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  1. #11
    Senior Member Quiet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vasilisa View Post
    Wow, Quiet. I'm impressed.

    For the day-to-day stress have you ever tried that rescue remedy stuff? How about meditation?

    The rescue remedy stuff in the form of a spa treatment, a pedicure or fine bottle of wine?

    Well, I have been thinking about getting a pedicure soon, as it seems to be an early start to summer. I also like the idea of meditation. I admit I should do more nice things for myself, more often. Good idea, as it's not something that I automatically think of on my own.

  2. #12
    is an ambi-turner BRMC117's Avatar
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    I meditate about two times a day, once befor I go to bed, and then befor I go to work. it really helps me collect all the ideas that bounce around in my head and organize them, you should try it
    "I put the fires out."
    "you made them worse."
    "worse...or better?"

  3. #13
    Senior Member Quiet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BRMC117 View Post
    I meditate about two times a day, once befor I go to bed, and then befor I go to work. it really helps me collect all the ideas that bounce around in my head and organize them, you should try it
    I know of a couple of people who meditate and they swear by it. I agree it's a very healthy way to mentally organize. Would you be interested in sharing with me in more detail, the process by which you meditate? How do you go about it, so that you stck with it and not lose track of your concentration? I have tried meditaion before, but I found I never stuck with it due to being so easily distracted by the stress of things that I had to do. Perhaps it might be best to PM me with any details you're comfortable with sharing if you're ok with that.

  4. #14
    A passer by yvonne's Avatar
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    i think it's also good to remind yourself that everything in your life doesn't have to be perfect. it's impossible. it's only when your stress level rises to the point that you really feel like there's something wrong that you must take action to balance it out. it helps when you identify one problem area and do some small thing to make it better.

    it sort of declutters you and recharges you... and gives you the good feeling of accomplishment and then you have more energy again.

    that's how i function, anyway

  5. #15
    Junior Member QPoet's Avatar
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    I have went though a few times in my life of "identity crisis" and may have just been passing though one. The everyday stresses of life can magnify these greatly. It seems hard to find our inner being sometimes when there is so much chaos going on all around. As INFJ's we are almost always our own harshest critics. I have seen from my very own father that childhood trauma's can indeed stay with a person through their entire life if not dealt with. Some things simply can't be buried. And no amount of reassuring from others or success in life can make things better until that trauma is dealt with. So it was with my 65 year old father. His feelings of abandonment by his parents never truly left him.

    Don't wait that long my friend. I sense more and more that the events of your childhood need to be addressed and dealt with. You may never have a totally happy resolution there, but you can get to a point where you can accept it all and live with it. Where you do the controlling of these events and the emotions they cause, instead to the other way around. As givers we have to be sure to take care of ourselves too. And you deserve that--have no doubt of it.
    Your soul shines in hasty splendor
    Come see the spark,
    Come feel the surrender. --Qp

  6. #16
    Senior Member Quiet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by QPoet View Post
    I have went though a few times in my life of "identity crisis" and may have just been passing though one. The everyday stresses of life can magnify these greatly. It seems hard to find our inner being sometimes when there is so much chaos going on all around. As INFJ's we are almost always our own harshest critics. I have seen from my very own father that childhood trauma's can indeed stay with a person through their entire life if not dealt with. Some things simply can't be buried. And no amount of reassuring from others or success in life can make things better until that trauma is dealt with. So it was with my 65 year old father. His feelings of abandonment by his parents never truly left him.

    Don't wait that long my friend. I sense more and more that the events of your childhood need to be addressed and dealt with. You may never have a totally happy resolution there, but you can get to a point where you can accept it all and live with it. Where you do the controlling of these events and the emotions they cause, instead to the other way around. As givers we have to be sure to take care of ourselves too. And you deserve that--have no doubt of it.
    Thanks QP. The concern I have is no matter how many times I have talked to a counselor, I always seem to feel that same sense of being crippled in some way. The usual therapy doesn't seem to work for me, and I'm starting to question if I am just incapible of changing.

    Once I've made my mind up about things, it's really hard for me to change it, and although I can see other people's points of view, it doesn't mean that I am willing to adopt them as my own. So, it would seem a different approach is now necessary, thus why I am considering hypnotherapy instead.

    Anyways, thanks everyone for your help!

  7. #17
    Senior Member Alchemiss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Quiet View Post
    .... Whenever I am in contact with another, my main focus is on the other person, and who I need to present myself as being, in order to maintain a pleasant and harmonious interaction. .... As it stands, I am by far own harshest critic, and still base my own self worth and identity on how others view me...
    Dear Quiet,
    I hope you feel better soon. There's a book I've just read (and can't stop re-reading) which I highly recommend for what you describe. It's called What You Think of Me is None of My Business by Terry Cole-Whittaker published way back in 1979. An bodywork course instructor of mine recommended it last month and I've been amazed by the shifts I've experienced from it.

    A big part of the premise is that other people aren't our "source". Once we stop looking outside ourselves for validation of what is already whole and complete within ourselves (God or whatever creative force you believe in gave us all the right, well, everything,) we can move forward with much more freedom and joy. Lots of good info on real versus false guilt and accepting the reality of our choices and deciding whether we want to make different ones.

    Best wishes to you,
    Alchemiss

  8. #18
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Stress Relief for Me, Top 3 Fixes:
    (1) Work Out
    (2) Sex
    (3) Hang Out With Friends

    Good luck!
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    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

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  9. #19
    Senior Member Alchemiss's Avatar
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    In retrospect, I found my answer unsatisfying. Here's an excerpt from the book What You Think of Me is None of My Business I mentioned:

    False guilt is that guilt which is laid upon you by others in their efforts to control you and make you responsible for their lives. A simple example of this kind of guilt is the mother who says to her son: "Go out and have a good time. Don't worry about me being here all alone. I'm used to it." Naturally, the child feels guilty and says to himself: "I really shouldn't go out and have a good time while she's all alone." The guilt the child feels is false guilt. It's false in the sense that the child isn't doing anything he should feel guilty about. Doing what he wants in no way takes away from another or denies the mother the opportunity to have what she wants.

    Webster defines this side of guilt as "A feeling of self-reproach from believing that one has done a wrong."

    Real guilt occurs when you suppress another person mentally, physically, spiritually; when you deny another person his liveliness, his natural ability, his happiness and self-expression, when you deny other persons the support they need to believe in themselves.

    Webster defines this side of guilt as: "The fact of having done a wrong or committed an offense." In the simple example of the parent and child, the parent was acting out of real guilt while the child was acting out of false guilt and fear. Each, of course, suffered.

    I think it is clear that each of us suffers from a combination of real and false guilt. We suffer real guilt when we are the suppressors and false guilt when we are suppressed.

  10. #20
    A passer by yvonne's Avatar
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    ^ that was a good read. sometimes it's difficult to make a distinction between the two. relationships are difficult when the other person gets happy about different things than you do. good communication is very important to me, but so is independence.

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