I feel totally helpless, defeated, uncontrolling in mental energy, and slightly suicical. I can't control my mental energy, and I realise that anything other than I in where I am are just useless retards who pose as hope and helpers, but when coming to my own deeply heartfelt and serious spiritual, perhaps magick related problem, other than relying on a christian church that I only attended twice, I got absolutely nowhere to go. And it's so bad to ask them for such a great dose of favor... of uncontrollable dark energy.
Simultaneously nervous and excited about my upcoming cross-country move to start grad school. Part of me is afraid I've gotten myself into something I'll regret and/or won't be able to handle; another part of me is cheering myself on, reminding me that I've wanted this for years and telling me I'll pull through the difficult parts with persistence and the right attitude.
“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.” - Hermann Hesse