User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 37

Thread: Is it too late?

  1. #1
    Senior Member rainoneventide's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    365

    Default Is it too late?

    I'm going to try and be as succinct as possible--I'm taking medication for depression, the medication worked and I'm not as depressed, but this has left me with the realization that my self-esteem has left the premises along with any sort of identity.

    I want to change. I want to be that ideal self I see in my mind and that I feel most comfortable with, but I feel as if it's too late.

    I'm a sophomore in college and I haven't really made any new friends. I don't know what I'll do next year because I'll feel so dumb rooming with someone I don't know at all again. I almost want to take a year off to work and do some soul searching, but I don't know anymore. That might just make me even more lost than I already am.

    I think this may be because of my unbending perfectionism. It's like I haven't done things the way I wanted to do them since I entered college, so now I feel as if I've ruined everything, already.

    I have no idea if this makes sense, lol.

    But have any NF's had the same experience, the feeling that no matter what you do, it's too late? How do you motivate yourself? How do you find some compromise between your ideals and reality?
    "So I say, live and let live. Thatís my motto. Live and let live.
    Anyone who canít go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker."
    - George Carlin

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    528

    Default

    Start being your ideal self. Slowly. Do not worry about being fully ideal for now. Even if you get ripped up Prometheus-style tomorrow, you will have lead a more interesting life.

    Quote Originally Posted by rainoneventide View Post
    How do you find some compromise between your ideals and reality?
    Reality wins. Ideals only get you so far. You have to pick up the slack and do the dirty work to come up with the remainder. Take a look at what you want, what the various possibilities are for the situation, and realize that if you do not exercise any of those possibilities then said situation is going to advance slowly if at all.

    Taking a year off will be painful unless you have activities/goals lined up. Goals like 'write a chapter a week' instead of 'write a novel'. Perhaps the problem with taking a year off vs uni is that you will have more time to think. You probably think enough already.

    I think the key to building confidence is doing stuff and accumulating concrete results. Good results are not necessary; it helps just to be able to point to stuff and say 'these events have occurred on my path of awesomeness'.

    I would not sweat the roomate thing. You get to meet a new person, and a friend could turn into a bitch once you are living with them. Plus you can avoid your room somewhat successfully. Library, campus, etc. Having to avoid your room seems bad. But it looks like thats a risk you are going to have to take.

    Also get your thyroid hormone levels checked. People used to tell me I was depressed until we nuked the shit out of my thyroid.

    now if any of that seemed sound to you go try it out. bin the rest.

  3. #3
    Phantonym
    Guest

    Default

    I can relate to what you have said here. And it definitely makes sense. One thing that I can tell you is that you definitely haven't ruined everything and it's not too late.

    I have the curse of perfectionism as well. I haven't had the feeling that it's too late, however I find that I'm constantly picking myself off from the ground, the shapeless puddle in need of some definite identity. And I've been doing that for years on end. Every time I feel like I'm getting closer to that elusive "ideal self", I only find myself sinking even deeper and I have to start all over again. It's frustrating, to say the least.

    Unfortunately I don't have any kind of concrete and useful advice to give. I find that I really do have so much inner strength and that's what helps me to stay focused on the future. That no matter how low I can sink, I can always get up and walk on. I've always had that feeling, despite having some really low moments. Somehow I've managed to keep myself grounded and realistic, without getting my head too high up in the clouds.

    It's good that you want to change. That's what will give you the strength to keep yourself motivated, whatever you decide to do. It is not too late. Start taking small steps to narrow down the things that matter the most to you, start doing one thing at a time, something you've always wanted to do. It's too easy to take on too many things at once and then feel overwhelmed, that way there's a high chance that you might drop all of them. Nothing can improve if you don't start taking some risks.

    Good luck with everything!

  4. #4
    garbage
    Guest

    Default

    Haha, hell no, it's not too late.

    I didn't really start living life and meeting people until after my master's degree. Pretty much all of the friends, activities, and hobbies that I'm involved with now are those that I've met/started within the last year and a half.

    Suffice it to say, it took a long time for things to feel like they came together for me.. but once it did, it was on! And it's been on ever since.

    Know that this doesn't mean that I'm even over my past experiences yet, or that I have it all together. It's a continual process that I apparently still struggle with.

    So, just hang in there! And everything else that everyone here said, too.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Alchemiss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    5w6
    Posts
    106

    Default

    Been there, done that with perfectionism and I'll just say there's life after it! A much richer, more joyous life.

    Perfectionism is about judgment and not discernment. Any time you call yourself dumb or say you've messed up or you just ought to quit you've been hooked. The part you have to excavate is what matters to you, what *your* value system looks like, who *you* are at the core. The judgment is distraction and keeps your true self from shining forth. Judgment is a choice; be it conscious or unconscious. Start observing yourself as objectively as possible (meaning resist the urge to judge the judging if you can) and notice what you choose to tell yourself about the world and about yourself. Over time, you can replace self-judgment with self-acceptance.

  6. #6
    A passer by yvonne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    MBTI
    INfP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    564

    Default

    ^ that was nice.

    i know what you're talking about, too, rainoneventide. it's pretty hard, if you're afraid. i know i still am... but i think it's getting better. don't be afraid to make decisions that feel right to you. as some wise people said before... one step at a time. i want to become myself, also... it's not easy, but it's probably worth it.


  7. #7
    Senior Member Lacey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    401

    Default



    I'm gonna let the wiser ones give the advice, but I just wanted to let you know that I relate.

  8. #8
    Senior Member quietmusician's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4
    Posts
    321

    Default

    I'm going through this now. For me, the best way I deal with things is to take some time and step back from the situation. I close myself off from everything for a few days and just think. And after that I will have more energy and hopefully a tiny portion of positivity to grasp on.

  9. #9
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    INfJ
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    3,456

    Default

    It's never too late to find yourself. Rather than strive for "perfection", strive for excellence in your endeavors. Start off small. You will have much more motivation to achieve goals if you set small realistic ones that lead to a desired end (whatever it may be). Each small step leads to the end.

    One thing for certain, do not beat yourself up over not doing well in something. It's actually counterproductive to motivating yourself. Think of the mishaps/mistakes as a part of learning. I get a bit hard on myself, I admit, a bit of a type A personality, I like to do well in things. It can be difficult dealing with the internal critic, but you just got to tell the internal critic to just eff off.

    And sophomore year is not too late to make friends either! Join a club that shares a common interest with you. What type of interests do you have? What's your major? Perhaps you could find a club that's involved in your major. It's a great way to network with people.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Johari/Nohari

    ‚ÄúThoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.‚ÄĚ
    ‚Äē Friedrich Nietzsche




  10. #10
    Senior Member scortia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    205

    Default

    There's already a lot of good advice in here. Just remember as an NF you're always going to be your own worst judge, so don't be too hard on yourself. A lot of us have had depression and identity issues, it comes along with the NF label for most of us. Don't feel alone with it, each personal failure is a step towards future success. Recognizing what you want to work on and seeing gradual change is what makes us NFs glee. Personal improvement, the greatest thing in the world! Find out what makes you happy, what makes you feel "complete" and focus on it intently and find yourself.

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 17
    Last Post: 09-27-2012, 10:57 AM
  2. IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK!
    By ThatGirl in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 09-21-2011, 09:56 PM
  3. It's never too late, right?
    By Enyo in forum Academics and Careers
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 09-04-2008, 09:09 AM
  4. not sure if you need any more INFPs, but it's too late now
    By Patriot in forum Welcomes and Introductions
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 06-26-2008, 08:40 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO