User Tag List

First 12345 Last

Results 21 to 30 of 58

  1. #21
    Symbolic Herald Vasilisa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    4,128

    Default

    Kelemvor, I'm sorry your heart aches. If I may take a guess at why your INFJ got furiously angry, I get very upset when people spread details of my private life to other people without my consent. Of course it is a fact of life, but I wonder if maybe some of us INFJs get more upset about this than most people due to our private nature.

    She said she would never leave her marriage for you, right? Well, perhaps she didn't. Obviously there was something dysfunctional in her marriage, if she allowed herself to be seduced by you or fall in love with you or whatever. If she was with that other man, too, at some point she must have realized her marriage was not fulfilling. You may not have been the cause of her divorce, but a symptom of the fundamental problem in the marriage.

    I wonder if your INFJ might just need some time to be free of a relationship. In my life, I seem to have gone from one serious long relationship to another. Is she like that? Never alone for very long? We have a lot to give, but it can be difficult when we still need to find a way to grow ourselves.
    the formless thing which gives things form!
    Found Forum Haiku Project


    Positive Spin | your feedback welcomed | Darker Criticism

  2. #22
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    8,470

    Default

    Yeah, they seem to be very private and they do seem to not stay single long.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  3. #23
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    468 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII None
    Posts
    4,383

    Default

    It's possible her husband initiated the divorce.

  4. #24
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Posts
    26

    Default

    [QUOTE=Vasilisa;1100043]Kelemvor, I'm sorry your heart aches. If I may take a guess at why your INFJ got furiously angry, I get very upset when people spread details of my private life to other people without my consent. Of course it is a fact of life, but I wonder if maybe some of us INFJs get more upset about this than most people due to our private nature.[QUOTE]

    I think you're right on this one.
    I'm fixed now.

    She said she would never leave her marriage for you, right? Well, perhaps she didn't. Obviously there was something dysfunctional in her marriage, if she allowed herself to be seduced by you or fall in love with you or whatever. If she was with that other man, too, at some point she must have realized her marriage was not fulfilling. You may not have been the cause of her divorce, but a symptom of the fundamental problem in the marriage.
    The reason why we were not together is the fact that she was married, nothing else (officially). Now she is no more.
    I know that she left her marriage mainly for another one. I have no doubt on that.
    There is only two possibilities now.
    - She quit her relation for me.
    - She quit her relation for the other.

    If the first possibility is the real one, then I must find a way to recontact her cause she can't, and even if she could, she will never do it (not directly at least). And this Automatically means that she is suffering at least as much as me. I cannot allow it...

    If it's the second, then they both lied to me by pure egoism. In this case, they must pay.

    I wonder if your INFJ might just need some time to be free of a relationship. In my life, I seem to have gone from one serious long relationship to another. Is she like that? Never alone for very long? We have a lot to give, but it can be difficult when we still need to find a way to grow ourselves.
    I don't know.

  5. #25
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Posts
    26

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    It's possible her husband initiated the divorce.
    No, it's not the case.

  6. #26
    Senior Member Heart&Brain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Posts
    218

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kelemvor View Post

    If it's the second, then they both lied to me by pure egoism. In this case, they must pay.
    Pay??? Pay for what - for not loving you the way you had fantasised would be nice for you? Come on. How old are you?!
    If she did not lie: Respect her wish = stay out of her life.
    If she did lie: Accept you had misjudged her (your fault) and that she doesn't love and respect you = stay out of her life.


    She's her own person and has every right not to love you. She also has every right not to tell you about her deeper motives for her choices. Her feelings and thoughts are her own. If SHE chooses to share some of them with you, you can feel blessed and grateful. It's a rare gift. If she doesn't, you can be disappointed and frustrated for not getting you egoistic wish fulfilled. Listen: that's YOUR egoism, not hers. YOU need to deal with it. Alone.

    Frustration in small children is a natural learning process that goes like this:
    - Want something they cannot have
    - Try harder, pushing and whining and manipulating.
    - Realise they still don't get what they want.
    - Anger towards the parent that denies wishful-fillment = outwards focus.
    - Acceptance that no matter who's to blame, they cannot have the Object. = inward focus.
    - Grief, tending to the feeling of hurt, self-soothing. Slowly accepting to let go of the desired object in their mind.

    - Finally: Restored emotional balance. Have learned that they are strong enough to cope with not getting their wish fulfilled. Mature reaction to frustration will be expressed in the ability to move on and a new respect of the boundaries of yourself and others.


