[NF] Is it too late?

[yvonne]

"believe in yourself" is very good advice. i'd say believe in yourself, but be aware of others.

 

[rainoneventide]

Oh god, the last few posts reminded me of this song, even though I haven't watched it in like a million years:

[youtube="qwosVBq2TPk"]Believe in yourself![/youtube]

Your posts are helping me a lot, again, thank you so much.
(I'm going to respond to them once I have time to really sit down and focus.)

 

[runvardh]

As long as the blood flows through your viens, your lungs draw breath, and you can still feel pain - it is never too late.

 

[kiddykat]

I'm going to try and be as succinct as possible--I'm taking medication for depression, the medication worked and I'm not as depressed, but this has left me with the realization that my self-esteem has left the premises along with any sort of identity.

I want to change. I want to be that ideal self I see in my mind and that I feel most comfortable with, but I feel as if it's too late.

I'm a sophomore in college and I haven't really made any new friends. I don't know what I'll do next year because I'll feel so dumb rooming with someone I don't know at all again. I almost want to take a year off to work and do some soul searching, but I don't know anymore. That might just make me even more lost than I already am.

I think this may be because of my unbending perfectionism. It's like I haven't done things the way I wanted to do them since I entered college, so now I feel as if I've ruined everything, already.

I have no idea if this makes sense, lol.

But have any NF's had the same experience, the feeling that no matter what you do, it's too late? How do you motivate yourself? How do you find some compromise between your ideals and reality?

Dude, it's never too late. I remember watching a news clip about an old guy who was born at the end of slavery, he's about close to a century old, and HE learned how to read at that time, in which he was never taught to do. 90 something and he STILL could do it!

To answer your question.. How do you start over again? How do you find that motivation? It ALL starts with you, your thoughts, your feelings, your actions.

It's true that our thoughts can lead us into depression. It's like a spiral down effect.

-“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.” – Buddha. Make each moment a worthwhile one. (How I do it is to wake up to each morning as a new opportunity for change. Besides, you don't have any kids, right? So you do have a bit more freedom if you think about it.. good luck).

 

[Coeur]

I think this may be because of my unbending perfectionism. It's like I haven't done things the way I wanted to do them since I entered college, so now I feel as if I've ruined everything, already.

I have no idea if this makes sense, lol.

But have any NF's had the same experience, the feeling that no matter what you do, it's too late? How do you motivate yourself? How do you find some compromise between your ideals and reality?

Ahh, my clone. What helps me is action: know that you're doing the absolute best that you can. Don't let there be any 'could have been better"s. Is your best test grade a B, for example? Then be proud of that B because it is YOUR best. Could you have studied harder? Maybe, but you didn't. Perhaps under the conditions it WAS your best at the time.

Don't try to reach something; work with what's there. You haven't ruined anything.

 

[1487610420]

Cafe Dharma Video Page

If you find any of his words interesting/useful, you can find more on his site or youtube account

 

[Iriohm]

I'm going to try and be as succinct as possible--I'm taking medication for depression, the medication worked and I'm not as depressed, but this has left me with the realization that my self-esteem has left the premises along with any sort of identity.

I want to change. I want to be that ideal self I see in my mind and that I feel most comfortable with, but I feel as if it's too late.

I'm a sophomore in college and I haven't really made any new friends. I don't know what I'll do next year because I'll feel so dumb rooming with someone I don't know at all again. I almost want to take a year off to work and do some soul searching, but I don't know anymore. That might just make me even more lost than I already am.

I think this may be because of my unbending perfectionism. It's like I haven't done things the way I wanted to do them since I entered college, so now I feel as if I've ruined everything, already.

I have no idea if this makes sense, lol.

But have any NF's had the same experience, the feeling that no matter what you do, it's too late? How do you motivate yourself? How do you find some compromise between your ideals and reality?

Stars. Above. That makes pristine sense, and I can relate. Commence Operation...Booster Shot.

