[NF] How do u deal with romantic rejection?

[laudanum225]

being nf and all? recluse urself or shout it out?

romantic rejection vs. rejection in general

just brainstorming

 

[BerberElla]

Mostly I try to avoid allowing it to happen, usually by rejecting people faster than they can reject me.

However if it does happen, whether romantically or not, I pretend to the world it hasn't bothered me, but I feel it quietly inside, and usually take it pretty personally. I just don't show it.

 

[SilkRoad]

However if it does happen, whether romantically or not, I pretend to the world it hasn't bothered me, but I feel it quietly inside, and usually take it pretty personally. I just don't show it.

Pretty much this. A few close friends might hear a lot about it though, and worry about my sanity when months or years later I'm still kind of hung up on it.

 

[cafe]

Grieve and cry for months in private, but keep it together in public.

 

[Lux]

being nf and all? recluse urself or shout it out?

I have the tendency to need more time to myself. Which is good, because I work everything out in my head. I may or may not talk about it. If I do talk about it, it is only with people I consider myself to be close with.

romantic rejection vs. rejection in general

They both hurt. I think it depends on how much you view your romantic relationship as your source of happiness, as to whether or not the romantic rejection would be worse.

I have been rejected romantically and at the time it was utterly horrible, but it was easier for me to work out in my head rather than general rejection. The reason is because it obviously wasn't right for either partner, and it is best to not waste anymore time on a relationship that is not bringing happiness to one or both partners.

General rejection is harder for me because I don't have that comforting thought of, "It was best that it ended because..." Instead it's more of a, "They didn't like you, there's nothing you can do about it." So the one I can attach reasons to, and then close the door on, is easier, for me personally. Another possibility is because general rejection happens more often than romantic rejection, so it is more prevalent in my mind.

 

[Eckhart]

Does it count as romantic rejection when you didn't yet reveal yourself to the other, but had slight hopes until the other eventually got together with someone else? So to say indirect and unknowing rejection?


If not, I comment only on other rejection. Hurts a lot, devoured me much for the last many months, because it is quite hard rejection when you are basically left lonely. Life goes on though, and I am slowly getting along with it I think. I don't want to say I am over it, because I know my mood about it fluctuated already in the past.

How I deal with it? Well, there is a switch between sadness, angryness, resignation and indifference. It is more inner feeling and other than writing here in these forums I don't talk about it much / not at all with others, but the general mood shows itself outwardly.

 

[Phantonym]

I've never experienced romantic rejection. You can't be romantically rejected if you have no romantic feelings to begin with. General rejection obviously sucks. Turning into a hermit is the way to go. The repercussions probably last for a lifetime.

 

[BerberElla]

Pretty much this. A few close friends might hear a lot about it though, and worry about my sanity when months or years later I'm still kind of hung up on it.

Same as.

When I say I take it personally, I really do. It sort of impacts on me in confirming the things I think about myself anyway, so it stays with me. Which is why I always seek to reject first, to deny feelings or attraction or caring, and simply sever ties before they can do anything that I will have trouble shaking lol. Yay for BPD.

 

[yvonne]

it happens. you get tougher with age and learn to expect less. it's not a bad thing, either, if you keep a positive attitude towards life. people will hurt you and you will hurt others, but you're the one you're responsible for.

 

[Arclight]

I've never experienced romantic rejection. You can't be romantically rejected if you have no romantic feelings to begin with. General rejection obviously sucks. Turning into a hermit is the way to go. The repercussions probably last for a lifetime.

Reading this post is sad ^^^^

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Alfred Lord Tennyson


You're nobody 'til somebody loves you.
Frank Sinatra

Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight.
Bruce Cockburn

 

[Lexicon]

it happens. you get tougher with age and learn to expect less. it's not a bad thing, either, if you keep a positive attitude towards life. people will hurt you and you will hurt others, but you're the one you're responsible for.

