Angry at myself for thinking I had a real second chance with him. We never even got off the ground the first time. I could tell he wasn't really interested the first time. But then three years changed him. He was open. He was...more serious about life in general, and less cagey. He was no longer in denial, and didn't act like a kid about certain things anymore. And he was there for me. And he cared.
At least that's what I thought but when he showed up with her yesterday...I can't. I just can't.
How could I have been so stupid? I took years to learn the hard way that words come easily to men and they dole them out to pretty women like moms give out candy on halloween. And it's all meaningless, without action backing it up. And there's never action. And I still buy it and think the candy means something.
And then I ache in places in my heart that I didn't even know existed, and hate myself for putting myself in this position, because I'm worth more than this, but I'm foever the dupe.
"I was giving my friend a blowjob and my boyfriend walked in on us, blah blah blah blah"
twenty minutes later....
"blah blah blah, hahahha, omg, I've allllllways had a crush on you, want to come back to my place and have a drink? My boyfriend works nights"
“Some people will tell you that slow is good – but I’m here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba…”