I'm going to try and be as succinct as possible--I'm taking medication for depression, the medication worked and I'm not as depressed, but this has left me with the realization that my self-esteem has left the premises along with any sort of identity.
I want to change. I want to be that ideal self I see in my mind and that I feel most comfortable with, but I feel as if it's too late.
I'm a sophomore in college and I haven't really made any new friends. I don't know what I'll do next year because I'll feel so dumb rooming with someone I don't know at all again. I almost want to take a year off to work and do some soul searching, but I don't know anymore. That might just make me even more lost than I already am.
I think this may be because of my unbending perfectionism. It's like I haven't done things the way I wanted to do them since I entered college, so now I feel as if I've ruined everything, already.
I have no idea if this makes sense, lol.
But have any NF's had the same experience, the feeling that no matter what you do, it's too late? How do you motivate yourself? How do you find some compromise between your ideals and reality?