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  1. #11
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gamine View Post
    That other thread got crazy, so I wanted to send some love directly to the ENFPs, the charming, gushy and delightful creatures you are!

    We've likely all experienced it on either side; not knowing how deep a relationship should be following what we perceived to be a deep connection/not realizing that the other person perceived something as more significant than we did. At the end of the day, we have a difference in both communication and values. The joys of being human and flawed

    To take a previous OP and reword it into a different structure:

    Situation:

    There are types (or just people) who love connecting with people. These connections can be created through something deeply emotional (skipping smalltalk and jumping straight into something more personal) or devastatingly intellectual (gosh, ideas are sexy, aren't they?).

    Questions:

    1) With these high intensity - low commitment interactions, what is really happening?

    2) Is there anything morally wrong with connecting with people on a deep personal/intellectual level and not following up with a relationship of some sort? Would this be better depicted by shades of grey rather than black and white, and if so, how would it be measured?

    3) How is this being perceived by the stakeholders in this situation? (The person who is seeking and creating these interactions, the person being interacted with)

    4) How can we build a shared vocabulary and social construct to deal with the confusion the consequences of these missed communications create? How can someone set up boundaries to make it clear to others what they are willing and unwilling to participate in?

    5) Is there value in these sudden, seemingly more personally invested, interactions? Should we condition those around us to stop engaging in them for the sake of self-protectionism?
    Why me!!!! :O
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

  2. #12
    in-game Gamine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rainbows View Post
    Why me!!!! :O
    Because you are my dangerous weapon babe!
    "Beware Those Who Are ALWAYS READING BOOKS" - Bukowski

  3. #13
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Perfect thanks

    Well maybe it's just me (I'm an ENFP in theory btw) but I never really had this problem I think. Maybe because I'm kinda standoffish even in my way of being friendly. Actually I just thought about it and guidy...I think people just really get the idea that I'm a fiercely independent person when they first meet me, for the most part.

    I think this is akin with that "flirting problem" some ENFPs seem to have that I just don't. It's the actual interaction style. I'm not giddy about meeting someone for the first time. I can be interested, but I won't be all happy and smiley because I find it forced. I mean...I just don't know this person. For all I know he's a rapist who likes boys.

    But my advice to people A who have this problem is to simply change nothing. What exactly constitutes "leaving" anyway...therein lies the answer. Because people get I'm independent they don't even dare assume I owe them anything.


    EDIT:

    Actually people A shouldn't change anything PROVIDED they are always honest with the other person, and don't fake niceness or closeness or interest in any way. If you find yourself being nice to someone when you are having a nice day out of obligation or something...just stop.

  4. #14
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    yay! I will get those enfps!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

  5. #15
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gamine View Post
    That other thread got crazy, so I wanted to send some love directly to the ENFPs, the charming, gushy and delightful creatures you are!

    We've likely all experienced it on either side; not knowing how deep a relationship should be following what we perceived to be a deep connection/not realizing that the other person perceived something as more significant than we did. At the end of the day, we have a difference in both communication and values. The joys of being human and flawed

    To take a previous OP and reword it into a different structure:

    Situation:

    There are types (or just people) who love connecting with people. These connections can be created through something deeply emotional (skipping smalltalk and jumping straight into something more personal) or devastatingly intellectual (gosh, ideas are sexy, aren't they?).

    Questions:

    1) With these high intensity - low commitment interactions, what is really happening?

    2) Is there anything morally wrong with connecting with people on a deep personal/intellectual level and not following up with a relationship of some sort? Would this be better depicted by shades of grey rather than black and white, and if so, how would it be measured?

    3) How is this being perceived by the stakeholders in this situation? (The person who is seeking and creating these interactions, the person being interacted with)

    4) How can we build a shared vocabulary and social construct to deal with the confusion the consequences of these missed communications create? How can someone set up boundaries to make it clear to others what they are willing and unwilling to participate in?

    5) Is there value in these sudden, seemingly more personally invested, interactions? Should we condition those around us to stop engaging in them for the sake of self-protectionism?
    Damn you ROUX! You said it sooo much better than I did in my OP in the other thread. I was tired and didn't feel like taking the time to work out my thoughts more. After reading your OP in this thread, I've gotta tell you that you hit the nail on the head.

