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  1. #8811
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    Radical
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  2. #8812
    inside the lines EJCC's Avatar
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    Ambivalent/nervous/determined?

    I don't know why I'm always so drawn to this thread, when I rarely know exactly what I'm feeling, and therefore am usually not 100% sure of the accuracy of what I post here. The Mystique of Feelings...
    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  3. #8813

    Default

    Feeling very shitty at the moment

  4. #8814

    Default

    I'm feeling how short life is. You never know when it's going to end. You never know when you're going to lose someone you love. Spend every moment you have with them loving them. That's what really matters.

  5. #8815
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    A deep loathing for how weak/defective this PTSD shit makes me feel sometimes. Tired.

    I hate how even after I've recognized a trigger & rationally/emotionally reconciled it, the physiological stress responses persist (muscle tension, shakiness, rapid heartbeat, heightened startle response), sometimes creating anxiety anew. Or how people IRL will notice it.. that I seem a bit off. I'm mentally feeling fine by then, but the delay in the physical responses slowing down indicates otherwise, so I get the probes and concerned looks from some friends who don't really get it. Attention drawn to things that need no attention. Things that just need a bit of time and space to run their course. Disrupting that/drawing attention to it refuels the anxiety, piles on new dimensions (the attention itself is triggering, in its own way.). Guilt. Sadness. Rinse/repeat. I can handle the 'physical delay' when I'm alone just fine- I'm able to focus on calming my body down, but when others are present, exposed to that kneejerk physical part of my PTSD.. things I can't turn off as quickly.. I feel so fucking.. tense. Fearful. Guilty- inherently parasitic. A deep, deep sense of shame.

    And tired.

    Probably ironic/confusing that I'm drawing attention to it indirectly by writing this post, but perhaps writing/sharing without directly bothering anyone specifically about it helps me process, sometimes. Just getting it out of my head, shaping it with words. Stepping away and taking a look at it later. Getting potential feedback in a safe place. I dunno.

    Overall I do all right. More good days than bad. But this, I guess, isn't one of 'em.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  6. #8816
    is indra's Avatar
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    crane in the meadow

  7. #8817
    Senior Member
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    Not even sleeping pills will help me this night! There is nothing in the whole world that could be compared to my inner emotional turbulence right now, when will someone love me back? I find it hard to believe someone ever will, seeing as how I can't even make one single friend, and I mean it. There is no one in my life, no one at all, not even the slightest person! It's always been me, me, me, me, me... I wish I didn't need people so much, then I could be a hermit in peace, but I do need people... And it's constant torture, but I will endure! Somehow, somewhere...

  8. #8818
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Cellmold's Avatar
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    Fired up, but for what I'm not sure of at the moment.
    'Consciousness is not simply a sensory-perceptual affair, a matter of mental imagery, as the contents of our mind would have us believe. It is deeply enmeshed with the brain mechanisms that automatically promote action readiness' - Jaak Panksepp

  9. #8819

    Default

    Kinda depressed. Just finished watching All Is Lost.
    Take the weakest thing in you
    And then beat the bastards with it
    And always hold on when you get love
    So you can let go when you give it

  10. #8820
    Biertrinker entropie's Avatar
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    nothing, as always

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