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  1. #1
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    Default ENFP being consumed by ENFJ

    I live with two other people in my apartment. One is my sister who isn't around a lot actually, and the other is a VERY extroverted ENFJ. A lot of the time when we are both home it is like I don't even have any of my own feelings, like I am just swallowed up by whatever my roommate is feeling. I am trying to understand the functions more (as well as this relationship)... So, do you think this happens because my roommate is more extroverted than me or is it because ENFJ has Fe as dominant while ENFP has Ne as dominant and Fi as auxiliary?

    Or do I just have emotional boundary issues or something? I mean, probably I do...

    I guess now that I have become aware of it, I try to acknowledge my roommate's feelings to myself, and sort of mentally keep track that probably what I am feeling is actually not my own feelings but some kind of intense empathy or projection. I don't even know. I think it is not just me that feels this way around this person...

  2. #2
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    are u a guy and is the enfj a girl?

  3. #3
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    I am a male ENFP and my roommate is a male ENFJ, however if the ENFJ is a female I dont know if I can help you. I heard that sex can play a large role in MBTI type.

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    Both females, actually.

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    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    im a guy, but i've dated a coupla of ENFJ girls...

    i think bringing over some other girlfriends to neutralize the roommates overpowering emotional controls over everyone is kinda necessary if u feel like that. just drink at home, and have some situations where ur "social power" with your friends neutralizes her wanting to have her emotions played out in everyone else.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    I live with two other people in my apartment. One is my sister who isn't around a lot actually, and the other is a VERY extroverted ENFJ. A lot of the time when we are both home it is like I don't even have any of my own feelings, like I am just swallowed up by whatever my roommate is feeling. I am trying to understand the functions more (as well as this relationship)... So, do you think this happens because my roommate is more extroverted than me or is it because ENFJ has Fe as dominant while ENFP has Ne as dominant and Fi as auxiliary?
    Both. an INFJ would not leave you feeling this way. Can you move?

  7. #7
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    I still dont exactly understand what youre feeling. This is probably because both me and the ENFJ are both male. But when youre around her you feel whatever she is feeling? Like you dont have your own feelings or values?

    That (with my very limited knowledge of MBTI functions, someone please correct me if Im wrong) sounds more Fe than Fi.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    I still dont exactly understand what youre feeling. This is probably because both me and the ENFJ are both male. But when youre around her you feel whatever she is feeling? Like you dont have your own feelings or values?

    That (with my very limited knowledge of MBTI functions, someone please correct me if Im wrong) sounds more Fe than Fi.
    If she is happy the whole apartment is filled with happiness. If she is angry, the whole apartment is filled with anger. If I go in my room and close the door, it is not sooooo intense, but I can still feel it. It is this very physical presence, like the way if somebody were playing loud music or something...

    Quote Originally Posted by Fecal McAngry View Post
    Can you move?
    Not too well. I'm in a lease until September.

    Quote Originally Posted by nomadic View Post
    im a guy, but i've dated a coupla of ENFJ girls...

    i think bringing over some other girlfriends to neutralize the roommates overpowering emotional controls over everyone is kinda necessary if u feel like that. just drink at home, and have some situations where ur "social power" with your friends neutralizes her wanting to have her emotions played out in everyone else.
    Well, the thing is I'm not sure she's doing it on purpose. She is not a bad person, and not generally manipulative. She is just one of the most... emotive... people I have ever met.


    Any ENFJs want to weigh in???
    Last edited by proteanmix; 03-27-2010 at 09:42 AM. Reason: merged posts

  9. #9
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    I've read (somewhere that i can't find) that ENFJs are notorious for polluting the emotional air, in both positive and negative ways.
    We're less likely to affect people in brief situations, but you're getting the brunt of it because you live with her. It's like Gollum's cave. We hobble back into our dwelling with our "Precious" and wallow with it. In the ENFJ case, the 'precious' is our left over thoughts and emotions and the lack of facets we show toward people outside of the dwelling.

    I'm so shoddy at the functions so i can't help much there. I'm thinking that the ENFJ way of helping others is by projecting emotions. The reason we seem to be so good at is is because we put the majority of ourselves into those projections. It's possible that we feel it as much as or more than the person we're trying to help/understand just based on our intense desire and ability to relate.
    Your roomie may have trouble turning those projections down on the whole. There's also the case that you're more in tune with it than a lot of other people. I've found the only people to really be in tune with me are other ENFxs. It could account for the intensity.
    -

    Beyond this:
    How frequently does the ENFJ overpower with negative feelings?
    Have you discussed the cause of negative feelings when they are apparent?
    Are you also concerned about the positive feelings?
    Does the ENFJ get out and about with others a good amount?

    Were i you, i would inquire and suggest things that the ENFJ would enjoy to mellow out.
    Use some of that ENFP charm to lighten up the mind and mood. You have the power!
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    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


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  10. #10
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    I'm really big about just addressing the issue. Are you and your roommate close? If so when you feel that negative energy ask her whats wrong. Get it out of her. It may make dealing with it easier or in the least you will know what the problem is.

    Maybe if she has someone to vent to (a lot of ENFJs dont depsite how many others they help) the mood in the house will lighten.

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