User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 21

  1. #1
    Senior Member Quiet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    5
    Posts
    321

    Default Seeking Feedback for Stress Relief.

    Hello everyone,

    My name's Quiet, and I am a fairly new member to Typology Central. I have a bit of a story of which I won't delve into in complete detail, but I'll share just enough for you to get the point. Basically, I am interested in gathering your thoughts, opinions etc. (whatever you want to add), so that I can continue to collect facts and information to help me along in my journey...

    I will start with a question about INFJ's:

    If one takes into account the nature verses nurture approach, would an INFJ need to be from a loving and supportive family background? I am not necessarily sold on this idea, but it has some reasonable evidence...

    In truth, I am struggling here with a bit of an identity crisis. I am considering undergoing hypnotherapy to help me deal with some of my troubles because I struggle a lot with motivation and confidence. I did not have the smoothest childhood upon reflection, but despite this, I always cared a lot about people and have always guaged my identity through how others see me and need me to be. Whenever I am in contact with another, my main focus is on the other person, and who I need to present myself as being, in order to maintain a pleasant and harmonious interaction. I enjoy connection and can always tell somehow what is going on in another. I feel at peace somehow while doing this, because it keeps my own inner self private, while still maintaining some form of growth and learning in the process. And, although I pass some strong judgments during, I keep them to myself mainly because I am aware that they are generally, none of my business unless I am sensing someone might need help. I always want to be supportive, and I often feel guilty for thinking badly of others. As it stands, I am by far own harshest critic, and still base my own self worth and identity on how others view me...

    Yet on the flip side, I think that deep within me, a rebel screams to tell the world a whole lot of hurt and angry words. I don't really bother paying too much attention to this side though, because it's all been done before. It makes me uncomfortable reflecting on negativity, and for the most part, my mood is fairly nuetral unless there is some external influence that I come into contact with. Sometimes being with others where my energy feels so focussed, I end up feeling tapped and dispondant, and need my reflective alone time to regain balance. I suppose this is me during my natural state, but lately there has been some outside influences in my life, that have been proving to be quiet stressful...

    I believe I tend to slip into a shadow state, and suspect I am there right now to some degree. I tend to shut of F and go into an "automatic pilot" mode, and turn up my Ti and Te to get me through the day. Logic and buckling down with taking care of business seems to be the dominant drive, yet drive and motivation are what I seem to be lacking so much. I feel so tired, and somehow numb. I understand situational depression lifts after the external stress has gone, but while I'm experiencing this, my anxiety winds up tight inside of me, yet I implode it so I don't show anything externally. I feel such a strong need to maintain control at all times, and am becoming detail focussed and nit picky. It is adding another "fail" to my already low confidence, and I'm really struggling to keep this up. I am considering my lack of ability to deal with stress and conflict to be attributed to a lack of support and affirmation when I was young, but I need to develope some skills to overcome it, and I need to learn them in a way that makes sense to me, and that I can understand how to pick up and put into action. I have tried cognitive behavioral therapy before, but just found I felt like I was living a lie, and I think I might need something different.

    I didn't expect this OP to be so long, so I don't mind if most of you gave up reading this and found it difficult to follow. I am in need though, of any members who might understand this place I am in, and feel comfortable enough to make suggestions or offer any feedback that comes to mind. Thanks in advance,

    Quiet.

  2. #2
    A passer by yvonne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    MBTI
    INfP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    564

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Quiet View Post
    I understand situational depression lifts after the external stress has gone, but while I'm experiencing this, my anxiety winds up tight inside of me, yet I implode it so I don't show anything externally. I feel such a strong need to maintain control at all times, and am becoming detail focussed and nit picky. It is adding another "fail" to my already low confidence, and I'm really struggling to keep this up.
    that was a good point about situational depression. are you having a hard time in your life right now?

    do you have someone you can trust your innermost feelings to? i got the impression from your post that you are a good listener, but do you yourself have someone you can talk to? do you wish to talk about your thoughts/ problems with someone?

    don't be too hard on yourself, even though i know it's easier said than done... but why do you think you have low confidence? is it because it's hard for you to forgive yourself?

    i hope i can help in some way.

  3. #3
    is an ambi-turner BRMC117's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    3w2
    Posts
    841

    Default

    I have the same problem as you, well did. What really helped me was finding what I wanted to do with my life. it wasnt easy and took 22 years but it was worth the wait. Also find someone that you can talk to and tell ANYTHING not just what you want them to know but EVERYTHING. Be it your best friend or a parent, just somebody.
    Im not saying that you are but, I felt the same way you did untill I came out. If you have something sitting on your chest its hard to move about everyone as normal. Hope I helped, If you ever want to talk you can send me a PM!
    "I put the fires out."
    "you made them worse."
    "worse...or better?"