^^Well put. I dealt more with unrequited romantic interest in my younger days when I knew myself and my needs, and likelihood of compatibility with certain people, far, far less. Thus my high hopes had no basis on which to ground them, even just a little. I find that sort of romantic interest immature, fleeting, painful, and fortunately a thing of the past.. for me at least. On the occasions I faced rejection, ofc it was a hard pill to swallow. Overtly, I always gave an air of indifference/acceptance-"hey that's life. It goes on. Et cetera. Let's go ride bikes!" I hate to fall apart in front of people [especially in front of the person I'm hurt about]. I'd reach that point of indifference internally in a rather quick manner once I processed the immediate emotional responses. My initial reactions were a bitter mix of disappointment, inadequacy, and foolishness.

I never grieved the situation for too long or pined away for someone. I've always disliked feeling as though I *need* someone *that* badly. Just a rather sour-flavored feeling that makes my skin sort of crawl. It's not like they're dead. Or that we're soulmates and destiny is ruined. Maybe it's a pride thing, or maybe it's that I can't stand feeling weak. Perhaps some combination of factors.

But, we learn and grow.


I am extremely cautious about who I allow myself to trust deeply, and it takes quite some time to reach that point. During that time is when romantic feelings can emerge, and in my recent years the two only seem to go hand-in-hand. I don't deal with the surprise of rejection because I don't allow myself to jump ahead and get attached to someone without having a fair grasp and sense of proportion about my growing relationship with this person.

In the back of my mind I'm always aware that there's so much more to living life than just trying to bond with people. Nice as it is when it happens, but it's not my definitive reason for existing. I suppose that's always helpful.

 

[21%]

Mostly I try to avoid allowing it to happen, usually by rejecting people faster than they can reject me.

However if it does happen, whether romantically or not, I pretend to the world it hasn't bothered me, but I feel it quietly inside, and usually take it pretty personally. I just don't show it.

Exactly this! I don't really 'reject' people. I just never let them in in the first place...

 

[Phantonym]

Reading this post is sad ^^^^

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Alfred Lord Tennyson

You're nobody 'til somebody loves you.
Frank Sinatra

Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight.
Bruce Cockburn

No need to be sad. That's life.

 

[Queen Kat]

I've never been romaticly rejected, but I can deal with normal rejection easily. When people reject me, I'm just like "Fuck them" and then I go on with my life. They don't know what they're missing. I'm awesome. they're dumb. Like that.

 

[Spamtar]

Step One: Embrace rejection. If you never have been punched in the face you will always be at a disadvantage in a physical mêlée. Similarly until you have toughened your psyche's skin by throwing yourself into a rejection prone arena and experiencing rejection it will limit flexibility, resilience and mobility.

Step Two: Rope a dope

 

[runvardh]

Better than I used to, worse than I eventually will.

 

[colma]

For me, it depends on who it is, how much that person has impacted my life and what it means to me. I get -emotional-detached-emotional- in that order. I cried a lot the last time, in private. I still think a great deal about said person, I don't think there's anything wrong with loving someone. Even years after it's over, I think that's natural. It would be a shame to hate someone I loved, regardless of what has happened. Forgiveness is much more powerful and fulfilling.

 

[yvonne]

for me the comforting thought is that love doesn't disappear, even if the person you love goes away. love is always valuable as it is, or was. it reminds us what is important. it's always there, if you listen to your heart... only the fact that your heart is beating and you are feeling something is a reminder of that connectedness... you have to love yourself first. if you embrace life, rather than fear it... it will give you hope and a positive feeling in the core. it's not for nothing. i feel that deeply in my heart and i know that no matter what happens, nothing is going to take that away from me. love is, if you choose to love. love means letting go of people, but not of love itself. that's my view, simplified.

 

[Juni]

I withdraw from the world and work out my frustrations with art. When I emerge, I am usually okay with it.

 

[Quiet]

being nf and all? recluse urself or shout it out?

romantic rejection vs. rejection in general

just brainstorming

I usually just keep it inside, and try and sort it out. Often times though, I just feel confused inicially, and question what actually happened and why. Then I usually worry that I did something stupid to bring it on. That, or wonder if the other person thought there was something wrong with me... meh, lol