    And, I very much appreciate your kind words about ENFPs. Charming, gushy and delightful. Great description. If I can live up to these attributes, I've done very well indeed.


  6. #16
    in-game Gamine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    I think this is akin with that "flirting problem" some ENFPs seem to have that I just don't. It's the actual interaction style. I'm not giddy about meeting someone for the first time. I can be interested, but I won't be all happy and smiley because I find it forced. I mean...I just don't know this person. For all I know he's a rapist who likes boys.

    Actually people A shouldn't change anything PROVIDED they are always honest with the other person, and don't fake niceness or closeness or interest in any way. If you find yourself being nice to someone when you are having a nice day out of obligation or something...just stop.
    I'm liking the thought processes in the bolded parts.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rainbows View Post
    yay! I will get those enfps!!!
    How would a Rainbow attack ENFPs?



    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    Damn you ROUX!

    No worries my friend, that's what this place is for right? Creating bridges of understanding, not being arses to each other. I just hope some people from that thread will come play in here as well, with things being reordered. Glad I understood what you meant!!
    "Beware Those Who Are ALWAYS READING BOOKS" - Bukowski

  7. #17
    Senior Member nynesneg's Avatar
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    Here's a thought provoking question to add to the mix for all you ENFxs...

    As you become more aware of this innate longing you have to connect with people on a deep level... do you ever feel guilty, or second guess your motives?

    Example. I naturally can foster a conversation to connect with just about anybody, and they feel understood... I just love hearing different perspectives on life! As well as healing people, feeling close to them, and catching a glimpse of their soul if I'm extremely privileged. However sometimes I wonder if I'm connecting with them because I so thoroughly enjoy the experience - not necessarily the person themselves, even though they are very special as well.

    So I try to keep very aware of my motives...
    3w2


    Those who are content being normal lack the depth and passion to rise above mediocracy.
    To push beyond their natural abilities and create a reality from their dreams.

  8. #18
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    I completely enjoy the experience and I admit that to myself. Do I see anything wrong with that? Not really. The person feels understand, can vent, maybe gain self-confidence and I am able to do what i enjoy doing. Its a mutualistic relationship.

    What I feel bad about is how hypocritical I am about it. People open up to me all the time, but they rarely see the inside of my heart and soul. I am too afraid that they will find it weird or way too intense and only a couple of people in my life have reached that point. Do I find something wrong with that? Kind of. Am I doing anything about it? No.

    This post may come off a bit rough so sorry for not sugar coating it, however, I think it will be easier for us to understand why we do things if we can just put it all out there without worrying about being blown to bits and this thread seems very positive so far.

  9. #19
    Happy Dancer uumlau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by No Exit View Post
    Also in relation to Number 2

    I would consider that maybe the person in question is lonely or longing for some kind of deep connection.. If they meet someone who seems to get right inside them immediately .. It might seem almost magical or fated..
    This of course is the problem(?) of the other person and not the ENFPs in question ..
    But we should always try to be aware of the effect we are having on people.

    And as Fi dom intuits.. Shouldn't it be almost obvious??
    ^^^ This.

    As I've become more social, my whole Fi side has become more robust w/r to the emotional ups and downs of meeting people. It's very easy for someone who has been lonely to latch onto the first person who comes along and makes a difference in one's life.

    In the case of the ENFP being really friendly, it isn't the ENFP's fault, it's just a different mode of operation.

    Especially in the dancing world, one way it was described to me is that dancers just naturally flirt more than most people. It's just how it is. It isn't wrong, it's just part of the culture. Once it's clear that "just flirting" isn't "really flirting" it all makes sense. It's a way to have fun, and express affection, without having to deal with the problems of a "wink and a smile" being interpreted as its being time to "put a ring on it." Also, once that's clear, it's a way to be friendly with many people, and get the feel of many people, without having to get serious.

    And once that's clear, it's really quite fulfilling (in a shallow way) to have the ladies squeal with delight when I ask them to dance.

    We express appreciation for each other without devoting ourselves to each other. I think this is a good thing.


    [I am an INTJ, and I approve this message.]

  10. #20
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    ^I don't personally. It's not only shallow but fake. Flirting...will never understand it really.

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