  4. #4
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    11,081

    Default

    It sounds like you are a very typical INFJ. As you continue maturing, I think you'll find it easier to find suitable ways of expressing the negative sides of yourself or your frustrations without it being dammed up or imploding. I find that the best help for me is having someone that I can trust to vent to a little bit. I don't need a ton of people that I can be real with, but certainly there need to be some who I feel can take me at my worst, blow away the chaff and keep the good stuff. I've also found that exercise is a good way of releasing the physical tension that comes with held in stress (my shoulders and jaw usually are a mess when I am very stressed). Everything you are talking about sounds like a regular part of the process of figuring yourself out as an INFJ and learning to tweak what isn't working. Sometimes I have held too much in and then sometimes the dam bursts, which shocks or hurts some of the innocent bystanders who didn't suspect there was anything going on. Release it little by little and make your needs known sometimes and you will find yourself on a much more even keel.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Quiet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    5
    Posts
    321

    Default

    yvonne

    that was a good point about situational depression. are you having a hard time in your life right now?

    do you have someone you can trust your innermost feelings to? i got the impression from your post that you are a good listener, but do you yourself have someone you can talk to? do you wish to talk about your thoughts/ problems with someone?

    don't be too hard on yourself, even though i know it's easier said than done... but why do you think you have low confidence? is it because it's hard for you to forgive yourself?

    i hope i can help in some way.


    Thanks Yvonne, for your kind words, and yes I am having a hard time right now with a few aspects in my life. I tend to feel shame though when I find I am not measuring up to my own high standards for coping and doing everything right. Although I understand how normal this is for everyone (and I would be very understanding and non judgmental towards another who was going through the same thing), I simply cannot put that sense of kindnes towards myself. This really bothers me, and holds me back. I need to find out where this all stems from.

    BRMC117

    I have the same problem as you, well did. What really helped me was finding what I wanted to do with my life. it wasnt easy and took 22 years but it was worth the wait. Also find someone that you can talk to and tell ANYTHING not just what you want them to know but EVERYTHING. Be it your best friend or a parent, just somebody.
    Im not saying that you are but, I felt the same way you did untill I came out. If you have something sitting on your chest its hard to move about everyone as normal. Hope I helped, If you ever want to talk you can send me a PM!


    Indeed this is part of my problem. I am currently working for healthcare and going to school to get my degree in psychology. I knew it would be hard when I first decided to take this rout, but my desire for a secure and fulfilling future was a strong drive to take the leap. I am finding that with studying psych, I am dealing with I am now needing to try and fine tune a direction for specified study. I am feeling anxious about making a decision, because I am afraid of maybe making a mistake. Thanks for your invitation to PM you, I just might take you up on that.


    fidelia

    It sounds like you are a very typical INFJ. As you continue maturing, I think you'll find it easier to find suitable ways of expressing the negative sides of yourself or your frustrations without it being dammed up or imploding. I find that the best help for me is having someone that I can trust to vent to a little bit. I don't need a ton of people that I can be real with, but certainly there need to be some who I feel can take me at my worst, blow away the chaff and keep the good stuff. I've also found that exercise is a good way of releasing the physical tension that comes with held in stress (my shoulders and jaw usually are a mess when I am very stressed). Everything you are talking about sounds like a regular part of the process of figuring yourself out as an INFJ and learning to tweak what isn't working. Sometimes I have held too much in and then sometimes the dam bursts, which shocks or hurts some of the innocent bystanders who didn't suspect there was anything going on. Release it little by little and make your needs known sometimes and you will find yourself on a much more even keel.


    Yes, the physical tension is very true for me as well. My shoulders are often tight and strained and I do have a hard time physically relaxing. Taking time to just relax always brings with it a sense of wasting time, and I find I am uncomfortable with just lounging about. I know I can enjoy a balance of duty and relaxation when I feel I can manage my life.

    I do have two friends I can talk to about things, but often times it's just so difficult to word things to them in such a way that makes sense out loud. It is really so much easier to write it down, but the guilt I feel for burdening others is still there. I fear sharing my pains, concerns and insecurities with others because I see it as a sign of weakness in myself, and am sure others see me as weak also, for not being able to perform and handle life. I believe it takes a lot of trust in myself first, to be able to chose the right words at the right time, when I am not used to opening up. I fear being misunderstood and am thinking it might just be best to talk to a professional, rather than burdening a friend. I know I sound neurotic, lol but even posting this much feels like a risk. I appreciate all your responses, they have all helped me very much so far.

