It might take a month or a year or three years, but in the end, something in my friendships always seems to fall through.
I get to know someone. We become pretty good friends over the course of time, then we just "drift apart" because of various reasons. This doesn't need much explanation because, in all honesty, everyone knows exactly what I'm talking about.
I get close to someone and we become good friends. I highly esteem this person at first, but then I detect little flaws in the person and become mentally critical of him or her. I try to ignore this kind of thinking, but the little voice of doubt keeps going and going. Sometimes this voice of intuition is right and something blatantly wrong happens down the road. Other times, the big dealbreaker never comes around, but I still find it hard to invest 100% of myself into such a friendship. I hate myself for it sometimes, but I can't forget flaws in people. There's just an immense sense of disappointment or betrayal and it cuts me so deep the wound never heals. No matter how hard I try to forgive and forget, the scar remains.
I get close to someone and we become good friends. However, after a time, I realize this person is of no use to me anymore. He or she fails to stimulate me mentally or in other ways. I've emptied the bottle, and nothing remains. Sometimes this situation manifests itself after a few months of friendship, when I realize I am more intelligent than the person and find him or her to be almost like a leech sucking the life out of me. Now, I realize this might sound really arrogant or heartless, but it's the truth. If I could fix these thoughts I would, but I can't. It's just the way I feel.
Scenario 1 usually happens to me in friendships where I could see myself really enjoying a relationship with said person. Many of the friends in this category have either floated away or return infrequently to communicate with me.
Scenario 2 often happens when I initially feel such a person is "stronger" or "better" than me. I'm drawn to these people because I detect some potential benefit or a possible good friendship. Many of my favorite friendships have gone this way.
Scenario 3 can happen with almost any type of friendship, but it usually starts with mutual, genuine interest from both parties.
How come so many of my friendships end up this way? Am I the only one with this problem? One thing's for sure, it's really taught me how reliable I am versus the rest of the world.