Anxious. Very anxious. The boa constrictor is back. Im fucking terrified. Tunnel vision. Vunneling. Falling down a tunnel. I feel doomed. I feel like I am walking the green mile. I feel like I... I feel stuck I feel trapped I feel scared. I feel vulnerable. I feel so vulnerable. I feel just submissive to the feelings of vulnerability but upset by them at the same time. I am scared. I have therapy soon and I am absolutely motified. I am flipping out just a little bit. Just anxious. Very anxious. I am so tempted to skip. It is so terrifying. They know things. They know more things. Deep hurting things that they are... That are going to get aired and its so... I am afraid of drowining there. I am going to struggle. I know I am going to struggle. Maybe it will help me get stronger. That is the hope. That is the hope that forces me to go.
Even though... I feel like I am being lead around by a painful hook. I have to go. I can't stay here. This is the only way. I am scared though. I am near tears scared and I never cry. I don't really. I tear up but full blown tears are no... I just cant for some reason. But I would prefer to cry right now than have this crippling and painful anxiety.