  6. #6
    A passer by yvonne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    MBTI
    INfP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    564

    Default

    i am also neurotic and a perfectionist in some ways. although i realize that dwelling on that isn't helping, i can't help but fall into that rut at times.

    hey, life's a b**** at times, haha. i have issues with embarrassment, also. what helps me is that i can call one friend (or vent online, haha)... and then i take it step by step. i ask myself what is bothering me and i take action. i also remind myself that my life is first and foremost about my survival. i can't be of any use to anyone, if i can't take care of myself.



    hope you'll feel better.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Quiet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    5
    Posts
    321

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by yvonne View Post
    i am also neurotic and a perfectionist in some ways. although i realize that dwelling on that isn't helping, i can't help but fall into that rut at times.

    hey, life's a b**** at times, haha. i have issues with embarrassment, also. what helps me is that i can call one friend (or vent online, haha)... and then i take it step by step. i ask myself what is bothering me and i take action. i also remind myself that my life is first and foremost about my survival. i can't be of any use to anyone, if i can't take care of myself.



    hope you'll feel better.



    Thanks again Yvonne. Yes, writing this all out online has proven to be helpful so far. It's affirming at the very least, to know that I can be heard and understood, despite my OP being rather vague and cryptic.

  8. #8
    Symbolic Herald Vasilisa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    4,128

    Default

    Hey, Quiet Do you think being of service to others would be able to get you out of your own head and personal frustrations? Even if your employment situation can't be changed, there are ways to volunteer. Do you have any thoughts on this? I mention this, not because I'm feeling holy, but because I personally find that one of the best ways to get out of my own personal pity party is to lend some of that special INFJ counsel/compassion to someone who could really value it. Maybe you feel you are too stressed to take this on. And of course, INFJs can get compassion-fatigue, but I find that happens more in my personal relationships. But there are people you can positively impact just the way you are, and doing that can be a big confidence boost and make some of that built up doubt and disgust drain away.
    the formless thing which gives things form!
    Found Forum Haiku Project


    Positive Spin | your feedback welcomed | Darker Criticism

  9. #9
    Senior Member Quiet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    5
    Posts
    321

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Vasilisa View Post
    Hey, Quiet Do you think being of service to others would be able to get you out of your own head and personal frustrations? Even if your employment situation can't be changed, there are ways to volunteer. Do you have any thoughts on this? I mention this, not because I'm feeling holy, but because I personally find that one of the best ways to get out of my own personal pity party is to lend some of that special INFJ counsel/compassion to someone who could really value it. Maybe you feel you are too stressed to take this on. And of course, INFJs can get compassion-fatigue, but I find that happens more in my personal relationships. But there are people you can positively impact just the way you are, and doing that can be a big confidence boost and make some of that built up doubt and disgust drain away.
    Hello Vasilisa,

    I do actually experience some escape from my own reality when I'm at work. I deal with individuals who are paliative and those struggling with dementia. It is a high burnout profession, but usually very rewarding, relaxing and peaceful for me somehow. Work does help, thanks for the suggestions and I'd be interested in volunteer work at a later time when my schedule opens up a bit.

  10. #10
    Symbolic Herald Vasilisa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    4,128

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Quiet View Post
    Hello Vasilisa,

    I do actually experience some escape from my own reality when I'm at work. I deal with individuals who are paliative and those struggling with dementia. It is a high burnout profession, but usually very rewarding, relaxing and peaceful for me somehow. Work does help, thanks for the suggestions and I'd be interested in volunteer work at a later time when my schedule opens up a bit.
    Wow, Quiet. I'm impressed.

    For the day-to-day stress have you ever tried that rescue remedy stuff? How about meditation?
    the formless thing which gives things form!
    Found Forum Haiku Project


    Positive Spin | your feedback welcomed | Darker Criticism

Similar Threads

  1. [INFJ] Seeking feedback from outside the confines of INFJ thinking
    By Z Buck McFate in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 39
    Last Post: 06-05-2010, 03:37 PM
  2. Self Analysis and conclusions - seeking feedback.
    By TenebrousReflection in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 12-21-2008, 01:07 PM
  3. [ISFJ] Support for Stressed ISFJ
    By Buds of May in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 05-22-2008, 04:02 PM
  4. Microsoft seeks patent for office 'spy' software
    By heart in forum Science, Technology, and Future Tech
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 01-21-2008, 01:02 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO