The first man to raise a fist is the man who's run out of ideas. H.G. WELLS
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. FEYNMAN If this is monkey pee, you're on your own.SCULLY
Confused, and angry that I can't control the urge to rant about it. Someone said something harsh to someone about their laziness and unemployment and it made me feel even more self-conscious about it. Same person said something against liking anime, because the characters are imaginary and the fantasies will never be fulfilled. Now every time I like something because of its escapist value I feel terrible. I was playing/reading the interactive fiction Galatea today and it killed my enjoyment knowing my happiness was coming from my sense of escapism, from some imaginary problem and its imaginary resolution, and that someone somewhere had a problem with that. And did I mention my own laziness and selfishness? What bothers me even more is how badly I'm taking this. It's because I've got such accepting friends that I've never had to deal with this sort of stuff in real life. Nobody has disliked me intensely because of some disagreement with who I am. Ah. I don't like how I said that. Because maybe they have. I'm having trouble pointing out what I'm getting at. The point is, I've got a friend who deals with this shit so much more than I do. People are constantly upset with him, or so he makes it seem. I can't really tell, but if I even THOUGHT that's how people looked at me, if everyone around me gave me that feeling that I got from this one person I mentioned earlier, I'd just kill myself. It's no wonder they tried. And I feel like what I'm about to say is profoundly immature. I wish everyone were as accepting as me. That's the kind of overly idealistic bullshit that I hate about the 13-year-old me. I used to get angry that the scum of society were treated badly, murderers and rapists and so on. I used to feel pretty self-righteous about it. Well, that's what I think now. I hate how judgmental people are, even if it helps other people get better. Every unmet expectation is a crushing weight. Or maybe I wish I could care less about expectations. I don't know. Something has to give somewhere, because I feel pretty shitty. Anyway, I feel like I'm spending too much time online on these forums and it's getting at me and making me an emotional wreck. I need to get away for a while.