You're not useless. You're an INFP: a refinery of moral value, an earthbound angel, the epitome of imperfect perfection. Do you hear that little voice in your brain, telling you you're not good enough? Crush it. The mind is the biggest obstacle in reformation, and the key lies in realizing it's all in your head; there is nothing physically stopping you from walking straight up to that roommate of yours and asking their opinion on whether Einstein had a secret life collecting exotic bats. I take daily walks through my neighborhood, and, despite my introversion (one of my strongest flaws), fell into the habit of knocking on the doors of complete strangers to tell them they'd left their garages opened (which happens way too often).

That got me arrested, because some people apparently react poorly to a frizzy-haired stranger wearing black and carrying a large wooden pole in one hand (my walking stick) telling them to lock up their house after the sun goes down, but you know what? I was arrested. Big deal. What matters is that I tried, and that I'm here today telling you an interesting and entirely true story that could help you with your problems.

Try not to think so much in black-and-white terms. Life is fluid: there are never endings, only beginnings, and you can never fail, only fail a bit more. When you're down, get up and do better. Laugh in the face of whoever tells you it can't be done, but also pity them; they only attack your dreams because they've given up on theirs.

Emotion tempered with logic; become the line separating your idealism from reality. Hold no misconceptions that they'll be anything like each other, but strive for a perfect world all the same. Listen to music, write poetry, rise above the chains of society and realize that there are no limits to what you can do, if only you have the courage to try.

Reread my opening statement. My "voice" told me that before I started writing, but what if I had listened to it? Here I am, opening myself up for judgment to the masses in the hopes that what I say will help but one person. You.

I'll be your friend, Rain, if you'd like. I have aspirations for gathering together an elite group of INs (and possibly other, similar types) in an effort to make the world a safer place for us, and, though it's mostly in the conceptual stage at the moment, everything needs to start somewhere. Stand with me, Rain. Stand against the world, and mark my words: that world will change, if I have to die seeing it happen.

Mission Complete. Operation Booster Shot...success?

In short, don't kill yourself striving for ridiculously high goals, but don't stop moving either. Never stop moving. Mid-twenties, are you? You have enough time, even if you take small steps. Look at this picture for reference.

See all those stones at the bottom? Small achievements are the base upon which bigger ones are built, and if you keep building for long enough, you might just have an Eighth Wonder of the World on your hands. Hopefully, by now, I've inspired you into what I have come to call an IN "frenzy". In the even that you didn't already know this: there is power in that feeling, but it doesn't "keep" very well long term. Just keep reminding yourself of the things I wrote about, make it a habit even, and you'll do just fine.

I'm done now. If none of this helps, here, at least, is a bit of idealist "nonsense" to cheer you up.

 

[Alchemiss]

I saw these quotes this morning and thought of you. How are you doing?

"Your journey has molded you for your greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don't think that you've lost time. There is no short-cutting to life. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is right on time."

-- Asha Tyson

"The next message you need is right where you are."

-- Ram Dass

 

[phoenix13]

I'm going to try and be as succinct as possible--I'm taking medication for depression, the medication worked and I'm not as depressed, but this has left me with the realization that my self-esteem has left the premises along with any sort of identity.

I want to change. I want to be that ideal self I see in my mind and that I feel most comfortable with, but I feel as if it's too late.

I'm a sophomore in college and I haven't really made any new friends. I don't know what I'll do next year because I'll feel so dumb rooming with someone I don't know at all again. I almost want to take a year off to work and do some soul searching, but I don't know anymore. That might just make me even more lost than I already am.

I think this may be because of my unbending perfectionism. It's like I haven't done things the way I wanted to do them since I entered college, so now I feel as if I've ruined everything, already.

I have no idea if this makes sense, lol.

But have any NF's had the same experience, the feeling that no matter what you do, it's too late? How do you motivate yourself? How do you find some compromise between your ideals and reality?