    Instead of your focus on making her obey your fantasy, you have to deal with the disappointment yourself, in your own head, taking responsibility for your own life and feelings, not trying to "solve" anything by making it other people's problem to fulfill your wishes. You sound like you feel entitled to something and you think of other individuals as simple objects, only in this world in order to service you?


    And that revenge-idea? If you want people punished if they live their own individual life and take their own authentic choices, I'm tempted to say that you aren't an ENFP. The ENFP-motto is pretty much Live & Let Live.

  7. #27
    Pumpernickel
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Posts
    1,960

    Default

    You sound like a creepy stalker. Leave her alone, she is not a toy that you need to have.

  8. #28
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kelemvor View Post
    There is only two possibilities now.
    - She quit her relation for me.
    - She quit her relation for the other.

    If she quit her marriage for you, she'd be with you, at least she would be friendly, wouldn't be telling you to go away. Snap out of it.



    If it's the second, then they both lied to me by pure egoism. In this case, they must pay.
    They must pay? You ended your affair with her. She no longer wants you in her life. What must she pay for? She owes you nothing. You sound unstable.

  9. #29
    Feelin' FiNe speculative's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    LoL
    Posts
    929

    Default

    Kelemvor: it sounds like you are having a hard time letting go, but it would be best if you let her go. (Best for her and for you both.) You were in a relationship before, so obviously you have something to offer someone and the ability to make a connection with someone. Don't let it get you down. Make yourself emotionally available and meet someone new. Letting go of the past is difficult, but it is necessary. Over the long term, I have never achieved good from holding on to the past.

    There is a Sufi story that relates to this about an old dog that had been badly abused and was near starvation. One day, the dog found a bone, carried it to a safe spot, and started gnawing away. The dog was so hungry that it chewed on the bone for a long time and got every last bit of nourishment that it could out of it. After some time, a kind old man noticed the dog and its pathetic scrap and began quietly setting food out for it. But the poor hound was so attached to its bone that it refused to let go of it and soon starved to death.
    (Riso & Hudson)
    "How can I be, all I want to be,
    When all I want to do is strip away these stilled constraints
    And crush this charade, shred this sad, masquerade"
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGeq5v7L3WM

  10. #30
    almost half a doctor phoenix13's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Posts
    1,313

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kelemvor View Post

    I returned to her and begged for pardon, and to leave her husband for me...
    Her attitude toward changed from white to black. She became cold and said that she love her man and will never leave him for me. She also said that she did not want to have to deal with me anymore.
    I don't know why but I felt in her at this moment a great sorrow too...
    Quote Originally Posted by Kelemvor View Post
    Did she lied ? IS she lying ? Are they lying ? Or I'm I just insane...

    WHY was she avoiding me while the only thing that I did was loving her ? Did she really do that cause she was married ?

    I'm telling my self that...perhaps...she left her husband for me and thought that I didn't want to assume responsibility, and that I was just acting...cause I cut contact with her. (The pain was insupportable...)
    Allow me to summarize:
    1. She had an affair with you.
    2. You broke up with her, and she didn't try to get you back, so...
    3. You tried to get her back, BUT you asked her to leave her husband and commit to you.
    4. She said no.

    Judging from this and only this, it's clear that you love her much more than she loves (or loved) you. Think about it: She enjoyed your company until you asked her to commit. Why is that? Does she have trouble with commitment? Clearly not (she's been married several times). The only reasonable explanation is that she valued her relationship with her husband more than her affair with you. THEN, after divorcing her husband, she STILL did not seek you (which she would have done if she left her husband for you). This is because she is not attached to you. Lastly, if she loved you, she wouldn't make the same mistake twice by rejecting your most recent advances.

    Now let's talk about you. You keep bringing yourself up, things you did, things you should have done, etc. You're trying so hard to blame yourself because if you are not to blame, then she let you go because she does not love you. Do you see? To keep torturing yourself with guilt and jealousy over someone who doesn't want to be with you is absurd and self destructive. You can't make her love you. You can only push her farther away by trying. Don't waste your life over this. Let her go.

    "OMG I FEEEEEEEEEL SO INTENSELY ABOUT EVERYTHING OMG OMG OMG GET ME A XANAX" -Priam (ENFP impersonation)

Similar Threads

  1. where is my mind?
    By miss fortune in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 04-14-2011, 11:11 AM
  2. Where Is My Arty Arty Side? An investigation into Fi and art.
    By wolfy in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 02-20-2011, 06:33 PM
  3. Where Are My Pentecostals At?
    By RansomedbyFire in forum Philosophy and Spirituality
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 09-08-2007, 11:16 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO