I feel so used; I trusted a certain member on the PersonalityCafe forums and devoted so much of my time and heart to him... yet he manipulated me at his own expense and discarded me relentlessly once I no longer felt the ability to follow through with the rules of his sick chest game. A married man at 29, he tried to enthrall my 18 year old self beneath his spell and lure me into his grasp, initially bombarding me with multiple messages the day flattering and claiming to feel obsessed and enamored by me to captivate my attention, and seize away my emotionally stability and free-will in the process as well. As soon as our bond intensified and progressed into a deep, if admittedly complex connection, he slowly began unveiling his many repressed faucets and turned out to be a pervert using me to provide messages that would offer him the sexual gratification and arousal he could not properly obtain with his wife (or "soulmate", as he hypocritically referred to her as...).
Nonetheless, once I unintentionally "publicized" our secret bond by leaving (what I assumed to be) a friendly, inconspicuous visitor message upon his user profile, he proved himself to be a duplicitous asshole caring merely for himself and preserving his reputation as a "doting, trustworthy husband to his 'lady'" (and dare I say, "dirty little slut"), whereas I was merely his "sweet, dearest girl" under the circumstances that we kept our talks and interactions secreted via private messages... and once I crossed this boundary of his, I could no longer fulfill the sick role within his life he sought me to. Rather, I became the dramatic victim of "borderline personality disorder" and "emotional train wreck" (as likely had several other females preceding me) who was weak and malleable enough to be manipulated at his own expense (be it restricting the PMs to one per day as "punishment" for my "wrongdoings" and refusing to acknowledge me as a 'friend' on a public basis to supposedly "prevent drama with his wifey").
Nonetheless, the worst part of it all is that I idiotically, and perhaps downright, selfishly went along with his crap, regardless of how his wife, unbeknownst to it all, may have felt about the situation had she found out, and at times even succumbed to the dirtiness of his messages, while feel discomfited by most of them, for the sake of preserving a bond and someone to call "friend". I am thoroughly disgusted by myself and still bemused by how exactly I allowed my self-esteem to diminish so drastically to stoop to such an atrocious, foul level. Needless to say, however, he is likely perfectly content and nonchalant as he posts away upon the forum's threads as he previously had (before accosting me nonstop to garner my attention and eventually form of sick bond)... whereas I am the one whom is most emotionally and psychologically impacted by this garbage in more ways than one, as I feel further alienated from society and a desire to connect with it.
I should not only have kept his wife in mind as I conceded to the dirtiness of his actions, but I should have also known that I do not need any man to inform me that I am an invaluable member of this society at the end of the day, regardless of what anybody else says, scumbags and manipulators aside.
Time to empower yourself mentally/psychologically and develop a sense of love and confidence for yourself now, dear Hina; all you have now is you, and so you must initiate the painful, yet ultimately worthwhile self-healing process baby steps at a time.
What I wish more than anything, ultimately, is that I would have noticed the abundance of red flags to spark concern for me as my parents, sister, and elders alike warned me multiply to keep distance or flat-out stay away from this man, admonishing words that back then had been completely discarded by naïve, impressionable 18 year old mind.
I will not disclose names within this post nor hint at them, by the way, both to preserve online identities and avoid further drama all together.