I'm glad you've sought help for your depression. IT'S NOT TOO LATE, DAMN IT!!! That sense of hopelessness may also be a symptom of depression. There's a tendency to engage in all-or-nothing thinking, where you're either the awesomest person in the universe, or an utter failure with nothing to offer the world. There's also a tendency to be irrationally negative (having thoughts like: I can’t do anything right; since this person criticized me, he hates me; since that person doesn’t like me, I’m unlikable). Just recognize these thoughts for what they are, and continue counceling and treatment to get rid of them. If you want to talk to someone who's struggled with the same thing, please send me a message.

Btw, my latest bout of depression happened a few months ago, and I ended up skipping 2 weeks of class in medical school. Do you know how severe that is? I got help and managed to pass my exams, so even then, it wasn't too late. It's only too late if you don't get help, which you have, so the outlook is good for you.

EDIT: One last thing, if you have any artistic tendencies, be sure to indulge them. It's therapeutic to express what you're feeling, and often the art you end up making is beautiful, something you can feel good about.

 

[rainoneventide]

(I've read everybody's posts, gah you have no idea how helpful/inspirational they are. Sorry if I don't reply to everyone/butcher your posts a little, I'd exhaust myself if I tried responding to everything.)

Better late than never.

Yeah very true, I like the simplicity of that statement... this is pretty obvious, but I tend to over think things to the max, lol.

rainoneventide, just the fact that you want to be a better you & you aren't in denial is a good sign & proof its not too late. You may think you're far from your mark but remember the judgmental perfectionist nature that's making that so overwhelming right now will adjust when you're in a better place. I'm betting you aren't seeing the truth about yourself.

That's a good point, and I remember my counselor saying something along those same lines when I came to him while I was still depressed. For me and probably a lot of people out there who have depression, just getting up and taking a shower is a big accomplishment, but then I start comparing my life to the people's around me and chide myself for being so content over things that seem relatively trivial (like going outside and taking a walk, getting up and going to class, etc.).

since everyone has responded.. what do you want to do now?
step 1. stay in college (which you've posted)
step 2. what now?

Everything's still kind of vague, but I'm definitely going to keep coming back to this thread to read over things as a reminder. Like a lot of people here have recommended, I'm going to try writing more because it's something I really enjoy/find satisfaction in, and stay busy--busy as in doing things I enjoy and trying to keep myself from sliding into that dark, dismal rut.

what i'd do in your situation would be that i'd ask myself what i wanted... then move to that direction. do you really want to take a year off, do you have plans? is something unresolved you think you could resolve taking a year off?... or is it just a way out of something you could actually find another way out off/in?

i've also found it's hard sometimes balancing with your expectations and ideals and the reality/ probabilities. i think taking it step by step and giving yourself some kind of timelines and smaller objectives helps. it always helps to remember that at some point you are going to end up hitting your head on a wall. it's all about believing that it isn't the end of the world... risks have to be taken in order to create change...

good luck!!

Yeah, I thought about it and I found that the only reason I'd want to take a year off is to run away from all the responsibility, because there's a part of me that believes I'll suck at everything anyway, which is freaking dumb... so I'm going to college next year, lol. That escapist attitude has seriously debilitated me.

Thank you! Baby steps is a really good idea. I'll find that I put off everything and then when I'm finally willing to move forward, I'm overwhelmed by all my fears and stress all at once. Definitely need to remind myself to take small, steady portions... like eating, lol.

Stars. Above. That makes pristine sense, and I can relate. Commence Operation...Booster Shot.

You're not useless. You're an INFP: a refinery of moral value, an earthbound angel, the epitome of imperfect perfection. Do you hear that little voice in your brain, telling you you're not good enough? Crush it. The mind is the biggest obstacle in reformation, and the key lies in realizing it's all in your head; there is nothing physically stopping you from walking straight up to that roommate of yours and asking their opinion on whether Einstein had a secret life collecting exotic bats. I take daily walks through my neighborhood, and, despite my introversion (one of my strongest flaws), fell into the habit of knocking on the doors of complete strangers to tell them they'd left their garages opened (which happens way too often).

