I don't feel too intensely right now, but underneath it is like there are these huge things just waiting for me to get back to them. I have a lot going on right now. I just moved to another city, I have only just got the stuff inside. I feel optimistic about the city, the job prospects and my new room mates. It feels like a new era in my life. I do have a little anxiety over some money issues, I am sure I have to be extremely careful with cash the next months.
Another thing that has this anxiety kinda feeling around it is that we had a farewell party with my old room mates and things were weird. The night was so absurd I thought it might have been full moon or something. A friend of mine woke up with her friend's boyfriend and didn't remember how she got there and what happened. I've been thinking the situation from everyone's perspective, and it is just horrible... I hope they can somehow all get along, but I'm afraid that's not what's going to happen...
Then there's the project that's been bugging me for some months now. I haven't been productive at all. Now as I moved I feel a little bit hopeful that I might be able to get some energy from the new place and new people. It was starting to seem so gloomy in my old place that it kinda kept me tired. But I also feel like I might be just fooling myself.
Relaxed and calm right now. Despite the heartbreak a couple days ago, I seem to be faring very well. I do have some regrets though. I wonder if I wasn't so anxious about the guy that things would have turned out differently. But come to think of it, if he still harbored feelings for his ex girlfriend, and if we did see each other more often, perhaps it would have been harder on me cos I would have gotten closer to the guy, and he wouldn't have been as emotionally invested in the relationship as me. Not exactly the best situation to be in with a relationship.
Oh wait, I wrote down what I am thinking right now too. :P
“Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche
i feel tired, happy excited to see my boyfriend tomorrow - sad he is having money problems - i feel like a loser for being such a peon at my job - i feel like a loser for not trying to go up the career ladder & staying in an entry level type position for so many years - i feel thankful that i'm reading this awesome book about buddha & now my new life philosophy is, "let the goal take care of itself / only be concerned with "the way" . . .