I'm angry at myself, at my friend's dad, and annoyed by their cocky, presumptuous live-in mechanic. >.>
Also.. I'm wondering if I'm going to go back to the same old pattern.. and not sure if I'm okay with the pattern stopping.. It bothers me. ;-;
I feel more clear and calm headed than I usually do.. so.. I guess.. I'm not sure if I'm bored.. or.. suspicious that something is going to come along and confuse me again. >.>
I feel like people have lost respect for me maybe?
I feel like I'm having a really difficult time letting my quality of life lessen, I suppose.. because there was a person that really made me happy just to be around and now I feel like my star-filled night is now cloudy and lonely.. ^^;
I kind of get the feeling that I violated my values again by sharing something extremely sacred with someone that is just a friend to me. o_o
I also feel hungry and a little bit tired.. like why did I stay at my friend's house that long.
I feel relieved that he didn't bring up my struggle with my feelings for a certain somebody..
I wish I had more self-restraint.. I have a fear of making permanent decisions again, I suppose.. and that fear makes me uncomfortable.
I feel hopeful that maybe as part of losing my ability to speak to a certain person for an undeterminable amount of time, maybe I can actually start building rapport with people again and building more trustworthy friendships with people and stop self-sabotaging and making big mistakes with the people that I care about..
I'm scared of the lack of intensity in my life. @.@
I wish there was a perfect solution but there really isn't.. and that too makes me uncomfortable. xD
"Every mountain is unclimbable until someone climbs it. So every ship is unsinkable until it sinks.”