Contemplative. Nostalgic. Introspective. Disappointed but grateful. And a little lonely.
A mish mash of assorted stuff.
Thread: What are you feeling right now?
12-08-2012, 08:53 PM #6291
12-08-2012, 09:37 PM #6292
12-09-2012, 12:48 AM #6293A window to the soulGuest
I feel tired.
12-12-2012, 04:24 PM #6294A window to the soulGuest
12-12-2012, 04:32 PM #6295SnifflesGuest
Burned out. And very irritated with the person next to me.
12-12-2012, 04:44 PM #6296
This world is not my home. I'm just a passing through. I don't belong here. Never have. I'm just visiting the universe of the vain, the shallow, the materialistic, and the self-deceived on my way to that moment when the energy that this clay vessel houses cracks and the real me escapes. This world is not my home. That's how I am feeling right now.
12-12-2012, 04:53 PM #6297
12-13-2012, 02:58 PM #6298SocietyGuest
going through the same old motions, that have become so boring...
it always starts the same, a thought and a feeling about my son, to hug him and play with him, to explore the world with him, to give him a hand and show him all he can make and do, to think with him what somethings mean, to find what he's feeling and show him how to express it without harm, even to curve child like moments of un-thoughtfulness as they arise, to take care of his needs and teach him how to do so himself a little bit at a time, all of it... the constant desire, that used to be a source of such wonderful moments, satisfaction and bliss in someone's happiness... that all consuming and so simple desire to be woken up with mischivious laughter and a jump on the bed shouting "Daddy make me cereals!"... and she is there... that woman, that disgusting destructive woman, always there, standing in the way.
barely a few months ago, which feel like a long time ago that somehow manage to feel like this morning, i could not comprehend it, i could not reconcile how that person i loved could ever do such a thing... it had to be my fault, i pressed the wrong buttons, it could possibly be in her making to do such things... she who cried on my shoulders for the walking away of her fathers could not possibly have chosen to do so to him... moment by moment, cognitive dissonance consumed me, in my love for her i wasn't anymore capable of seen her actions within this then she is today with her love to herself.
but since then, in that not so long exceptionally long long time that feels like this afternoon, there has being nothing to stop me from seen it, seen her actions, seen her choices... seen every possible way she chose to hurt him and me, every possible way she is choosing to do so right now, in her self maintained ignorance, in shooting others and looking the other way, in choking her victims so she won't have to deal with what they have to say... i see all of that, whenever her image comes to pass.
and there's the hope that sustains me, that i might get there all the way, that if i am to be resourceful in every step of the way through the thousands battles to come, i might succeed. i questioned myself quite throughly, what is behind this, is this the love of a parent or some insane obsession, and when i look inside to find what i want, i have a million moments, full of my love to him, full of his love to me, my little favorite man, and i think back for that first beautiful moment, that core of the spiral on it's loving side, when we adopted each other.
and so it took it's shape: to think a loving thought, to see her standing in the way, to see all that she is, to fear all she is choosing to do to him, to angst at my failure to protect him, to feel all she is choosing to do to me, and to be filled with rage and anger, every day bigger then anything of the sorts that i have ever experienced before, and then to hang on to the moments, moments she will never be able to take, from which i drink, so that i can live to calm the front of my mind and push the war to it's back, and take another few steps forward towards my hope, until the cycle will rise again.
and now i am doing this, after a year, for the uncounted time that probably numbers in the thousands... so repetitive in it's spiral, so incredibly boring, so rageful, beautiful from one side and ugly from another, and above all, so seemingly futile, providing no service to me or those around me but that little dim hope.
this... all of this, has become the motions i go through. and so all that i feel can be said to just be going through them one more time.
12-13-2012, 03:03 PM #6299
12-13-2012, 03:15 PM #6300
>2/3 excitedy, 1/3 nervous, having found TC again and it's been ages and whoa (..hihihi~)
>slightly guilty cos i ate too much chocolate but also kinda vaguely wanting a pizza so idek man haha
>also slightly bad cos i didn't study much today oops
>but then happyish/contented bc its been the best day ive had, mood-wise, in a while and yeys
[ISTP] Why am I feeling so emo?By sLiPpY in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)Replies: 34Last Post: 03-25-2016, 09:16 PM
By Silence11 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)Replies: 145Last Post: 08-17-2014, 08:56 PM
[MBTItm] If you're feeling down...By Koocoomoo in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)Replies: 15Last Post: 10-12-2013, 03:02 PM
[MBTItm] why do I get the feelingBy whimsical in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)Replies: 24Last Post: 04-22-2009, 11:37 AM
By substitute in forum The BonfireReplies: 57Last Post: 10-15-2008, 12:36 AM