I'll be your friend, Rain, if you'd like. I have aspirations for gathering together an elite group of INs (and possibly other, similar types) in an effort to make the world a safer place for us, and, though it's mostly in the conceptual stage at the moment, everything needs to start somewhere. Stand with me, Rain. Stand against the world, and mark my words: that world will change, if I have to die seeing it happen.

Hopefully, by now, I've inspired you into what I have come to call an IN "frenzy". In the even that you didn't already know this: there is power in that feeling, but it doesn't "keep" very well long term. Just keep reminding yourself of the things I wrote about, make it a habit even, and you'll do just fine.

Thank you, that's really inspiration/motivating. It really is weird how I project the things floating around my mind into reality. But here's the thing: If I decide to be confident in who I am, I immediately get this feeling that I'm losing touch with reality and floating off into happy unicorn land (a habit that I'm very aware of), so then I purposefully try and staunch things. I monitor myself. But I'm going about things the wrong way because my ideals also make up the person who I am. It sounds embarrassingly stereotypical of an INFP, but I can't function if I don't feel as if I'm following some meaningful, productive path. My idea of meaningful and productive is being true to myself in even the most minute ways, and to enrich my life through those experiences, like with your example of telling people to shut their garage doors. So then I just shut myself down. (Again, no idea if any of this makes sense.)

Then we get back to the root of the problem--I'm afraid of what people think and I'm a perfectionist. Feels like a catch-22.

So your posts are definitely helping, need to read them more often.

(And of course I'd like to be friends!)

Lol I don't want to stand against the world, I'd probably die of exhaustion after the first minute. I just want to find my own metaphorical little niche to be confident in and protect.

Wtf that's an awesome phrase, "the IN frenzy." I get those a lot (like now) but I never defined it as anything besides me randomly getting gung ho over something for a short amount of time. Wish I could capture that feeling and put it in a little bottle, I'd be a ton more productive.

(Saved that pic by the way, so freaking cute.)

I saw these quotes this morning and thought of you. How are you doing?

I really like those, gonna save them in my little "quotes" Notepad file (just so you know, lol). Things haven't doing too well because of my poor performance in school, but I'm working on it and it's getting a lot better. Reading these posts makes me feel a ton better, too.

I'm glad you've sought help for your depression. IT'S NOT TOO LATE, DAMN IT!!! That sense of hopelessness may also be a symptom of depression. There's a tendency to engage in all-or-nothing thinking, where you're either the awesomest person in the universe, or an utter failure with nothing to offer the world. There's also a tendency to be irrationally negative (having thoughts like: I can’t do anything right; since this person criticized me, he hates me; since that person doesn’t like me, I’m unlikable). Just recognize these thoughts for what they are, and continue counceling and treatment to get rid of them. If you want to talk to someone who's struggled with the same thing, please send me a message.

Btw, my latest bout of depression happened a few months ago, and I ended up skipping 2 weeks of class in medical school. Do you know how severe that is? I got help and managed to pass my exams, so even then, it wasn't too late. It's only too late if you don't get help, which you have, so the outlook is good for you.

EDIT: One last thing, if you have any artistic tendencies, be sure to indulge them. It's therapeutic to express what you're feeling, and often the art you end up making is beautiful, something you can feel good about.

Agh yeah, I tend to do that like it's second nature, but I've been catching it more often. It's a lot of work monitoring all my thoughts though, I mean I'll literally feel exhausted by the end of the day. But I've found that it's worth it--it's like exorcising a demon from my brain, or something. And I'd love to talk more with you about it, maybe you could give me more advice on what you do to combat the depression.

Wow, that's really good you were able to get through that. The same thing has actually happened to me--I stopped taking my medication near the end of the year because I thought I didn't need it anymore, but the depression slipped in so naturally, and before I knew it I'd skipped a ton of classes and was way behind (I still am, actually). I had to drop a class for the first time, freaking scary. It's getting better though, and it's taught me a good lesson.

Yeah, I've found that I feel a ton better when I'm pursuing my artistic interests. What spoils it is again my perfectionism, but I'm working on it. :]

 

[yvonne]

what helped me, just recently, was just accepting who i am, but not fretting about people who were different. live and let live.

 

[Alchemiss]

...
Yeah, I've found that I feel a ton better when I'm pursuing my artistic interests. What spoils it is again my perfectionism, but I'm working on it. :]

Here's another quote for you. This is from Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way Every Day.

February 3

Question: What would I do if I didn't have to do it perfectly?
Answer: A great deal more than I am.

We've all heard that the unexamined life is not worth living, but consider too that the unlived life is not worth examining. The success of a creative recovery hinges on our ability to move out of the head and into action. This brings us squarely to risk. Most of us are practiced at talking ourselves out of risk. We are skilled speculators on the probable pain of self-exposure. We deny that in order to do something well we must first be willing to do it badly. Once we are willing to accept that anything worth doing might even be worth doing badly our options widen.

 

[Pandar]

I am in college as well and have no motivation. It's like everyone else wants me there. Sure I realize college is good, but I have always been pressured to succeed and I just to be on my own so I can make my own decisions.

I think some time off would be good. Make a commitment to go back though, college is important in the long run. Do like a semester off or something, no more than a year. That might help, I am thinking of doing it myself.

 

[Betty Blue]

I'm going to try and be as succinct as possible--I'm taking medication for depression, the medication worked and I'm not as depressed, but this has left me with the realization that my self-esteem has left the premises along with any sort of identity.

I want to change. I want to be that ideal self I see in my mind and that I feel most comfortable with, but I feel as if it's too late.

I'm a sophomore in college and I haven't really made any new friends. I don't know what I'll do next year because I'll feel so dumb rooming with someone I don't know at all again. I almost want to take a year off to work and do some soul searching, but I don't know anymore. That might just make me even more lost than I already am.

I think this may be because of my unbending perfectionism. It's like I haven't done things the way I wanted to do them since I entered college, so now I feel as if I've ruined everything, already.

I have no idea if this makes sense, lol.

But have any NF's had the same experience, the feeling that no matter what you do, it's too late? How do you motivate yourself? How do you find some compromise between your ideals and reality?

Chin up, here's a song for you.

[YOUTUBE="WlBiLNN1NhQ"]Bright side[/YOUTUBE]

 

[yvonne]

"I want to change. I want to be that ideal self I see in my mind and that I feel most comfortable with, but I feel as if it's too late."

this makes me think about something... i think it's a life long process...

i don't know if what i've said will help you at all, but i hope you'll find some kind of peace of mind.

take, or leave what i've said. you're the only one who knows what's best for you.

 

[pyramid]

I want to change.

Don't let sincerity and intensity fuel your depression. Use it to make yourself and other people feel good. Use medications if you will, but most of the time there is no substance stronger than you for proactively fighting sadness (and You is inexpensive, free, efficient, feels unlike anything else). INFPs are some of the most kindhearted people I know. I also watch it go unnoticed frequently.

The reality-ideals balance is a large part of understanding your own typology. There is a language to how you interpret the world. NFs are prone to knowing the world in abstract or fantastical terms. This is not to say you aren't rational or logical, but you must find the balance between the way you like to look at things because it's easiest and best for you, and what you have accepted as reality or known truth.

As far as taking time off, I would normally advise to steadily continue pursuing goals, but I know the immeasurable benefit of taking a breather to understand what you already know. To make a wise decision about your own circumstances, ask yourself, Do you need to intake more info about your current state or do you need time to sort the overflow?

Perfectionism? Is it too late? Motivation? hehe..

Now and zen you goof again
You never blow your trip forever..

 

[Malkaro]

It always feels like it`s either too soon or too late.
But,it isn`t.Of that I am sure.
Hope will return.Never give up!