Trapped. Useless. I feel like I bother people too much and that I have to dial down the crazy.
I feel trapped because I have a sense of loyalty to family and friends yet I just want to get out of this town and experience life.
I feel useless because of above reason. I don't feel like I'm at my potential to help anyone because my batteries have been on low for at least a few years. It's draining doing mundane tasks and when there is something exciting going on and I'm not there to experience it I feel anxious and slightly (ok, overly) depressed. I just don't feel like myself.
“We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” -Walt Disney
We are defined by our enemies so I am wondering who are your enemies?
I went through a painful time where I felt alone and betrayed when I needed a true friend. I was shown no mercy and it felt like my spirit was breaking. I didn't understand why or what I did to deserve it. When I tried to strike back, God asked me to stop; instead, to love them, to do good to them, to pray for them, and not to expect hugs and kisses in return.
Praying for wisdom and understanding helped me a lot. I was reminded of how Jesus experienced hurt and pain from those who made themselves his enemies, but he still chose to love them. As Jesus suffered on the cross, he prayed to the Father to forgive them for they know not what they do. The entire time Jesus walked with Judas, he knew that Judas would betray Him, but he never treated Judas badly.
In 2 Samuel 1:17-27, even though Saul made David’s life miserable and even tried to kill him, David chose not to speak evil of Saul. Instead, David used his musical talent to write and perform a beautiful song for Saul’s funeral. David chose to see the good in Saul. He chose to see Saul through the eyes of God.
I'm grateful for everything. God has made all of the challenges work together for my good and for my enemies' good. Everything will be okay. :)