare hugs for all!!!!

This is the same with my family, we are unaffectionate, which means none of us listen to each other, none of us respect each other, none of us appreciate each others positives only negatives. When my father tried to hug me a few times I became suspicious what his ulterior motive was. As much as I dislike him I almost let it go when he hugged me and knew on an instinctual level that he was doing it to get closer to me. I know the power of positive touch, I try to hug my mother and she refuses, hates it. Imagine where she learned that from, her parents, her husband..

I'm so sorry about your family. That is just....tragic.

 

[LindseyLadybug]

Someone touched my shoulder last week and I was beaming the whole day. Before then I do not remember the last time anyone has even touched me. I feel like my capacity for love is crying out with need for anyone at all. If I talk to anyone about it I do feel like I am just whining. I am getting restless as a lonely friendless infp.

I'm the same way! Some days I'm so starved that it doesn't matter who it is that touches my arm or shoulder or hand. ANYTHING. Reading this makes me die a little inside.... but at the same time, I feel relief that I am not alone in this. Thank you for sharing. There are days when these same thoughts overwhelm me. We should form a real life community of huggers. Ready, go!

 

[Vasilisa]

Aw, Lindsey, I understand where you are coming from. I hope you find more dear people in your life who will be glad to give you hugs when you have the blues.

I try to treat people how I want to be treated. So if someone lets me know they are sad, or if I can sense it, I ask if they need a hug. I know for a fact that people have been moved by it. This may work for you too, once people know you are pro-hug, they may repay you in kind.

 

[Synapse]

I used to not want anyone to touch me ever. For some reason that changed over the years as I discovered how powerful it is.

This is so true. It's good to be reminded. So many people see touch as either childish, weak, and needy or sexual. I can actually feel its effects the second a person I love touches me. My friend who held me saw that I looked slightly uncomfortable after a while. She asked if I was embarrassed and I said, "Yes, a little." She said, "There's no need to be embarrassed." That made me feel so comforted to know I wasn't being judged.

Someday I will take over the world and declare hugs for all!!!!

I'm so sorry about your family. That is just....tragic.

Thanks Lindsey.

I just don't get enough hugs, I understand where my reaction are from and am getting less guarded, hugging my friends in moderation who want to be hugged. I still get suspicious, over thinking why. The other day the human resource lady went up to me and congratulated me, wanting to hug me and saw I tensed up so instead she just rubbed my arm in a congratulatory way and left which felt good.

 

[Thursday]

Yes - It is a need like water and air that permeates every-other thought.

 

[Phantonym]

They make weighted blankets for people (usually autistics) with sensory issues. I think if I didn't have a partner, I'd probably get something like that.

I'm always reminded of the Hug-Me-Pillows: